of the room obstructing my vision. Being in a real movie theatre made me feel important. Afterward we went to the airport snack bar next door for chips, or was it french fries? Whatever they were, I couldn’t get enough of them. This was exciting! It was much bigger than Saunders’ Restaurant in Happy Valley. Later, we went driving around town and ended up on Lover’s Lane. That’s what I’d heard it called by several people in town. I didn’t want to end up on Lover’s Lane. I wanted to go home. I was almost raped that night. Again. What was wrong with me? I escaped and walked all the way home to the Crawfords’.
As I lay on my bed with tears running onto my pillow I thought of home. Did they miss me? Did my dad miss my help getting the water and wood? Did he miss having me to go birdin’ with him, or go jigging for codfish out in the run? I missed the lifestyle, the sea. I missed being able to take Dad’s punt for a row, or go with him for a ride to Earl Island or Muddy Bay. Once while jigging for cod off Earl Island I accidently hooked the jigger into my thigh. Because it went in past the barb, Dad had to cut it free with his pocket knife. I still have that scar today. I’d learned to operate the little boat pretty good by the time I’d left home.
Every year Mom would find another baby somewhere. I guess it was just easier to say they were found then have to explain the cycle of life. By this time though, I’d learned that they were born and not found somewhere; under a rock or in the land wash or in the bush. Wee sister Dora was the first of our family to be born in Cartwright. I was sad when she was stricken with tuberculosis and had to be sent away to St. Anthony Hospital in Newfoundland. She was gone for nine months. We’d lost another brother; wee Tony died a few years later. He was the fourth baby my mother had lost through illness. However, she raised ten of us to adulthood and primarily on her own after Dad died suddenly in 1967.
I loved all of my siblings and I missed them terribly. Through no choice of my own I’d always had to work or babysit for several people and go to school, therefore I’d had little time to get to know them very well. Would I ever get to know them? Baby brother Phillip was so cute. Mom loved him very much and spoiled him to no end. Baby sister Linda was adorable also.
Suddenly my body was flushed with guilt. I’d abandoned my family forever! There were no phones in Cartwright yet. I couldn’t even talk to them. So, there I was, sad and lonely and wondering if anyone would love me — really love me and not just want to have sex with me! Why did all the boys want to have sex? I didn’t understand. I was able to say no to Jack and escaped yet another possible rape. I felt terribly alone.
A few days later I heard there was going to be a party, and I was invited to go. I can’t recall who invited me, or how I ended up there. Why would they invite me? It was held at a big fancy house down on Hamilton River Road. I entered the room and almost ran back out when I saw all the people. Then I spotted Keith. He was sitting, cracking jokes, and laughing with his buddies. I don’t know if he noticed me or not. The party went as well as parties go, but I was feeling shy and inferior. I tried to melt into the walls. Everyone started playing a game called Post Office. It’s where you spin the bottle and whoever it’s pointing to when it stops gets to take a member of the opposite sex into a room for a few minutes. Several people were in that room for longer than a few minutes. I wondered what they were doing in there. It was my turn. Round and round went the bottle, and eventually it stopped. It was pointing straight at Keith. I thought I was going to faint right then and there!
As we entered the room we looked awkwardly at each other. He embraced me gently and kissed me on the mouth ever so lightly. His lips were silky soft. I trembled as a second kiss became more passionate.
“Will you meet me at the restaurant tomorrow night?” he whispered in my ear.
“Yes,” I crooned, rather breathless.
I walked back into the party in awe. My whole body was trembling. I thought I was going to faint! What was it about him that excited me so?
I went through the motions of cleaning the house the next day, feeding the children, making the beds, and all the other chores that needed to be done in the run of a day. I thought of the upcoming evening. What would I wear? My pathetic wardrobe offered few sexy garments. Some of the clothes I had brought with me were from the rag-bag my mother had brought from the Mission as payment for her sewing. I’m gonna go shopping when I get paid, that’s for sure, I thought as I polished off the living room furniture. In the meantime I’d have to dig out my pink blouse and black slacks again.
Keith picked me up in the tiniest car I’d ever seen. Not that I’d seen much of any type of car up to that point. It was a yellow Prince. As we sped down the road with a cloud of sand dust billowing up behind us, I felt happy. We were simply driving around town, not saying much.
Suddenly the car filled with smoke. Something was on fire! We had to escape quickly for fear of it exploding. Keith wasn’t sure what was wrong, so we hadn’t any choice but to walk back to the restaurant and endure the wisecracks, giggles, and smirks from his buddies.
“Pretty hot stuff there, eh Keith?” someone snickered.
“Yeah, if she’s that hot maybe I ought to try her myself,” one of the other guys piped up.
“Boy oh boy, you got a hot chick this time, eh buddy?”
I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I felt like crawling into a hole, but I knew nothing had happened, so I endured the teasing. We walked into Saunders’ and ordered a plate of chips with gravy, then we walked to the theatre to see a movie. I wanted to melt into my seat because those brainless guys had made me feel cheap. Maybe I was cheap, maybe I did have a reputation of being easy, and maybe I did deserve the gossip. All that really mattered was that I was with Keith; I was in love. Afterward he walked me home holding my hand, which practically disappeared in his large one. We tucked our trembling bodies tightly against the clapboard siding and I placed my hand on his face as we kissed passionately.
“Would you like to come inside?” I asked him.
“Oh no, that wouldn’t be right,” he replied.
“The Crawfords won’t mind,” I crooned, as our temperatures rose to dangerous levels. “They don’t mind what I do. I’m not their child. I’m free to do what I want after work.”
Mrs. Crawford was so happy with my work that we never discussed house rules, and even if we had, I really didn’t care at that point. I wanted to feel loved. I needed it. I craved it. And I was going to get it!
We tiptoed into the house and into my bedroom, which, thankfully, was the first room, just across the kitchen, and eased ourselves onto the bed. I would like to say that I was a good girl, that he would be the first and that I was a virgin, but the opposite was true. I certainly didn’t know that Keith was inexperienced at that point, but sensed something very special about him. I just wanted him so. I had driven him to the point of no return and we awkwardly, but tenderly made love that night.
Chapter 4
Falling in Love
I fell in love with Keith Penny from the very first time I met him. I have heard many times since those tender years that love at first sight sometimes does indeed happen.
At the risk of being teased by his buddies, we met almost every night at Saunders’ Restaurant. I didn’t know at the time that Keith had dated several of the local girls, most of whom were tall and beautiful. Once I found out I kept thinking, why he would want to have anything to do with such a little person as me? We continued to date every night through August and September. We became a couple and I didn’t care what any of the other so-called pals were saying or what any of the girls were talking about. I was very much
