of stones : woman’s journey to herself / Judith Duerk. — 15th anniversary ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-880913-63-5
1. Women—Psychology. 2. Women—Identity. 3. Femininity. 4. Identity (Psychology) 5. Sex role. I. Title
HQ1206 .D84 2004
155.6/33—dc22
0408
10 9 8 7 6 5
Acknowledgements
My thanks to the women who have allowed the use of their dreams and writings, and to the women of the original circle for whom this writing was begun.
My acknowledgment to Susan Stark and Elizabeth Gould-Leger for their skills and sensitivity in preparing early stages of this writing, and to Ruth Butler for her insights and assistance in later stages. My appreciation to Marcia Broucek of Innisfree Press for her kindness and warmth.
And my gratitude to my husband, John, and to my two sons, Adam and Joshua, for their steadfast encouragement. This writing from the feminine truly was “brought to expression on a platform carefully prepared by the supportive masculine.”
to my sister and my brotherand to Faith
Contents
The universal importance of woman’s tears
Then, saying goodbye…
IN SEARCH OF HER SELF
A sense of her depth
A sense of her feelings
A sense of her process
A sense of her fear
A sense of her need
A sense of her self
IN SEARCH OF HER LIFE
Grounding her being
Gathering her wholeness
Embracing her woundedness
Finding her voice
Deepening the Circle
Reading Group Suggestions
Circles of stones, haunting, healing, powerful … from the ancient circles, the Ring of Brogar in the Orkneys, the Rollright Stones, Stonehenge … to the dozens, perhaps hundreds of circles in Scandinavia and the northern isles …
Circles of smooth stones on a table top … dream images of stones in a circle … primordial places of devotion, the sacred grotto … attending the Goddess. For modern woman, the circle of stones as the place of centered stillness … listening to what is within, her work of individuation as her woman’s ego separates from the values around her and finds a ground, through its roots in the Archetypal Feminine, in the sacred Self within.
This writing rests on the image of a circle of stones. Not contiguous, the spaces in between trust the feeling and intuition of the reader to bridge the gaps. The themes—not linear, but circular, like the feminine process of consciousness in either man or woman come round again and again, impressing meaning through nuance, soft change of colouration, shift of light and shadow, repeating, chorus-like, perhaps comfortingly, lulling, soothing, deepening the imprint through subtle change of cadence, rubato.
The underlying theme … of woman’s birth from woman … identification with the Feminine … separation, as the animus, her masculine side, exerts its pull … her eventual return to feminine ground … to come to her own unique consciousness of the Archetypal Feminine … to let the strong, wise, and deep Feminine manifest in her life … now, not in unconscious identification, but through her own individual, subjective being and efforts.
This is not meant as a primer to instruct in the feminine individuation process, but an intimate testament for a woman to hold in her hand as she finds her own way how, into, and through.
How might your life have been different if there had been a place for you, a place for you to go to be with your mother, with your sisters and the aunts, with your grandmothers, and the great- and great-great-grandmothers, a place of women to go, to be, to return to, as woman?
How might your life be different?
Sometimes dreams alter the course of an entire life.
In the summer of my forty-sixth year, one day before my birthday, I had a dream that did not so much alter the course of my life as it did confirm, in the deepest possible way, its pre-existing course—confirm that which my life already, however gropingly, was becoming.
For two years before the dream, a series of images had come to me around the motif of women seated in a circle, coming together to understand their lives. The images had come, wondrously, one by one, each time as I was about to lead a women’s group in monthly retreat. Each image began with the words “How might your life have been different if …” They named themselves the Circle of Stones.
Into this, then, came the dream. It took that which I cared most deeply about in myself and my work and turned it over slowly and thoughtfully, reflecting various aspects of it and pointing out its validity and meaning. The dream said to me that what I was doing, my life, my ideas, and my work, were coming out of a center inside myself. It said that I needed to trust the truth of that process and to let it come out more fully. I needed to leave behind an allegiance to the collective values in order to trust that which was truly individual, was truly my own, a woman’s own, was very much needed.
The dream and images themselves spoke powerfully to me of my life as woman. The women with whom I shared them were moved by them. I thought that they might carry meaning to other women, also. And so I began, tentatively, to write.
This present writing grew, bit by bit, as the dream unfolded and intertwined with the images. As the meaning of one piece, then another, emerged, a configuration began to take shape. It was of a woman separating from her surroundings and letting
