Dispatches From Paradise. Shelly Gitlow

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Dispatches From Paradise - Shelly Gitlow

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room, open her door.

      “What’s this, Darcy?”

      “Jeez. Can’t you knock? Looks like a joint to me. But it’s not mine, must be Cole’s.”

      “I don’t believe it.”

      “Of course, you don’t. You never believe me.”

      “I can’t deal with this now.”

      I get the old icy glare.

      “There’s nothing to deal with.”

      I give her the old stern look. She ignores me.

      “That better be true.”

      Unfortunately, it looks like Darcy’s and my conflict, second only to the Israeli-Palestinian one, has been rekindled. I leave her room and look at the joint. Hmmm. When was the last time I smoked pot? Back in college. It was fun.

      I’m about to flush the joint when something hits me. Maybe I should hold on to it, just in case. Who knows what I might do in my new life? I’m not an addictive personality, so why not keep it for a special occasion? I put it in my jewelry box, next to my engagement and wedding rings. So many changes, but they feel right.

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      Darcy, Cole, Michael, and I are chowing down on tofu, veggies, and brown rice. I made a quick trip to Whole Foods and brought in some vegan food. Michael’s wolfing it down. I’m trying to like it and not succeeding, but I keep that to myself. Darcy makes a face and pushes her almost-full plate out of the way.

      “How can you eat this? It’s gross.”

      “It’s good to try new things. And it’ll help you get in shape for modeling.”

      That totally backfires. She gets defensive.

      “You think I’m fat.”

      I have to be careful. Darcy used to purge. I definitely don’t want her going down that road again.

      “Not at all. You’re perfect. But you know how the fashion world is.”

      Michael stops gorging himself and jumps into the fray.

      “Whatever you want to do, this stuff is good for you. It gets rid of the toxins in your system.”

      Darcy’s not buying it. Neither is Cole. She rolls her eyes at him, and he smirks and nods. He’s totally infatuated with Darcy. He bonds with her about the food.

      “He makes me eat this crap, even though I hate it”

      “You’ll thank me when you make the Olympic team.”

      The kids exchange looks. They’ve had it with us. Darcy gets up.

      “Let’s go, Cole.”

      He jumps up so quickly that he knocks over his chair. Michael’s nervous.

      “Where do you think you’re going, Cole?”

      “With Darcy. To a party. It’s not a big deal, Dad.”

      “I didn’t say you could go. You have a meeting with the coach tomorrow.’

      “Don’t sweat it. I’ll be there.”

      “You better be. Otherwise no more parties for you. And make sure your phone is on so I can call you.”

      “Okay.”

      “Promise?”

      “Yeah, sure.”

      I should say something so Michael doesn’t feel like the bad guy.

      “Be careful, Darcy.”

      She glares at me.

      “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, Mom.”

      And off they go. I’m nervous too. But I have to get used to her being home and having a life. I hope she doesn’t get Cole involved in anything too outrageous. He’s from Ohio. This is Miami. At the very least, he’ll get an education hanging out with Darcy.

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      I’m alone with Michael in the backyard. Harry Connick Jr. is serenading us with “It Had to Be You,” which is way too mushy for the occasion, but my iPod is on shuffle. Is this all happening too quickly? Too quickly for what? I’ve been celibate for a long time. I can’t even admit to myself how long. Richard tried to keep up some semblance of a sex life, but I didn’t want his pity sex. Stop thinking about Richard. I offer Michael a taste of the Malbec I’m drinking.

      “No, thanks. I don’t like to share glasses. You know, germs.”

      I get another glass and pour some for him.

      “Sorry. You shouldn’t have. I don’t put that poison in my body.”

      Is he really this uptight?

      “Don’t they say that drinking in moderation is better than not drinking at all? Red wine lowers your cholesterol or something.”

      “They say a lot of things.”

      He pulls out his cell phone.

      “I’m going to call Cole, make sure he’s okay.”

      “It’s only been an hour. I’m sure they’re fine. Darcy will take care of him. She knows her way around.”

      He’s not entirely convinced. Neither am I. But he relaxes a little and puts the phone away. When Harry finishes crooning, “Walk like an Egyptian” by the Bangles starts playing. Michael seizes the opportunity to actually walk like an Egyptian and plant one on me. I guess he’s not that worried about germs. It’s an unsettling experience. My first kiss in a long time doesn’t even meet my very low expectations. He dives in with an open mouth, and he doesn’t even put his tongue in my mouth. His open mouth is just there, and I don’t know what to do. Am I supposed to put my tongue in his mouth? I try, but his tongue doesn’t respond, so I pull back and take a sip of wine. It’s all very creepy and embarrassing.

      He grabs the bottle of wine, pours himself a big glass and starts chugging. Traumatic for him too, I guess. Where do we go from here?

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      Michael’s a lot less uptight when he’s been drinking. He’s so loose that he grabs my arm and pulls me up to dance to Donna Summer’s “Bad Girls.” He shakes his booty and flails his arms, without a trace of rhythm. I’m a better dancer than he is, which is pretty unbelievable. He rubs up against me and grabs my behind. I dance away.

      I’ve been fending him off for the last hour. That kiss did me in. I don’t think I can get past it. I boogie back to a lounge chair and get comfy. He follows me and zooms in for another make-out attempt. Why doesn’t

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