blink.
‘I might need a day or two to recover,’ I said. ‘I’m not as young as you, George.’
‘No, but you’re not old either,’ he replied quickly. Gilbert and I exchanged a glance. Since losing Tiger, George was worried about losing me too. It was only natural but I wasn’t going anywhere. There were plenty of lives left in this cat yet.
‘Oh there you are boys,’ Claire said, when we walked into the kitchen, having done our best to get the sand off us and failed, as usual. When we went back to London from Seabreeze, the sand had a habit of coming back with us.
‘Meow,’ I said in greeting before the three of us headed over to our food bowls to eat our supper.
‘Right, well Jonathan and I are about to settle down to watch a film if you want to join us?’ she said. I loved how Claire always spoke and treated us as if we were humans. We were cleverer than most humans, but I appreciated the gesture anyway.
‘Meow,’ I said. Snuggling up on the sofa in front of a film sounded the perfect way to end the day.
We ate, cleaned up and headed into the small TV room. Gilbert took his spot on his favourite chair while George and I curled up in the middle of the sofa – the comfiest place.
‘Blimey, Claire, there’s barely any room for us, these cats take up all our space,’ Jonathan said as he squeezed himself into the small space we’d left for him.
‘But, darling, we wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Claire replied, kissing him on the cheek and trying to move us. George and I pretended to be asleep, so in the end, she had no choice but to sit on the floor in front of her husband.
‘Back to Edgar Road, tomorrow, son,’ I said, trying to hide my sadness that our holiday in Lynstow was coming to an end. I loved being here; I enjoyed the change of scene, especially getting to see Gilbert, I loved how relaxed my family seemed, not to mention the beach. I even quite liked sand now. Actually no, I tolerated sand but I struggle with the way it sticks to my fur like glue and makes grooming such hard work. But then I loved watching the sunset, and the soothing sound of the waves gently lapping the shore, so perhaps I’ll just have to put up with sand.
‘I know, Dad, and I’m glad to be going back, to see our friends and especially Hana, but I’ll miss it here, and I’ll miss Gilbert of course.’
‘Me too, but we’ll be back before you know it.’ All our families from London had pledged to come to holiday here together at some point and being here with all of them was one of my favourite times ever. Having everyone I love under one roof made me feel like the luckiest cat alive. Sure the cottage would be quite crowded, noisy and chaotic, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
‘But,’ George paused, looking a little upset. ‘This will be the first time we go back to Edgar Road and not see Tiger mum.’ His voice cracked, I could feel his pain. I nuzzled him, reassuringly.
‘I know, son,’ I said. Gilbert looked over at me and gave me a reassuring blink. ‘It’ll be strange not going back and telling her all about our holiday, but we can still tell her.’
The memory brought back the pain I felt every time I would walk past Tiger’s house, like I was being stabbed in the heart. There were times I would wait for her by the cat flap, even though I knew she’d never come out of it again – the sorrow hadn’t abated. It was hard, but as the grown-up, it was my duty to step up and help him through his grief.
I learnt that you can’t protect your children from loss; you can’t keep all the bad in the world away from them. However, you can do your best to help them cope with bumps in the road, it’s all any parent can do. Becoming a parent makes you realise how much capacity you have for love, but it also shows you your limitations. No matter how hard you try, you can’t control what the world will send your way.
The night was drawing in on our final holiday evening, and I thought about all those I had loved and lost. The pain doesn’t get any easier, but you do get used to it a bit more, I guess.
‘George, do you remember the first time we had to go past her house knowing she wasn’t there?’
‘Yes, I do, it was horrible in so many ways.’
‘What about the second time, when she wasn’t there at Christmas?’
‘It was difficult.’
‘I know, but what I want you to know is that it gets a little easier each time,’ I said with the authority of someone who knew this to be true.
‘But doesn’t that mean we don’t love her anymore?’ he asked.
‘No, it means we love her just as much as ever, but we also accept that we have to get used to her not being there,’ I tried to explain.
‘You know.’ Gilbert spoke for the first time in ages. ‘Missing someone is natural. George, I miss you when you’re not here in Lynstow, but I have to get on with life, and sometimes when I miss you, I just think of something you said, or when you made me laugh, and I feel better. I almost feel you here with me.’
I felt choked with emotion at Gilbert’s words.
‘I think of Tiger mum all the time.’
‘Look, George,’ I said, hopping on my paws excitedly as the stars began to appear in the sky. ‘Look at that bright star. What do you see?’
‘It’s her, I just know it,’ George said, sounding happier. ‘I can tell her all about how we’ve had a lovely holiday now.’ I nodded as he proceeded to do so. Gilbert and I looked on, giving him a bit of space to talk to his mum in the sky. I tried not to get caught up in the unfairness of it all. I still hadn’t accepted why she had to be taken from us, but I also knew that overcoming my own issues was part of process too, but something I felt I had to keep hidden from George. No yowling for this cat, at least not until I was alone.
‘You know we are lucky,’ I said, trying to keep my voice steady, as George finished speaking.
‘We are,’ Gilbert said.
Gilbert came to live in Seabreeze Cottage after running away from his home. I learnt that not every human was kind to their pets and I felt so sorry for him when I first heard his story, but at least now he had us, and he loved his life here. We tried to get him to come and live in London with us, but he said he wouldn’t be able to live away from the sea. I could almost understand that, but I loved London too. I loved the traffic and the bustle, and of course, London was where my other friends and families lived too.
‘We’re lucky that we get to spend time here, together,’ George said. ‘And I’m lucky to have such good families and friends. Not to mention how blessed I am to be such a handsome and charming cat who everyone loves.’ George winked with his right eye.
‘Chip off the old block that one,’ Gilbert said, with a grin.
I had no idea what he meant.
