all a little uneasy.
“Never heard of no woman playing craps,” someone grumbled.
At the Vine and Fig Tree, the whores rolled the die whenever business was slow. But I did not think now was the time to mention my erstwhile profession.
“Well, fair’s fair,” Decius Mundus settled it.
So in Decius Mundus’s small but elegant guest apartment, we crouched on the floor in a circle as if we were in an army barracks or camp and took turns casting the die. We each had three rolls, and a one in eight chance of winning. Better odds than I’d had in a while. Better odds than the soldiers knew. While I waited my turn, I could feel my hands growing hot. I held the smile that wanted to spread across my face inside.
When the die came to me, I acted cool, unconcerned, ignoring the breath of the men hovering too close and the laughter of the man who was winning—so far. I rolled once. Surprised grunts. I rolled twice. Shock followed by held breaths. I rolled a third time.
“Shit!” exploded the man who had just lost to me. “That’s fucking unbelievable.”
“Believe it!” laughed Decius Mundus. “All right, everybody. Party’s over. Clear out and you’ll still have time to hit the brothels on the way home—those of you who have any money left.”
It took awhile, but the room finally emptied of soldiers like the last glug, glug, glug of a flask of cheap wine. I waited, not wanting to leave in their company. When his guests had all gone, Decius draped himself alluringly on his couch. If my luck held, he would be out for the count in a minute. I glanced at the doorkeeper, a perfect slave, feigning indifference. Thanks to Reginus’s tutelage, I knew better. My presence in Decius Mundus’s apartment and everything that happened would be reported to the highest bidder in the information market.
I checked on Decius again; his eyes were mere slits. I would just go now, a stray slave woman waylaid by a drunken party. Nothing more. I headed for the door.
“What’s your hurry? Where’re you going?”
Decius roused himself, and the slave, who had been standing aside, moved again so that he completely blocked my way.
“I won, remember?”
“You won,” he agreed. “So you can do what you want. Don’t you want to stay awhile?”
Did I?
“Take a break, Fido.” He sent his man away. “The woman will do as she pleases.”
A man who respected a woman’s sovereignty; that was more seductive to me than the way he lay back, shifting his leg to best display his pelvis, his arms open and resting on the couch, his whole posture inviting. A slow smile spread over his face as he took me in, starting at my feet and moving up, lingering on my thighs, belly, breasts, with a heat I could feel across the room, before he finally connected with my eyes. A hot look, a wind blowing from southern places. Yet as he held me in his gaze, something in me knew: he is no different from Paulina. He’s looking at himself. I’m just a mirror. I’m supposed to reflect how irresistible he is, how unnecessary force is for a man like him.
I closed my eyes to shut him out. Inside I found a desert and a dreadful thirst. What did it matter? I could take a plunge with Decius Mundus, let him plunge in, bring down my juices, awaken my secret springs. Why should I wish for cold, distant stars when I could have hot stars exploding in my belly, my breasts, my head.
For a moment I saw the green gold light under the yews, felt the heat of my sudden summer with Esus. But he had left me. Long ago now. I’d been a whore. I’d had hundreds of men. What would one more matter?
“Come here,” Decius groaned.
I opened my eyes. He was holding out his arms, his cock rising, making a comical tent out of his tunic. All I had to do was ease myself onto him. It would be easy, so easy.
Too easy, a tart voice inside me said. Way too damn easy. For him. To have a slave woman, send her off with dripping thighs back to her servitude. At the Vine and Fig Tree, men had at least paid for the privilege, and I had the means there to keep my womb plugged up tight. If I went to Decius now, we might both have pleasure. But only one of us would pay.
“Sorry, Dec,” I said lightly. “Thanks for the offer. But not tonight.”
The blood abandoned his cock and rushed to his face. That’s it, I thought. Now he’ll jump me. But he recovered quickly, too lazy, too tired, too generally pleased with himself to press me.
“Your loss,” he shrugged.
Loss, yes, but not of Decius, though he might have provided a brief distraction.
“Wait,” he said, as I turned to go. “I’ll escort you. You shouldn’t be wandering around alone at night, especially not during Saturnalia. If someone else had found you, it would have been a different story. Where are you quartered?”
“The domina Paulina’s cubiculo.”
“Ah.” He sounded interested, though I couldn’t see his face as we walked single file through a corridor. “That’s why you look familiar.”
He hadn’t said so before.
“My title is pedisequa,” I sighed.
“What were you doing on the other side of the insularium,” he asked a trifle sharply; no doubt he brokered information like everyone else. “Her quarters are almost half a mile away.”
“The domina was out,” I said shortly. It was none of his business what I did or why.
“Ah, yes, on the Palatine.”
“Were you there earlier?” I steered the conversation away from myself.
“I wasn’t invited.” He answered candidly, but for the first time his tone was serious, almost grim. “My rank’s not high enough—yet.”
“Yeah, mine isn’t either.”
“But you’re a slave.” He didn’t catch my irony. His sense of humor evaporated when it came it himself.
“Listen, Dec.” I turned around.
He collided with me and caught me against his chest. For all the wine fumes and the smoke from the brazier, he smelled like the outdoors to me, like the world beyond the walls. However vain he was, there was something so uncomplicated about him, simple. Refreshing in Rome. Maybe he was just stupid, but in that moment, I wanted the comfort of that simplicity so badly I almost wept.
“You can always change your mind,” he murmured into my hair.
“I can find my own way from here.” I gently pushed him away. “You know and I know, the walls have eyes and ears. It would not be cool if anyone saw me with you.”
“Why not?” He was diverted from his lust. “Would it jeopardize my standing with Claudius in some way?”
Yes, it was all about him.
“It would
