has “flabby pecs,” Simon Cowell has “perky moobs,” and even former body builder Arnold Schwarzenegger was ridiculed by TV Guide for now having “boobs” and that his days of having a “rock hard body” are “long gone.”99
The culmination of the romantic relationship is inevitably the birth of a baby. So quickly do the stories jump from love to babies that coverage of celebrity weddings often promise pregnancy before the rings have even been exchanged. Thus, losing your man is a big tragedy, but remaining childless is even bigger. Two-inch headlines like “BABY NEWS” and “HOLLYWOOD’S BABY BOOM” are constantly recycled. Motherhood has now become nearly compulsory for female stars: they must have a baby to fulfill what is allegedly every woman’s innate dream to become a mother. Babies are cast as bundles of joy and life-changing blessings, never stressful. Julia Roberts was constantly hounded about having kids until her twins arrived. George Clooney, by contrast, was not badgered about when he would reproduce (although his wife Amal was).100 Women who opt out of motherhood are portrayed as tragic. Poor Jennifer Aniston has been prodded for over a decade because she did not have any children and supposedly was pining for them. Time and time again, the stories that heralded her alleged pregnancies turned out to be false.
This hypernatalism of celebrity journalism has led to a feature we never used to see, the rise of the invasive “bump patrol.” Ever since a nude and fully pregnant Demi Moore graced the cover of Vanity Fair in 1991, display of one’s belly has become less embarrassing and even glamorous. So telephoto lenses now zoom in on the midsections of scores of female celebrities accompanied by speculation about whether she’s pregnant or simply ate too much for lunch. The Star has featured its “Bump Brigade” and “How to Dress a Bump (and Not!)” that showcase stylish maternity clothes that are “HOT!” The bump patrol works to further police famous women’s bodies and sexualities. Through these narratives and images, the public is offered access to the most intimate details of a woman’s personal bodily changes and choices. Gossip magazines draw giant circles around stars’ stomachs, encouraging readers to comment and judge. Doting moms are celebrated while “bad” moms—think Britney Spears driving with her baby on her lap—are failures, not only as parents, but as women.101
With standards set so impossibly high, it is perhaps unsurprising that, in this world, successful women can’t get along with each other. Instead, they “clash,” “butt heads,” and “fight,” particularly over scarce resources: attention and decent men. The real or alleged feuds between celebrity women ask you to take sides, and usually the woman who lost her man to someone else is cast as more sympathetic than the one who stole him away. These are high school sensibilities at their finest. This was true in 1959 when Elizabeth Taylor “stole” Eddie Fisher from America’s sweetheart, Debbie Reynolds, and was clearly cast as the evil one, a story revived in the never-ending Jen-Brangelina saga, in which all-American Aniston was typically the victim, Jolie the vixen. Male relationships, when they are featured, are not cast in this catty light—they betray women, not each other. For women, sisterhood is not powerful; it is impossible.
When not fighting over men, women are battling over every detail of their appearance. Indeed, what is especially striking is the constant pitting of gorgeous women against each other. Gossip magazines and talk shows routinely provide visual lineups based primarily on red carpet photos, of women wearing the same or similar outfits and then judging who looked the best, typically based on the minutest details. In Touch and OK! feature “Who Wore It Better?,” US Weekly has “Who Wore It Best?,” and Life & Style “Who Wears It Best?” in which two celebs are juxtaposed against each other in the same dress or outfit. One gets a circle with a checkmark titled “she did,” the other a circle with an X, crossing out her efforts. The loser has worn shoes that are “too heavy (and just don’t match)” or her bust is “bursting out of the dress.”102
In “Red Carpet Ready?,” celebrities are actually made to compete against themselves. The same woman is seen in two different outfits at different events and in one she is labeled “ready” and the other “not ready.” Celebrity commentator Perez Hilton compares women’s current and previous hairdos; either the woman’s current self loses to her past self, or vice versa.103 The Enquirer has its weekly “fashion hits & misses” in which some women are exhorted to “Trash Your Stylist,” because the fashion blunders are deemed so egregious. Life & Style asks “Who’s Got the Best …” and focuses on women’s lipstick choices and hairstyles. Here we have women who on the one hand seem strong and independent, yet on the other hand are constantly shown to be inadequate in some way or another.104
Thus, celebrity narratives teach powerful lessons about the featured stars, who are primarily young, white, and heterosexual, and what constitutes success for such women. And given both the target market for such magazines, TV shows, and websites, and the notorious ageism of Hollywood, especially when it comes to women, older women are rarely seen in these precincts. There are three major exceptions: the star who has gained too much weight or is a victim of bad plastic surgery; the “tragic” allegedly sick or dying star, almost always cast as forgotten, possibly broke, and alone; and, even more rarely, the “hot” exception, like Helen Mirren. As Holmes and Negra point out, the “markers of ageing are relentlessly scrutinized and judged, with women variously castigated for the ‘sin’ of ‘letting themselves go,’ or mocked for displaying highly visible, or unattractive cosmetic surgery procedures.”105 Those who enjoyed fame in their youth are either scoffed at for not keeping up with their appearance or, like Goldie Hawn and Janice Dickinson, ridiculed for the vanity of plastic surgery.
One exemplar of these ageist beauty standards was forty-seven-year-old Susan Boyle, who became a star after belting out a killer version of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables on Britain’s Got Talent. Her instant fame was propelled by the shock, expressed by both the show’s judges and the audience, that a conventionally unattractive forty-seven-year-old, slightly overweight woman with overly thick eyebrows and somewhat disheveled hair could actually have talent. When Boyle first introduced herself, stated her age, and said she wanted to be a singing star, the camera showed the judges smirking and audience members rolling their eyes. After the performance, the audience and the judges alike gave her a rousing standing ovation. Judge Piers Morgan exclaimed, “Without a doubt, that was the biggest surprise in my three years on this show”; what he didn’t say was that it was because of the contrast between her age, weight, and appearance and the stunning sound of her voice.106
Women of color may face less scrutiny in the world of celebrity gossip, but that’s because they are rarely featured. Studies show that white women are the most popular subjects of magazines and films and few Black, Latina, Asian, and Native women occupy the top tiers of the A-list. In 2016, Forbes listed Jennifer Lawrence, Melissa McCarthy, and Scarlett Johansson as the top three earning female stars.107 The only nonwhite actresses earning top dollar, Indian actress Deepika Padukone and China’s Fan Bingbing, are largely unknown to the Western media market. While some celebrities of color—Beyoncé, of course, and Jay Z, Kanye West (primarily because of his marriage to Kim Kardashian), Kerry Washington, and singers like Alicia Keys—are regularly the subjects of gossip, TV shows, and websites, it takes a major scandal or event, such as Beyoncé’s sister Solange attacking Jay Z in an elevator in 2014, and having it caught on surveillance tape, to have celebrities of color make it to the top headlines or magazine covers.
The same is true for LGBT stars. Much has changed since the 1990s in the acceptance and often sympathetic depiction of gay and lesbian celebrities. Think of Ellen DeGeneres, whose sitcom was cancelled in 1998, a year after she came out as gay on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Though People magazine covered Ellen’s marriage to Portia de Rossi, it was not until the early 2000s that Ellen returned to television and earned national adoration with her quirky dance moves and comical antics in a daytime talk show. And while we’ve seen more gay characters, even TV networks and YouTube channels aimed at queer audiences, few top stars have emerged from their ranks to break into the mainstream gossip press. Gay women continue to be regarded with suspicion. Stars like Michelle Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, and Cara Delevingne have all been scrutinized for their choice
