Panic knifed through me as I pictured my mobile ringing in the back of the ambulance while they drove away my dead body. I imagined one of the paramedics, my blood still splattered across his green shirt, rooting through my pockets to find it. How long before Ella discovered what had happened?
I was about to follow them inside when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Startled, I spun around.
‘Hello, William. Sorry to sneak up on you like that. I, um, I’m Lizzie.’
A stumpy woman in a dowdy grey skirt suit and beige mac was standing before me, one arm outstretched for a handshake. Gingerly, fearing another run-in with the tarmac, I reached out towards her podgy hand. It felt cool despite the unseasonal late September sunshine.
‘How do you know my name?’ I asked. ‘And how come I can touch you?’
‘I was sent to meet you when you died. You’ve probably got a few questions.’
‘What are you: some kind of angel? Pull the other one.’
Lizzie, who appeared to be in her late twenties, ran a hand through her wavy black hair, which was tied in a loose ponytail. Her nose twitched in a way that reminded me of a rabbit.
‘Um, no. I’m not an angel. We’re on the same team, but they’re higher up the pecking order. Think of me as a guide. This can be a confusing time. I’m here to make your transition from life to death as smooth as possible. How are you doing so far?’
‘Well, I’m dead. Apart from you, no one can see me. Not even my little girl, who’s about to learn she’s an orphan. How do you think I’m doing?’
‘Right. Sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘How about bringing me back to life and taking that bloody lunatic driver instead? It’s her fault I’m here.’
She shook her head. ‘That’s not possible, I’m afraid. Anything else?’
‘What about helping me to communicate with Ella? If I’m really a ghost, doesn’t that mean people can see me in certain circumstances? I need her to know that I’m still here; that I haven’t abandoned her.’
‘We don’t tend to use the G-word. It has too many negative connotations. We prefer the term “spirit”.’
‘Whatever. You’re splitting hairs. Can I talk to Ella or not?’
‘She can’t see you. You said so yourself. That’s not the way this works. The reason I’m here is to guide you across to the other side and show you the ropes.’
‘What if I don’t want to come?’
‘There’s nothing left for you here.’
‘What about my little girl? She needs me.’
‘She’s not your responsibility any more, William. It’s out of your control. You’re a spirit now; what’s waiting for you on the other side is incredible beyond words.’
‘You didn’t answer my question. What if I don’t want to come? Will you drag me kicking and screaming?’
‘I won’t take you anywhere you don’t want to go.’
‘So I can stay?’
She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s your choice.’
‘And if I do go with you? Can I change my mind and come back?’
‘No. It’s a one-way ticket.’
‘How about the other way round? If I don’t come with you now, can I come later?’
Lizzie hesitated for a moment before nodding her head. ‘There’s a grace period.’
‘Now we’re getting somewhere. How long?’
‘That depends.’ She looked up to the sky. ‘It’s a top-level decision. I’d have to get back to you.’
‘Right. I’ll get back to you too, then. How do I get hold of you?’
As the words left my mouth, I was distracted by the sound of two chattering teachers walking towards us. I turned for the briefest of moments to look at them and when I turned back Lizzie had vanished.
I looked from left to right in confusion. ‘Hello? Are you there? Can you still hear me? You didn’t answer my question. And why can’t I touch anyone – except you?’
I paused, expecting her to reappear, but she didn’t. ‘Great,’ I said. ‘I guess I’m on my own.’
I’d abandoned my only daughter. I’d broken the promise I’d made to her countless times, usually as she was lying in bed at night, asking about her mother, eyes intense and probing.
‘Daddy, you’ll never leave me, will you?’
‘No, of course not, darling. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise. From the bottom of my heart.’
Back inside the school it was obvious that they’d found something out. Ella was moved from the corridor outside the office back to her classroom, where Mrs Afzal kept her occupied doing some drawing. Her teacher was smiling the whole time, but I could see pity in her eyes. She told Ella there was a slight problem and she’d have to wait at school a little longer.
‘When will my daddy get here?’
‘I’m not sure how long you’ll have to wait, Ella. But I’ll stay with you until someone comes to pick you up.’
‘He’s never been this late before. Last time his watch battery broke he was only a bit late. I wasn’t even the last one waiting.’
Mrs Afzal knelt down next to Ella. ‘What’s that you’re drawing?’
‘An ice cream. Look, that’s the chocolate stick and I’m going to add some red sauce. Daddy said I could have one after tea today because it’s summer in India.’
It was my mother who eventually arrived to pick Ella up. She put on a show of normality for her granddaughter’s sake, but I could see the anguish in her eyes. She knew. Usually she’d have had a chinwag with Mrs Afzal about her own days as a primary school teacher. Not today.
‘Nana!’ Ella said, running over to give her a big hug. ‘I didn’t know you were coming to pick me up. Daddy’s really late.’
I saw Mum’s face crumple as she held Ella tightly against her own short, slender frame. But she fought to hide her pain again when they parted.
‘Hi, Mum,’ I whispered, from as close as I could get to her without touching. ‘I messed up. I’m so sorry. I’m going to need you to look after her for me.’
Mum drove Ella home and sat her down in the lounge. I couldn’t believe what was about to happen. I
