was nothing more than brief physical satisfaction.
Sean looked at him. ‘Give it time. It’s grief that makes you feel that way.’
Grief?
Sean made it sound so simple, but Ben knew that it was so much more than grief that had locked his emotions inside himself. It was anger, too. Anger and bitterness and guilt.
Oh, yes, definitely guilt.
But Sean didn’t know any of that, of course, and why should he? Ben wasn’t in the habit of discussing his feelings with anyone. What was the point? It wouldn’t change what had happened.
And as for giving it time—well, it had been two years already. He’d given it more than enough time and nothing had changed. He still felt the same way as he had when it had first happened. As far as he was concerned, time had healed nothing.
‘How was Pakistan?’ Sean changed the subject neatly and Ben accepted the change readily.
‘Interesting. Challenging. Hard work.’
‘Good.’ Sean nodded briskly. ‘A bit like the job here, then.’
The job.
Ben opened his mouth to say that he didn’t think he could do it but the words didn’t come out the way he’d planned. ‘So when do you want me to start?’
He listened to himself and almost laughed.
What was he saying? Was he crazy?
He didn’t want to start at all. He wanted to turn around and walk out of the department the way he’d come without bothering to look back. Not submit himself to torture.
On the other hand, maybe it was time to face his demons.
‘You saw the waiting room. How about now?’ Sean gave a wry smile and fingered the stethoscope around his neck. ‘Only joking. The day after tomorrow will do fine. That should give you time to settle into the place I’ve found for you to live. It’s great. You’ll love it.’ He reached into his drawer and pulled out a set of keys and a map. ‘A log cabin in a forest. It’s easy enough to find but watch the roads. The weather has been filthy for almost twenty-four hours and there’s no sign of it letting up. Some of the roads are flooded and there are trees down, so go easy.’
Ben glanced out of the window. ‘After some of the roads in Pakistan—or rather the lack of them—I can cope with the Lake District. But I’m in no hurry, Sean. Why don’t you show me round while I’m here and then I can get straight on with it the day after tomorrow?’
‘You’re not dying to go and clean up?’
Ben rubbed long fingers over his roughened jaw and lifted an eyebrow. ‘Am I that bad?’
Sean looked him over. ‘Let’s just say I can tell you’ve been in the wilds for the last year. You’re what Ally would call rugged.’ He stood up and walked towards the door. ‘Do me a favour and lose the designer stubble and some of your hair before you start or the hospital management will be complaining.’
Irritated by what he saw as a complete irrelevance, Ben’s face darkened. ‘I thought you took me on for my medical skills, not my appearance.’
Sean held the door open for him to pass. ‘I did. But the way you look at the moment you’ll scare the patients.’ He gave a wicked smile and locked the door behind them. ‘Unless they’re female. You’ll also distract my nurses and they’re too busy for that. I want their minds on work, not sex.’
Ben shot him an exasperated look. ‘Why did I ever agree to help you out?’
Sean slapped him on the shoulder as they walked into the corridor. ‘Because I’m your best mate and you’d never let me down?’
Ben shook his head. ‘Because I’m an idiot.’ He stopped dead and stared at his friend. ‘I can’t promise you that this will work—you know that, don’t you?’
Sean hesitated and then nodded reluctantly. ‘Just promise me you’ll give it a few months at least.’
A few months?
Ben felt sick at the thought. At the moment he doubted his ability to get through the next few minutes, let alone a few months.
He should never have taken the job.
IT WAS a filthy night and the river was flooded.
Ellie stopped the car and stared in dismay at the murky dark water swirling directly in her path, illuminated by the beam of her headlights. In the summer months the river flowed obediently under the road, but in the winter, particularly after torrential rain, it swelled and burst its banks, flooding the road and forcing drivers to make a long detour through another valley.
But she didn’t have time for any sort of detour.
Lindsay was in labour. On her own and terrified in a farmhouse that was in the middle of nowhere.
Ellie flicked her windscreen wipers onto double speed and weighed her options.
Turn around and approach Lindsay’s farm from the other side of the valley?
No. She dismissed the thought instantly. It would take too much time and time was the one thing she didn’t have.
Which left only one other option.
She narrowed her eyes and stared through the darkness at the swirling water.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Lindsay!’ She glared at the surging river as if sheer will-power could make the waters part like the Red Sea. ‘Why did you have to buy a house in such a remote place? What was wrong with a nice stone cottage in the middle of Ambleside?’
Apparently the midwife had been very relaxed and reassuring on the phone, reminding her that the baby wasn’t due for another four weeks and that the tightenings that Lindsay was feeling were probably normal.
Ellie peered at the swirling water and hoped the midwife knew what she was talking about. If she was wrong, Ellie would have to deliver the baby by herself, a challenge which she didn’t relish. She was an A and E nurse, not a midwife.
In fact, if it hadn’t been for Lindsay’s cry for help, Ellie would have gone back to work because you didn’t need to be a genius to know that the A and E department was going to be packed with injuries on a night like this.
Opening the car door, she flinched as a gust of wind tore it out of her hand and the rain flung itself in her face like water from a bucket.
‘Ugh...’ Gasping and scrubbing the water away from her eyes with her hand, she forced the car door shut and picked her way down to the edge of the water. Within minutes she was soaked, the pelting rain turning her long dark hair as sleek as an otter’s, her dark lashes clogging together as she tried to see through the darkness.
