on, sugar. I know it’s different, but you’ll get the hang of it.”
She tried again, sliding the nipple onto his tongue. He jerked away, pushing at her hand.
“Want me to try?” Nic held out his arms. “I’ve got a little experience.”
“You do?” Now that was a shocker.
He winked. “Trust me. I’m amazing.”
Right. Trust him. How many girls had heard that line? Trusting Nic was the last thing on her agenda. In fact, the sooner Fireman Fun and Games disappeared, the better. She had enough to deal with.
“I appreciate all you’ve done, Nic. Really.” She jiggled Alex harder. “But you must be exhausted. I can handle things from here. You look like you could sleep for a week.”
Alex screamed, a cry that would bring police, and fire and rescue in any other setting.
Fire and rescue was already here, holding out his arms, with a funny little quirk at the corner of his mouth.
If Nic comprehended her efforts to get rid of him, he didn’t show it.
“Come on. Let me try. Me and the little dude are buddies. I can sleep when I’m dead.”
The word dead lingered between them, harsh and dark. The night’s tragedy slipped back into the room. As though water flowed through her veins instead of blood, Cassidy’s arms went weak.
What was she going to do without Janna? What was Alex going to do without a mother who knew how to soothe him when he cried?
“Hey,” Nic said, his voice soft and concerned. She raised her eyes to his and he must have seen her helplessness. Without asking again, he took Alex from her.
Cassidy sat, limp and devastated, trying to think of anything except that ugly word—dead. Her head was like an echo chamber bouncing the word back a thousand times. Dead, dead, dead.
Swallowing a cry of anguish, she focused on Nic Carano, cradling her nephew against his chest as if holding a baby was the most natural thing in the world.
Did that mean Nic Carano was now married with children? That the wild and crazy jokester without a care in the world was not only a firefighter, he was a dad?
The image didn’t fit. The party boy she remembered did not have either “responsibility” or “settle down” anywhere in his vocabulary.
Right now, however, he was using his charm to convince Alex to accept the unfamiliar bottle. He pressed a dab of formula onto the infant’s lips and then stroked the corner of his mouth with the nipple. As if by some form of communication known only to the male species, Alex turned his face and latched on.
“Attaboy,” Nic murmured. His gaze flicked up to Cassidy’s. “Look at him go.”
Cassidy should have felt better. Instead, her depression deepened. If she couldn’t even feed Alex, how could she care for him? And if she didn’t, who would? She was no more parent material than Nic Carano. Nor did she possess his natural ease with people.
“How did you do that?”
Nic shrugged. A small smile gleamed white against his dirty face. “Told you,” he said easily. “Uncle Nicky’s got the touch.”
“Are you this good with your own kids?” she asked, not because she cared about his life one way or the other, but to keep from thinking about Janna and Brad.
Nic drew back in feigned alarm. “The Caranos have enough rug rats running around the place without me adding to the numbers. I’m Uncle Nicky. Not Daddy Nic.”
That sounded more like the Nic she remembered. Naturally he would love to play with the little ones, but he wouldn’t want to take on such a responsibility. The guy probably still lived at home so his mom could do his laundry.
“No matter where you learned, I appreciate your expertise. I’m kind of lost.”
Lost and more afraid than she’d been since that night in the Philippines. And almost as helpless.
Shoulders sagging, she closed her eyes. Janna’s pretty face laughed behind her eyelids.
Somehow Nic managed to hold Alex and his bottle as he leaned toward her, stirring the sickening stench of smoke. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”
Cassidy nodded, numb and empty. She would never be okay again, but what could Nic Carano do about it? What could anyone do?
“I’m sorry.” He tilted his chin toward the baby. Alex gazed up at him with wide, earnest eyes, still sucking for all he was worth. “Sorry for both of you. I wish there was something more I could do.”
What good was sorry? She was sorry, too, but Janna was still gone. There were no words to describe how shattered she felt, how special Janna was or how much both she and Alex had lost last night.
Insides chilled, Cassidy drew her crossed arms tightly against her body as if to ward off reality. She longed to go to sleep, wake up tomorrow and discover this had all been a bad dream.
“Where do you go from here?” Nic asked gently. “I mean, who’s going to care for the little dude?”
The “little dude” had finished off his bottle. As if handling a baby was second nature, Nic set the bottle on the floor, lifted Alex to his shoulder and patted his back. Alex made gurgling, satisfied noises, oblivious to the drastic change in his life.
“I don’t know what we’ll do.” She didn’t want to think about the future. She could barely deal with the here and now. “Brad had no siblings and there was only Janna and me in our family.” She thought about Brad’s parents. They might be willing to raise Alex.
“My sister’s a social worker. She might be able to help.”
The idea of a social worker frightened Cassidy.
“No,” she said a little too sharply. “No social services.”
She trembled to think of her nephew growing up lonely and unloved the way she and Janna had. Alex deserved a loving home and family, not a parade of foster homes. She would choose. She would make the decision. Somehow.
“Forget I brought it up. Today is way too soon to think about that.”
“I never dreamed this would happen to Janna,” she murmured.
“No one ever expects a tragedy of this magnitude. Not even us firefighters. These things happen to other people. Not to us. Or so we think.”
Almost to herself, Cassidy said, “I don’t understand why God would let this happen.”
Again, she thought. Twice in her life she’d lost those closest to her. It wasn’t fair. She’d always considered God to be a good and loving God, the Father she’d lost as a child. Now she was left floundering to understand. Had she failed in some way? Was she being punished?
“You got me there,” Nic said. He tapped Alex on the nose
