style="font-size:15px;"> “Awful.”
“What are you doing now?”
“Sitting here moping.”
She laughed. “Steve and I are going out to eat. Why don’t you come with us.”
“Thanks, but I don’t want to be a third wheel.”
“You won’t be a third wheel. Please come.”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass.”
“We’re going to stop by Creekside afterwards. Why don’t you meet up with us there. Shelly might come too.”
Shelly, Tina and I played softball together in high school, and we have been friends ever since.
“That does sound like fun. Maybe I’ll do that,” I said.
“Great! I will text you when we finish eating.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”
While I was nervous about whom I might run into at Creekside, I was very excited to hang out with my friends. Too antsy to sit around here and wait a couple of hours on Tina, I decided to see if Shelly would want to go there now. I called her cell phone, but it went straight to voicemail, so I left a message instead.
"Hey Shell, this is Kate. Just seeing if you’d want to go to Creekside for a few drinks. Give me a call."
Tapping my fingers on the kitchen table, I contemplated my next move. I could continue to sit here all alone or I could be a big girl and go there by myself. It’s not that I wanted to get drunk and act crazy. I just wanted to get out of this house and feel normal again. Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and go. Afraid I would change my mind, I freshened up real quick and left.
When I got to Creekside, I drove around the parking lot to see if I recognized any of the cars. Unfortunately, I didn’t, which gave me second thoughts about going inside.
Here I am, almost thirty-five years old, and still being a chicken about going into a bar by myself.
“You’re pathetic!” I said out loud.
My car was idling in park while I decided what to do next. Creekside had a drive-thru window for people to pick up carry-out food and drinks. From the window, you had a perfect view of the inside of the bar.
Maybe I could drive through and order some beer and then see if Tony or anybody else I know is in there.
Tony was a friend of mine from high school and he owned the bar. I hadn’t talked to him in a long time, but whenever we did see each other we always picked up where we left off. Hopefully he was there now.
For some odd reason, I was nervous as I pulled up to the window. I took a quick peak but didn’t instantly recognize anyone. A young girl, who I didn’t know, came to the window to wait on me. “Hi there,” she said in a cheerful voice.
“Hi,” I said with a smile. “Can I have a six pack of Bud Light bottles, please?”
“You sure can,” she replied, walking away to get the beer.
The music was loud and the bar was full of people. I looked for Tony, but didn’t see him. By this point, the girl returned with my beer.
“That will be six dollars and fifty cents.”
“Here you go,” I said, handing her seven dollars. “Is Tony here tonight?”
“You just missed him. He left ten minutes ago.”
“Oh, really? That’s too bad. Can you tell him Kate Turner said ‘hi’?”
“I sure will.”
“Great, thanks, and keep the change.”
“Thanks! Have a good night.”
“You too,” I said before driving off.
Insecurity and a feeling of not fitting in any more came over me, so I drove straight home.
"Something came up and not going to Creekside now. I’ll call you later. Kate."
After sending a text message to Tina and Shelly, I shut off my phone, grabbed a beer and put in a movie. I tried to concentrate on it, but my thoughts kept going back to the fact that I was all alone. I felt so depressed and caught myself chugging the beer just to make this sad realization go away. Before I knew it, I had drunk the entire six pack. My head was spinning as I finally passed out on the couch.
In the morning I awoke with a major headache.
“Ohhhh,” I said as I stumbled to the kitchen and took some aspirin. “Mental note,” I said out loud, “I need to find a different way of dealing with my pain.”
I choked down a few crackers and a couple sips of Gatorade before lying back on the couch for the rest of the day. I never turned my cell phone back on. My head was throbbing and my stomach was queasy. The only thing I wanted to do the rest of the day was sleep, which is exactly what I did for the rest of the weekend.
Chapter 14
“Kate, please call me back. We really need to talk,” Aaron’s first voicemail said. “Kate, this is Aaron again. Please call me back,” was his second voicemail and the third one went like this: “Kate— for Pete’s sake. This is ridiculous! You can’t keep avoiding me. I know you’re hurting, and I’m sorry for that, but at some point we really need to talk!”
By now it had been a month since everything happened. The only communication between Aaron and me was when he would come to pick up the girls. He made many attempts to talk about us, which was something I completely avoided. I know this was childish, but I was still not over the shock. And until then, I didn’t feel there was anything to talk about.
Work and hanging out with my family became my only “extra-curricular” activities, and while I talked regularly to my friends, I rejected their constant invites to go out. Since that night I attempted to go to Creekside, I couldn’t shake the feeling of not fitting in any more, and I decided I was destined to be an old maid for the rest of my life.
While most of my friends understood my reasoning for isolation, Liz did not, and one night while we were talking on the phone, she let me know it.
“Kate, it’s been a month. It’s time you come out of hiding and start living your life again.”
“I know, it’s just-” I began to say, but she stopped me.
“Kate, I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses. I’m constantly inviting you and the girls over for supper, but you turn me down. I ask you to go shopping and you turn me down on that too. All you do is hide in your little apartment like a big old hermit.”
Liz was the only person that could talk to me like that and get away with it. She has been in my life since I can remember and she knows me better than anyone. While I didn’t like what she had to say, I still listened and respected her brutal honesty.
“You’re
