was bad, but being paralyzed with grief and guilt for a whole day was a disaster. I was in real fear of losing my job. My mind felt dull and sluggish, causing me to slip into a continual state of mental blur. The heaviness in my chest just would not go away, and the void in my stomach just kept getting deeper.
Nothing I did could relieve the helplessness I felt. I tried alcohol, but it just made me feel sick. I contemplated drugs and psychiatric medication but knew that they just masked symptoms and would leave me feeling even hollower. My body seemed to be falling apart; I lost around thirty pounds in less than two weeks. I wanted the overwhelming feeling of depression to go away, but nothing would get rid of it. I thought of suicide on a number of occasions.
I felt as if I were trying to put my mind into gear, but all I could hear was the crunching of the gears. How could I get my mind to bounce back? How could let go of this pain? I did not want to numb my mind; I wanted to regain my clarity and focus. I wanted to regain my mind’s ability to make decisions, to serve me so that I could serve people around me. I knew my mind had been resilient before; I knew that if I could somehow stop this incessant chatter, I could do the things that had been so easy before. But from my viewpoint at the time, I could not even begin to imagine that it would ever be possible.
During those dark days, one option that kept occurring to me was meditation. I wondered if I could use it to regain the mental resilience I realized I had lost. It had been years since I had practiced, as if a lifetime had passed since I had trekked out to Nanda’s hut for my lessons, but somewhere deep in my mind, I had a sense that meditation might be the solution to my grief and depression.
Desperate for something to wrench me out of my despair, I read some meditation books to remind me of the techniques, but I found that they no longer had any resonance. The techniques seemed to be full of mumbo jumbo and relied on a foundation of faith. I needed something different now; I needed a tool to discipline my mind so that I could return to the everyday world with a new practice, one that was experiential and grounded in the practicality of ordinary life.
I read all that I could get my hands on and tried to strip all the information to its bare bones to uncover the fundamentals of the meditation being espoused. In dissecting the information I was gathering, I began to release the ritual cats that made meditation confusing (see the following box). What I ended up with was a simple practice that focused on developing mental resilience and clarity. I call this method Mental Resilience Training.
RITUAL CATS
Once upon a time, there was a teacher who had a pet cat. When he and his disciples sat down to meditate in the evening, the cat would make a lot of noise. This distracted the students terribly, because they did not have the same ability to concentrate as their master. To be kind to his students and assist in their practice, the teacher decided the cat should be tied up before the meditation practice. This went on for many years. When the teacher passed away, the cat continued to be tied up during the meditation sessions. Once the cat grew old and died, another cat was brought into the monastery and tied up. After many generations, the teacher’s decendants wrote scholarly texts on the religious significance of cats and their importance to the meditation process.
My return to meditation ultimately lifted me out of my downward spiral. I still felt pain and grief over the loss of our daughter, but through my practice I was able to compartmentalize this grief so that it no longer paralyzed me. My mind regained its original power and focus, and I began to function again and enjoy my life.
I now practice meditation daily and teach it to my friends and colleagues, from successful entrepreneurs to stay-at-home mothers and fathers overseeing busy households. The members of this diverse group have several things in common: they engage in relationships, face conflicting demands, have little time, have to meet difficult deadlines, get sick, and feel angry or sad — just like me. The meditation practice I teach provides the skills to cope with these day-to-day pressures, fostering greater mental resilience.
When the mind is at peace, the world, too, is at peace.
J. KRISHNAMURTI
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Mental Resilience Training? Many people are put off by the word meditation, due to the religious or New Age connotations. However, these same people have no qualms about going to a gym when they feel physically weak. Meditation is about keeping the mind strong, clear, and resilient. I call this technique Mental Resilience Training because it helps keep the mind clear and strong without religious implications.
Can I learn to meditate without a teacher? When I learned to meditate, I was fortunate to have a private teacher. My teacher got to know my psychological makeup and then developed a meditation practice based on these traits and my personal hot spots. I was extremely lucky to have had such a personalized practice.
However, it is still possible to acquire a strong and effective meditation practice without personal instruction. The techniques described in this book and the exercises provided on the audio are suitable for anyone facing pressures and stress in work and personal life. They are suited to anyone who wants to learn how to delve into the mind; stop the seeming chaos and clutter; and find the right tools to increase clarity, resilience, and, ultimately, peacefulness and productivity. You can achieve a very effective practice by using the techniques in this book. However, if you want to pursue your meditation practice further, it can help to attend a weekend or week-long meditation retreat.
How long will it take me to learn how to meditate? Studies show that most people take twenty-one days to transform new behaviors into new habits. So, while I cannot promise mystical results or a magic potion that can heal all your ills, I can promise that if you commit to twenty-one days of practicing meditation (using this book and the audio with the suggested program in chapter 12), you will definitely realize these benefits: clarity of mind and mental resilience. It is written in the Vedas, “If you want to dig a well, it’s no use digging a few meters and then stopping and trying somewhere else. You have to keep at it for a while.” This adage applies to your journey with meditation. We live in an age where gratification is often instant. The latest news is online or on the television or radio. If we want to communicate with a friend or colleague overseas, we pick up the phone or send an email. When hungry, we grab fast food. As a result, we have become increasingly impatient. Meditation is not an instant thing; unlike with coffee, the buzz is unlikely to come immediately.
For meditation to have the required results for your well-being, you need to take the time to slow down and see what’s really going on inside. Just as if you were rediscovering a long-lost friend, learning about yourself takes a while to happen.
I know meditators who have practiced for twenty years and still consider themselves beginners. Each time they sit for meditation, they find something new and wondrous about themselves that makes them even more resilient. However, even if you meditate for one minute or even one heartbeat, you will start receiving some of the benefits. Just as setting down a heavy bag for a moment gives you relief, so will a mere moment’s meditation provide calm. It will also enable you to carry that heavy load even farther.
If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six hours sharpening my axe.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN
