Gretchen sighed audibly and crossed her arms across her chest. She held Reese’s gaze as she talked. “Look. Reese. You know I’ve been unhappy for a long time. We’ve talked about it. Just a few days ago you observed that I was anxious and agitated and you were concerned about me.”
“Yes. I was. You were. But you seemed so much better yesterday. I thought…What are you saying?”
Gretchen didn’t waver. She sat straight and still with her hands folded peacefully on her lap. She continued to look her friend in the eye. “Reese. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?” Reese could hear the tension in her own voice. She wanted to stay calm and have a rational conversation with her dear friend, but she didn’t like the way this conversation was going.
“All of this.” Gretchen took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and gestured. With a sweep of her arm, she indicated Elise, the swing set and sandbox in the backyard, Max and Isaac, and Dominic. “I’ve tried, Reese, I really have. Especially after Elise was born. I wanted to give her a happy family like you and Isaac do for Dominic. But my staying around and being miserable isn’t going to give her a happy home. Quite the opposite, actually. You saw how she and I reacted to each other just now. And it’s only going to get worse. I just don’t feel loving or closeness to her or to Max or to this life. The only thing I can do to make them happy is leave so I can be happy, too. I’m not trying to be selfish.”
Reese couldn’t believe what her friend was saying. She just shook her head. She wanted to say something, so she began, “Gretchen, no—”
“Reese, yes,” Gretchen interrupted. “I’ve made up my mind, so please don’t try to change it. I actually have a job lined up. That’s why I was so agitated the other day. When I said weeks ago that I was on a business trip, I was really interviewing. The offer came in a few days ago, and it forced me to make a decision: stay or go. I chose to accept, and it was the right choice. I felt peaceful and calm after I accepted. The job is my dream job in my dream place.” Reese felt her eyes widen. “At Howard K. Banks, one of the top architecture firms on the East Coast. I’ll be in their Boston office.”
“Boston? Have you lost your mind?”
“No. I have finally found my mind and listened to my heart.” She smiled now, and her eyes, sparkling and gazing over Reese’s shoulder, were eyes that could clearly see a yearned-for dream manifesting itself. “Reese, you know I’ve always wanted to live on the East Coast. Everyone always talked me out of it. Then I met Max. I thought I could be happy staying here in Oregon with him, but I was so wrong. You also know that I didn’t want Elise. But accidents happen and here she is. She deserves a good life, but I’m not the one to give it to her.”
“Gretchen!” Reese’s voice reflected her sorrow and anger. “You are abandoning your family! Have you talked to Max? Have you asked him to go with you? He’s crazy about you, and I’m pretty damn sure he would move to the moon with you if that’s what you wanted to do.”
Gretchen turned her head away, but only briefly. “No. I haven’t told Max. He doesn’t know yet, so please don’t say anything. I know he would go, but the truth is…” she trailed off and sighed. She glanced at her husband, seemed to study him, then turned back to Reese, who was studying her the way she had just studied Max. “The truth is that I don’t want him to come with me. I don’t love him, and I’m not even sure that I like him anymore. Everything he does bugs the shit out of me.” She and Reese looked at each other in silence. “Don’t look at me like that, Reese. Max and I aren’t like you and Isaac.”
Reese had progressed from shocked to sorrowful to irritated to angry. Currently in the angry phase, she didn’t even try to keep her tone neutral. “Whoa. Hold on a second. First, what do you think that Isaac and I have that you and Max don’t? Haven’t you listened to me at all over the years? Marriage is hard, Gretchen. We don’t have it perfect. Sometimes—”
“Wait. I didn’t say you had it perfect. But you can make it work and you join together to raise Dominic. I don’t want to join Max or team up with him or talk to him or even look at him. You don’t feel that way about Isaac, do you? You love him.” It almost sounded like an accusation.
Reese shifted in her chair and absentmindedly bounced Elise on her lap. “Yes, I love Isaac. Deeply, actually. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy or perfect or that I love everything about him. Just like you’ve vented to me, I’ve vented to you about Isaac. A lot. You know that he frustrates me sometimes. He can have a temper. He’s moody. Sometimes drastically, like I’m not even sure if I’m dealing with the Isaac I married. But he always snaps out of it, sometimes more quickly than others, but he always comes around. And yeah, sometimes his behavior is a bit bizarre and confusing, and when I call him on it he always pretends that he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.” Reese shook her head. “The man’s memory sucks, actually, but we all have our own faults. We’re human. And he and I fight because of our faults. But more often than not, we don’t fight. There are so many wonderful things about Isaac, and I love him despite the flaws and the annoyances and the frustrating things that make me want to wring his neck.” Reese smiled wistfully and looked at Gretchen, silently imploring her to understand.
Gretchen nodded slowly. “Thank you, Reese. Thank you,” she said quietly but emphatically. “I know that this isn’t at all what you intended, but you just proved my point. I don’t feel the way about Max the way you feel about Isaac. I know I’m probably a bitch, but all I see are his flaws. There is nothing endearing about him anymore. We fight more often than we don’t, and it doesn’t even bother me. If I loved him, it would bother me, and I would feel something. But I just don’t love him, Reese, and I never will. He and Elise will be better off without me. We all deserve to be happy, myself included.” She uncrossed her legs and crossed them the other way.
“Oh, Gretchen—”
“I’m not asking you to approve or to feel anything, Reese. I’m telling you as my best friend. Nothing more or nothing less. I’m telling Max later today, so please don’t say anything.”
Reese opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a howl. Maternal instinct kicked in, and before she even turned to look to see what had happened, she stood and walked briskly into the yard. Isaac was just scooping up a bleeding and wailing Dominic when she reached them. Dominic reached for her and lurched out of Isaac’s arms toward his mother. Either Dominic or Elise would have fallen to the ground if Max hadn’t acted swiftly and grabbed his baby.
“Nice move, Max,” Reese smiled at him briefly, then turned to console Dominic. She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, taking in as she did so the little face that looked like a canvas of finger paint with its smear of tears and blood and dirt. “Come on, sweetie. Daddy and I are going to take you inside and get you all fixed up, okay?” As the trio made their way into the house, Reese snapped, “What happened, Isaac? You were supposed to be playing with him. What good does it do to have you out there with him if you aren’t going to watch what he’s doing? Or did you play too rough and hurt him?”
“Hey! Reese, it just happened.” Isaac began to talk in a rush, words a whorl of indignation and distress. “Dominic wanted to slide into home, but he tripped and rammed the bag with his face. God. I wouldn’t hurt my son. That’s disgusting. I wouldn’t harm him, Reese. He’s our little boy, and I love him. He’s only five. Why would I hurt him? Ask Max.”
“Slow down. Take some breaths and just settle down. I’m sorry, Isaac. I didn’t mean it.” Reese placed Dominic on the bathroom counter and began to gently wash his face. Isaac grabbed a second washcloth and held it over Dominic’s nose to stop
