to Julie.
She put the phone to her ear. “Hi, Reba.”
“Laurel, dear. Finally! I’ve made several attempts to call you, but it seems like you’re never there. We haven’t heard from you in over a week!”
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s been busy around here with the kids coming and going to music classes and ski lessons. Didn’t Mom tell you everything was fine at my last appointment with the obstetrician?”
“Yes, but it’s not the same as hearing the details from you,” Reba said in a hurt voice. “Have you changed your mind about not wanting to know if you’re having a boy or girl?”
“No. I’d rather be surprised.”
“That’s too bad. It limits the choice of colors for baby gifts. We’re planning a big shower for you, but we can’t mail the invitations without a date. How soon are you leaving Denver to come home?”
Guilt weighed Laurel down. How many times had she heard that question over the last few months? She flashed her sister a look of distress.
Philadelphia was the city where she’d been born and raised, where she’d gone to high school and met Scott. But being married to an Air Force man for ten years had taken her to so many places around the globe, no one spot felt like home anymore—Philadelphia least of all, now that Scott was dead.
More than eleven months had passed since the last time she’d curled up in his arms. Little had she known that after he’d left the next morning for a long deployment with NATO forces, those arms would never hold her again….
Thank heaven she’d been able to get through to him before the air show and tell him the implant had worked. They were expecting.
The joy in his voice was her final remembrance of him before word came that he’d crashed. If she could be thankful for one thing, it was that he went to his death knowing she was pregnant with his baby.
She hadn’t wanted to adopt until they’d tried every other option, including fertility drugs. In vitro fertilization had been their last resort. The doctors had made several attempts to fertilize her eggs using his frozen sperm; finally an embryo had been implanted and the procedure was successful.
It helped her more than anyone could know that their final communication over the phone had brought them closer than they’d been in a long time. They’d expressed their love and had talked about a future that included this unborn child. The three of them would be a family, and Scott would become a father, as he’d always wanted.
She had military friends who’d lost husbands or wives during difficult periods in their marriages. Some still grieved because their last words to each other had been said in anger.
When all was said and done, Laurel felt very blessed. Although the demands of Scott’s career had taken him away a lot, the times they’d spent together she would cherish forever. It was true that if she’d had a child, the periods when he was gone wouldn’t have felt so long and lonely. But all of that was in the past now.
“Laurel?”
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t you answer my question? You only have four weeks left. Scotty arrived ten days early.”
I know. I know it all.
“That doesn’t leave much room for a party, dear.”
The time had come to drop her bombshell. Her gaze clung to Julie’s for moral support.
“You’re right, Reba, but my doctor says it’s too late to fly anywhere now.”
Her sister broke into a smile and gave her a thumbs-up. Before her mother-in-law could react, Laurel decided to get it all said. It was long past time.
“Realistically speaking, I won’t be able to travel anywhere until after my delivery. Why don’t we plan on a shower once I’ve had my six week checkup in May? I’ll fly out with the baby and take turns staying with you and Mom.”
“But that’s months away! I don’t understand you, Laurel. You’ve changed since the funeral. Have you stopped loving us?”
She closed her eyes tightly. “Of course not, Reba. I’ll always love you and Wendell. You’re my baby’s grandparents.”
“But you don’t want to be around us.” Underlying her mother-in-law’s accusation, Laurel felt her pain.
She put her feet to the floor and sat up. “It isn’t that. But I’ve had to face the fact that Scott’s never coming back.”
Those words needed to be said. She’d heard other pilots’ widows say them after the healing process had begun. Now she was able to say them herself.
“I’ve found that being away from reminders of him has made this period easier to bear. Being with Julie and her family in new surroundings—knowing my baby is almost here—everything’s helped me get over the worst of my grief.”
It was true. Six months ago she hadn’t thought it possible.
Julie’s eyes turned suspiciously bright.
“What about our family’s pain? Did you ever consider how much we’ve needed you?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “The only thing that’s helped me in that regard was knowing you and Wendell still have each other and your other children and grandchildren for comfort.”
“So you’re cutting us out of your life. Is that it?”
“You know that’s not true! I told you I’ll come for a visit in May.”
“And then what?”
That was a good question, one for which Laurel had no answer.
“I don’t know yet.” She eyed her sister once more. “In the meantime, I’m in the happiest place I could be while I wait for this baby.”
It was Julie and her husband, Brent, who’d understood Laurel’s need for space—and for different surroundings—while she grieved.
Of her three married sisters, Julie, the oldest, was the one with whom Laurel had always felt a special bond. Over the years they’d kept in almost constant touch through phone calls, e-mails and the occasional visit when she and Scott were stationed in Okinawa and in Spain.
To her undying gratitude, they’d told her they were taking her back to Colorado with them where Brent worked for a nationwide telecommunications company. Their two-story colonial house in Aurora had more than enough room for her and their boys.
Coming on the heels of Scott’s funeral, their offer had rescued Laurel from the Pierces, whose well-meaning attention was suffocating her. She didn’t think she would have survived otherwise.
“Please try to understand, Reba. Please be happy that you’re going to be grandparents again very soon. Scott would want it this way.”
“Our son would be shocked to know his wife has purposely stayed away from us.”
It
