be surprised to hear it was a bit dross.
However, the single ‘Slam Jam’ proved a hit and stayed in the top ten for five weeks and reached number four – even if it did sound more like number two.
SNOOKER PLAYERS
Tottenham Hotspur’s regular musical collaborators Chas and Dave teamed up with a gang of snooker players under the name ‘The Matchroom Mob’ in 1986 to release ‘Snooker Loopy’.
The brilliant lyrics include ‘Now old Willy Thorne, his hair’s all gone’, which only works as a rhyme when sung in a cockney accent.
Sadly the boys haven’t returned to the studio because any follow-up would surely be more hotly anticipated than the Stone Roses with The Second Coming.
HOW TO BE A FOOTBALL SUPPORTER
Here’s a step-by-step guide to surviving the ups and downs:
Declare your undying love for a team that actually make you unhappier than your wife leaving you or your nan dying.
Slate your team constantly – until someone else does. Then fight them.
Go to an away match and ridicule the other team’s fans because it’s not a sell-out, whilst refusing to notice that they sold out easily when Arsenal played there, so it’s your team that’s considered crap.
Get upset that the players don’t interact with the fans – and send them death threats on Twitter because of it.
Hurl abuse at a player until he transfers – then complain that your team should never have sold him.
Go bare-chested in January so your fat man-breasts look like Smurfs’ noses.
State confidently what you would’ve done in the World Cup final because you once had a game of Three and In at break-time at school.
BORN: 12 August 1990, Palermo, Italy
PLAYER: Lumezzane, Inter Milan, Manchester City, AC Milan, Liverpool and Italy
1) Arguably the most enigmatic player of his generation, Balotelli made his first-team début for Lumezzane at the tender age of 15 in a Serie C1 match in 2006. Inter soon came sniffing around and he made his senior bow in December 2007, scoring two goals in his next game.
2) Balotelli scored 20 goals in 59 games ahead of his first cap for Italy in a friendly against the Ivory Coast and before his multi-million pound move to Manchester City. He helped them win the FA Cup in his first season, their first trophy in 35 years, and the Premier League title the next.
3) At Euro 2012, Balotelli said he refused to celebrate goals ‘because I’m only doing my job. When a postman delivers letters, does he celebrate?’ Given most companies say they’ll deliver between 7am and Christmas, it’s us who do somersaults if parcels arrive when we’re in.
4) Balotelli’s secret lover Chloe Evans once revealed, ‘Being with him was like being in a circus. Imagine a cross between Willy Wonka, Michael Jackson and Peter Pan – and you’ve got Mario Balotelli.’ If ever a comparison was a cue to cut short a relationship that was it.
DID YOU KNOW: Mario was asked by his mum to buy an ironing board for his cleaner. He came back five hours later with a lorry containing a quad bike, Scalextric and trampoline. Yacht salesmen were rubbing their hands in glee after he was sent out to buy curry soon after.
Here he is …
… at Royal Ascot on Ladies’ Day
© Getty Images/Andrew Yates
When you’re poncing around on a pitch all week, there’s a good chance footballers will have an attractive set of pins to show for it. Which player has the best legs according to Gaydar?
© Shutterstock.com
BORN: 22 November 1967, Leimen, West Germany
CAREER HIGHLIGHTS: Six-time Grand Slam champion and two-time Davis Cup winner
1) Boris Becker catapulted himself, quite literally, into tennis fans’ hearts by diving around the court en route to becoming the youngest ever winner of Wimbledon in 1985. Aged just 17, he also became the first German and the first unseeded champion in defeating Kevin Curren.
2) ‘Der Bomber’ proceeded to use his fierce serve to mop up a further five Grand Slam titles at Wimbledon, the Australian Open and US Open, but he never got past the semi-final stage at the French Open. He also won the Davis Cup twice and Olympic gold in doubles.
3) The German has claimed that he would like Steve McQueen to play him in the film of his life. Great idea, Boris, except for the fact that McQueen died in 1980.
4) Becker had a cheeky quickie with model Angela Ermakova on some stairs at London’s Nobu restaurant in 1999, which resulted in her having his child. Bizarrely, it happened after an argument Boris had with his pregnant wife Barbara who thought she was in labour.
DID YOU KNOW: Boris has his own hair and body wash that ‘is a commitment to style, sporty-elegant charisma and irresistible masculine effect’. Whether it entices attractive young women into romping with you in awkwardly small public places has yet to be ratified.
Here’s Boris doing his best Jamie Redknapp impression
© Getty Images/Hannes Magerstaedt
Sportsmen and women often achieve everything they ever want by reaching the top. However, what do some want above all else before they pop their clogs?
LEWIS HAMILTON
The Formula 1 maverick doesn’t exactly live a quiet life outside of the cockpit. Whether it’s his high-profile celebrity relationship with ex-girlfriend Nicole Scherzinger or laying down tracks with the cream of the hip-hop crop, Lewis lives the dream. The two-time world champ, though, is still keen to take on the Mack Daddy of mountains – Mount Everest. In 2013 Lewis climbed Borneo’s Mount Kinabalu, with his eyes now set on the highest in the world. The millionaire Mercedes man revealed, ‘I plan to climb a lot of
