and rejection splash over her like ice water. She stood there, naked, wondering what had gone wrong. Her plan was working. He’d enjoyed it, that was obvious. She knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. Yet in one second, in one horrible moment, the wall had slammed down between them yet again and he had pulled away, physically and emotionally. Dazed, she couldn’t fathom what was happening.
“Colin, I don’t understand…” Her voice was barely a whisper and she took a step forward, stopping as he took a step back.
“Miranda…Randi, please. Just give me a minute.”
Chills traveled over her skin, followed by a surge of shame and deep embarrassment. She too reached for anything she could to cover up, tears stinging at the back of her eyelids.
“Why? What’s wrong?” She wrapped a sheet around her body and tried to manage the tumult of emotions that raged through her. She was shaking and her breath came in gulps, but she fought hard for some vestige of control. She watched him finish dressing and managed to speak again, her voice small, which she hated though she couldn’t seem to control it.
“Don’t you think I’m sexy, Colin? Don’t you want me?”
His head snapped up. She saw the shock in his face, and knew that wasn’t it, as he was quick to confirm.
“Does it look like I don’t want you? I’m burning with it, Randi, but it just doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t have let this happen.”
She felt her knees shake beneath her but somehow continued to stand. Staring him in the eye, she demanded an answer.
“Why not? You won’t even give it a chance.”
Silence hung between them for a long moment, and his jaw squared, as if he were hanging hard on to his control.
“I’m having a physical reaction to you—what man wouldn’t? You’re gorgeous and seductive, but that’s all it is. Just a physical response. And one we shouldn’t act on.”
“That’s all you feel for me? You are just reacting like any man would to a naked woman?” Disbelief and hurt were evident in her words, and he tried to explain.
“I didn’t mean it like that. You are my friend and I care about you, and that’s why I’m stopping. Try to think about this rationally, Miranda.”
Her heart constricted and she wasn’t sure she could breathe. “Rationally?” She didn’t know if she actually spoke the question. She saw red. He was stomping on her heart, humiliating her, rejecting her without even a good reason why.
Colin stepped forward, but this time she retreated.
“Listen, Randi, you may think you want to start something with me, and I can almost understand that. You might see me as an alternate to Derek, a way to put those demons to rest, but that’s not a role I intend to take up.”
She angrily clutched the sheet more tightly around herself. “You honestly think I wanted to sleep with you as a substitute for Derek? I never even slept with Derek, you moron! How could you think such a thing? Did you get this out of one of your psychology books, Col? If you don’t want me, be honest about it, but cut the psychobabble.”
“Miranda—”
“We’ve always had something between us, Colin, whether you will admit it or not. Stay, and give us a chance, Colin, or just get out. It’s your choice.” Her voice caught, but she stood strong, her eyes blazing into his. He stood helplessly for a moment and then turned away. She closed her eyes, not wanting him to see her heartbreak, but she knew she didn’t need to worry about that as she heard the door open and then click softly shut.
“Fine, then. Just go.” She spoke to the empty room. Giving in to the pain, she let the sobs take her over.
COLIN PARKED his truck at the side of the road in Old Port, regret gnawing at his gut. If he’d known what she had on her mind he never would have shown up tonight. He’d hurt her, he knew, but she needed to hear the truth before they got caught up in something that wasn’t healthy for either of them. He should feel as if he’d done the right thing—so why didn’t he?
The streets were quiet, though some folks enjoyed a walk along the old cobblestone streets in the warming spring air. He stopped by a sidewalk bridge between two buildings that overlooked Casco Bay and stared out into the darkness. When Derek had died, he’d gone through the predictable stages of grief—anger at his brother for leaving him alone. And guilt. The horrible frustration and guilt he felt while he watched his parents suffer. No matter what he did, he couldn’t make it better.
He couldn’t make it better for Miranda, either, then or now. She’d left Portland after Derek’s death, and maybe some of those old ghosts were things she still had to work through now that she was home again, but he wasn’t going to be part of that. He had to be the one who stayed in control. When she thought things through, she would be glad he had walked away. Even though it was the last thing he’d wanted to do. It would have been so easy to give in, to sink into the willing flesh of her body, have all his fantasies become reality. But what was easy wasn’t always right.
“Dammit, Miranda.”
He pushed back from the rail and began walking to the car, his mind numb and his body still on fire. He needed a cold shower and some sleep. Maybe he’d wait a few days and then try to talk to her. He only made it a few steps when he heard a funny little squeaking sound and someone yelling. Suddenly, he saw two men on bikes barreling down on him, waving their hands frantically for Colin to get out of the way. They hit their brakes, and he watched their bikes wobble, but it was too late.
He moved to avoid them, but one biker unfortunately moved in the same direction he did. The impact was hard and sudden; he felt the sharp jab of the bike’s handles into his gut and then the heavy thud of a body as the man flew over the handles of the bike, crashing into him. Colin was pushed backward, flipping over the rail. Strangely, through the surge of pain and movement, he thought how odd it felt to be so completely out of control of his body for the second time that evening, tossed about as if he were weightless.
He grabbed desperately for the rail but only grasped darkness. The next sensation he felt was intense, bone-biting cold—and pain. He hit something hard, and it hurt. He saw Miranda’s face in his mind’s eye just as everything faded to black.
3
“I WANT TO SPEAK to Dr. Monroe, Travis Monroe. I want to see him now!” Miranda was nearly hysterical with fear, and was willing to walk directly over the emergency nurse and into the intensive care unit if she had to.
They had Colin. Travis had called her, and she had somehow made it to the hospital through her panic and tears. She had to see him, see that he was alive, before she would listen to anyone. She had to see for herself. God, it was all happening again. First with Derek, and now Colin. If they lost him how could she live with herself? Obviously he had been upset when he left. This was all her fault.
The nurse put gentle but firm hands on her shoulders, and Miranda braced herself to break way when she was distracted by footsteps running up behind her. Just at that moment, Travis turned a corner out into the hallway, his expression grave. She started to call to him but saw Colin’s mother dash past her, and over to Travis. Miranda broke away and quickly followed behind Colin’s dad and Penny.
The scene was sheer chaos. Travis put his hands up to
