your fiancée or wife. Such uneasy relationships are not my ways.’ He was particularly unhappy that Maradona had engineered Spiteless, and not his fiancée to be close to his wife. ‘I think it would have been more agreeable if you introduced your fiancée to my wife instead of Spiteless. I do not mean that Spiteless is unacceptable in any way. She is quite a superb and amiable girl. I do not like the platform on which I came to know her. I feel rather very ashamed to meet her now following what I know.’”
“What did Maradona have to say for himself?”
“He wrote back with copies of all the letters Spiteless had sent him, asking Virtue to see for himself that Spiteless was reading far more into the relationship than there really was. But Virtue declined. He wrote, ‘I think it is not proper for me to read her letters to you and so I have personally returned them to her. Maradona, you are a good brother and a valuable friend, but you have to understand that my relationship with anybody has to be founded on mutual respect. Your action does not seem to conform to this golden rule of mine. I hope and pray such an act should not again occur.’”
“Were they actually brothers?”
“No, not even brothers in Christ, as you can guess.”
“How did Spiteless come out of all this?”
“She was full of spite towards Maradona, when she found out about his fiancée and untruths. ‘I am so angry over your selfish and inconsiderate behaviour that I cannot trust myself to speak to you without losing my temper. When you grill fish, please use aluminium foil to prevent the oil from dirtying the grill pan. If you cannot do so, kindly restrict yourself to one grill. It is not very pleasant to find both grill pans smelling of stale fish oil when one wants to toast bread and to get one’s bread stained yellow.’ She was and remains at her metaphorical best when angry, but her quest for a marriable bushfaller continues.
***
The surging cacophony of music penetrated the silence of their back room, like a river that had overflowed its banks.
“This is unbearable,” Lilly Loveless complained, gathering her things. “Do you think we could move somewhere else?”
Britney took a quick look at her watch. It was 10:30am. “Let’s try Mountain Valley,” she suggested. “At this time of day, it should be quiet for us to work.”
Lilly Loveless paid for the drinks.
After a fifteen minute taxi ride, they arrived at Mountain Valley and spread their things out on one of the many empty tables.
A waitress came and insisted they buy drinks, to be allowed to sit and work.
“We patron no like make people dem just come sit no drink, no chop,” she told them, making it clear that she was simply implementing instructions.
“I am a regular customer here, don’t you know me?” Lilly Loveless protested playfully. Then to Britney she asked: “Same thing?”
“Same thing,” Britney replied.
“One Pamplemouse, one Mimbo-Wanda, both cold,” she ordered.
The waitress left and was soon back with the drinks, accompanied by a tiny bowl of roasted groundnuts.
***
Britney resumed. Her second interview was about Pius Toktok, “a man who had worked for several years as a journalist with Radio Mimboland International in Nyamandem. During this time he had gained the interest of the local population because of his mastery of the language and style of broadcasting. Then he decided to leave for Puttkamerstown, in quest of a Masters degree at UM to be able to gain a promotion at his job. This meant he had to be away from his family in Nyamandem for the best part of two years. It also meant, given his popularity as a seasoned broadcast journalist, that he would be easily recognizable and admired, especially amongst us girls.
“Pius Toktok was almost past middle age. Soon after his arrival at the university, he fell for a student of History, Beatrice. She was an aspiring journalist herself, spoke with affectation, and had a soft spot for language well articulated. Whether or not this would have been enough for a relationship, I don’t know. But what I know is that the relationship started when Pius Toktok showed signs of being financially upright and thus Beatrice didn’t hesitate to open when he knocked at the door of her heart with affection. Like most Mboma relationships, this one was not really open. It was discreet. Only the neighbours around Beatrice had an idea of this affair, as Pius Toktok would drive late in the night into the mini-cité where she lived. More often than not he made sure he left her room before the light that announces the break of day. Unfortunately for Pius Toktok, the news of his infidelity soon reached his wife in Nyamandem.”
“Nothing can hide forever under the searchlight of the tropical Sun, as Bobinga Iroko would say,” said Lilly Loveless.
“Absolutely,” agreed Britney. “Upon hearing the unpleasant news, Mrs Toktok, herself a beauty still in her twenties, made a surprise visit. She made sure she had a good description of Beatrice before leaving Nyamandem. When she got to the mini-cité where Beatrice lived, late that night, she went to her room and knocked at the door. Pius Toktok and Beatrice were at home and, of course, in bed. With the small piece of cloth that he wrapped round his waist, Pius Toktok made straight for the door unsuspicious. To his greatest surprise, he beheld his wounded wife who roared into the room and seized Beatrice by the throat. A big fight broke out amongst the three. Guilt rendered Pius Toktok speechless before his wife. The shouting and wailing drew the attention of the neighbours who rushed out of their rooms to rescue the situation. It took them time and persistence to stop the fight and separate the women. There had been slapping, biting and tearing of clothes – so much so that the two ladies were half naked. Soon afterwards, there was a serious exchange of unpleasant words. Pius Toktok’ wife did her best to crush her husband with words in the face of the crowd. Same treatment for Beatrice who felt really bad as the crowd was full of her university mates, who could not understand what Pius Toktok had seen in her modest looks to risk his marriage. It was an experience that marred her entire stay at the university, as each time she was seen around campus, fellow students would shout ‘husband snatcher international’, pointing insultingly in her direction. Many were surprised by the strength of character she displayed by not abandoning her studies after what happened rapidly became a life in hell for her. The relationship with Pius Toktok didn’t outlive the incident. Whatever has happened between Pius Toktok and his wounded wife, I have not succeeded in finding out, but it doesn’t seem he completed his studies at UM.”
***
Lilly Loveless was pleased with the way Britney had conducted the interviews so far. They would provide some insights, she was sure. But she would have to tell her to be meatier in the data she collects, and to watch her personal views, in future interviews. It was better to have fewer and richer interviews, than many sketchy encounters. She thanked Britney, paid for the drinks and they separated, with Britney going off to conduct more interviews.
Lilly Loveless on the other hand went to the Archives where Prince Anointed was waiting for her with files to photocopy. She collected the files – mostly newspaper reports on sexual scandals and rumoured affairs in official circles in colonial times and the immediate post-independence period. She gave him Mim$200,000 to help him out for the month, and was about to leave when a visibly touched Prince Anointed, tears in his eyes, held her hand and said:
“An angel has made an appearance in hell.” He rubbed and caressed her hand with gratitude, graciousness, integrity and dignity. “I can’t begin to thank you enough for this,” he was now holding the money in both hands.
