The Amours & Alarums of Eliza MacLean
Or,
Some Have Drama Thrust Upon Them
Annie Warwick
[Lacuna]
2014
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 ~ An Unusual Alliance
In which we introduce the early years of an unusual alliance between Eliza MacLean and Billy Sylvester, and Eliza knows the many joys of being an actor’s daughter.
Billy adopts an Unpleasant persona. Eliza encounters Puberty and is very cross; Richard, being impatient of such foul humour, instructs Eliza to take herself in hand.
Chapter 3 ~ Desire Most Felonious
Illustrating the futility of imposing the modern legal system on the teenage libido.
Featuring some reminiscences on Richard’s lovers, Billy’s pointy ears, a new musical focus, a large feline, and a really satisfying charade.
Meeting, parting, and the compensations of love in the afternoon.
In which Eliza finds a new love and Richard finds one he had mislaid.
Chapter 7 ~ Life, Death, a Parting and a Package
In spring, a Life comes to an End, a Relationship Blooms despite some weeds in the garden, and the Case of the Suspicious Parcel.
Chapter 8 ~ Case Studies in Psychology
In which the course of True Love, far from running smooth, involves trundling down a cobblestoned alley in a wheelbarrow. One lover is dismissed, one is briefly reappointed. Billy gets a black eye, his marching orders and a Harley. Eliza gets a bicycle.
Chapter 9 ~ A Parallel Universe
In which Billy and Eliza appear to be in synch: meetings with respective future in-laws, and overseas travel.
Chapter 10 ~ Coming Together Again
Of Events Ecstatic and yet so Reprehensible, that to hint at them here would seem to condone them.
Chapter 11 ~ Milestones and Millstones
Two weddings, a birth, and events of such direness that two funerals could well have been necessary.
In which the aftermath of the previously mentioned direness resonates far and wide, even unto the other side of the Pacific Ocean, affecting everyone except Ellie and Warwick.
Chapter 13 ~ Stepping Out and Stepping Up
In which Eliza examines the Psychodynamics of Sluttiness, goes to a wedding, mucks up Billy’s love life and makes plans to go to Mars.
In which Eliza gets back on the Band Wagon and experiences an Altered State. Billy reaches out to the universe. Richard and Linda experience an unfortunate convergence.
Chapter 15 ~ The Girl in the Sheet
In which Fate, Bluegrass and Billy’s friends are all working overtime on his love life.
Chapter 16 ~ The Truth Be Told
Princess Ellie of MacLean graciously receives a visitor. Truth is told and Confusions ironed out. The families receive the News.
In which Ellie and Billy attract the attention of the press, Eliza has lunch with the mafia and dinner with Billy, and Ellie is suitably alarmed.
Chapter 18 ~ Villains and Heroes
In which are related some Bloody Events, which the author is reluctant to describe here, for fear of discouraging the Sensitive Reader from finishing the Whole Tale.
In the days following said Bloody Events, there are a few bloodstained nightmares. Eliza, Ellie and Billy fly to Australia for Christmas. Richard has a surprise for them up in the mountains, and Billy and Linda play dumb.
Family, friends and storm clouds gather. The pot is stirred, and secrets float to the top. Eliza has a traumatic Christmas pudding experience and Billy makes an announcement.
Featuring Dramatic Scenes – A hen’s party – About bloody time! – In vino veritas
Chapter 21 and a Bit ~ The Perplexing Problem of the Ending
Having related to the reader a tale of life, love,
