Glory like the goddess she believed she was, pouring and serving and fetching, and God knows what else. He didn’t clean though.
Pan gave me a hard look as though he blamed me for the tantrum. I never could figure out how old he was, maybe thirty, or sixty? Splitting the difference, I thought of him as mid-forties. His black hair was brushed back from his face and secured in place with gel. His agate-hard eyes looked like they had seen it all, which was possible working for Glory. But unless he was a martial arts expert, I believed I could take him in a down-and-dirty.
We stood well out of range of Glory’s fingernails while she thrashed around and, when she finally slowed down and showed signs of fatigue, we helped her to a sitting position on the floor.
“It’s simple, Glory. Dougal wants to propagate his plant, and he’s paying me to arrange it, and I need the money. You have the only other Titan Arum in the same stage of development that we know about, so we have to use it. Nobody else needs to know about the marijuana.”
There was no point in being discreet around Pan, since he probably tended the crop. A goddess doesn’t carry watering cans or snip off dried leaves. And rolling her own joints? Forget it.
With one red eye peering through the curtain of hair and her full lips thinned almost to extinction, Glory finally agreed. But only if Dougal met with her face to face, on her turf. And, yes, she knew but didn’t care that he had agoraphobia. That was his problem. He should just get over it. Take it or leave it.
I took it. Now I had to convince Dougal that he could go out into that wide, never-ending world and not die from the experience.
I coaxed, “Look, Dougal, we’ll do it like this. Your car is in the garage, right? So we’ll get into it there, and you can lie on the back seat with your face covered. When we reach Glory’s, you keep your eyes closed while I lead you into the house. That way, you’ll never even see you’re outside.”
His fingers beat a desperate tempo on his chest. “Only one thing wrong with that. I sold my car, and my new Land Cruiser won’t be delivered till the end of the month.”
“So, we’ll walk. It’s less than two blocks. You keep your eyes closed, and we’ll be there in five minutes. You can stand that, can’t you?”
“No, I can’t. I’ve barely been out in the backyard. I can’t walk all that way by tomorrow night.”
The money was slipping through my fingers. “What if you smoke, you know … before we set out?” I was already a blackmailer, so moonlighting as a drug pusher seemed an attainable career goal.
“I’d have to smoke steady from now right through until tomorrow night to get mellow enough for that. Then I’d be too stoned to talk, let alone think. And you need your wits about you to negotiate with that succubus.”
“There’s only one thing left. We’ll go over on my motorcycle. Wait, let me finish.” But he whimpered and wandered away in the direction of his solarium. I followed and found him draped over his concrete pot. I swear he was talking to Thor.
I looked inside and said, “Hey, Glory’s spathe is starting to turn pink on the inside, too.”
In the few hours I had been gone, Thor appeared to have shot up several inches.
Dougal straightened. “It is? Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Her spadix might be a little taller, but not much.” I was tossing off those horticultural terms like nobody’s business.
He licked his lips. I knew he tasted the victory of pollinating such a rare plant, a victory that was just out of reach because of a chemical imbalance in his brain.
“How long would it take to get there on your motorcycle?”
“Start to finish? About sixty seconds. And I have a spare helmet.”
“Okay, then, I’ll try.” He reached out toward the unfurling spathe, but stopped short of touching it. “For my Thor, I’ll try.”
I had to bite the inside of my lip. “I’m sure Thor is grateful. Your country would be grateful if it knew of your courage.”
“Shut up and go home.”
“Just one more thing. I almost forgot.”
He looked at me, his eyes narrowed. “What?”
“Glory wants you to bring Simon with you. For some reason, she seems to miss that bird.”
“Simon! Are you sure? What’s she up to? African greys only bond with one person, and that’s me.” He went over to the cage and peered in at the sleeping parrot.
Simon opened one dark eye and said in Dougal’s voice, “Gimme some weed.”
“Are you letting that bird smoke marijuana? Because I think that’s even more illegal than smoking it yourself.”
“Of course not. He’s a parrot. He used to just repeat what he heard, but now that he’s older, he can make up his own sentences, using words he’s learned.”
“Right. Anyway, Glory wants to see him, so he’s coming with us.”
“How will we get him there? He can’t ride on my shoulder. He’ll be traumatized, or else he’ll fall off and be killed.”
“We’ll stuff him in the saddlebag.”
Both Dougal and Simon squawked so loudly at that idea, I had to think of another way. “I know. You can put him inside your jacket. How scared can he get in less than a minute?” He might poop himself silly, but that was Dougal’s problem.
“If I fall off, he’ll be squashed.”
“If that happens, a squashed parrot will be the least of your troubles.”
“Seeing Glory again will probably finish him off anyway,” Dougal grumbled, but I pretended not to hear.
I checked Dougal’s fridge one more time for leftovers and acquired a lamb stew meant for his next day’s lunch and a carton of milk past expiry date. Stashing these treasures next to the lasagna, I zipped on my black leather jacket and buckled my helmet.
As I came alongside the cemetery on my way home, I noticed three police cars with their lights whirling and several figures milling around in the shadows. I slowed for a better look. Whatever was happening would be all over town by morning, and when I stopped at Tim Hortons before my house showing, I would hear the news. I hoped no gravestones had been desecrated by vandals.
I cruised slowly through Lockport’s downtown core, and noticed the dead skunk was still lying in the middle of the road in front of the police station.
It was getting smellier and more bloated each time I passed. I smiled at the probability that complaints had been forwarded to the Town Offices from Public Works. Since the Weasel was also the mayor, any such complaints would wind up on his desk. For a moment, I fantasized about scooping up the skunk myself and depositing it on the Weasel’s front step. But no, that was beneath me, if barely.
The Secret Valley Trailer Park occupied a natural dip in the landscape with the Niagara Escarpment looming on the horizon. Mostly
