is likely to be repeated often.
As I have noted, the associative nature of ideas and neural functioning means that there will be overlap between themes. And so we find that having an attractive partner might satisfy a personal desire (attraction to beauty), but it might also contribute to social kudos, associating with themes such as the need for social acceptance and the consumer drive. And as we saw in our discussion of maleness and femaleness, these pleasure themes generally tend to have a higher value in a male’s SDP than a female’s, although they feature in both.131 Let us look more closely at these drive themes.
We begin with the eroticism drive theme. This theme is about the desire for and enjoyment of erotic experience for its own sake — that is, enjoying the feelings of sexual stimulation and arousal.132 Eroticism can involve the use of sexually stimulating ideas or images in art, literature and drama, or objects designed to stimulate sexual arousal, as much as it might involve another person to create a state of sexual interest or excitement. It is about seeking the orgiastic state of sexual experience rather than any wider benefits of a sexual relationship, and so tends to focus on a person’s sexual attributes and behaviours, rather than their attributes as a person.133 Difference rather than similarity is likely to stimulate the erotic experience,134 especially for men, and so we would expect this drive theme to associate with the drive to curiosity and discovery; although for women there tends to be a greater integration of sexual and relational drives, so that a link with the need for intimacy and to belong may remain. Freud argued that this theme (referred to generically as the ‘sex drive’) underpins much human behaviour, including during early developmental stages, albeit in a subconscious way.
This drive theme can find reward in reading or viewing erotic material in the absence of any relationship at all.135 Nevertheless, such activity can prime a person for sexual encounters with another person. The idea of sexual arousal and pleasure is itself arousing and pleasurable, and so any stimulus evoking such thoughts or imaginations, whether it be words, pictures, behaviours, or clothing, can stir this drive; but physical stimulation is also a common source of sexual arousal through masturbatory activity, erotic massage, or the use of sexual objects designed to stimulate sexual arousal. Because of the powerful and inherently rewarding nature of erotic pleasure, this drive theme is closely related to the sexual conditioning drive of the BDP, with ideas, behaviours, or objects capable of becoming conditioned to sexual arousal. There is thus a potential to create a compulsion to access erotic material such as pornography, or erotic experience, at the expense of a relationship. There are of course individual differences in what ideas or images might be considered ‘erotic’: its key element is the capacity to excite sexual arousal. For some people, even certain levels of pain, of powerlessness (or powerfulness — see the power motive), or of social prohibition, can contribute to the experience of eroticism because of their contribution to autonomic nervous system arousal.
A drive theme associated with the eroticism theme is the desire for recreation, which includes freedom of expression and freedom from responsibility. That is, it is the desire to ‘let go’ and abandon oneself to the moment. ‘Letting go’ is a normal part of the sexual experience, as a degree of emotional and physical disinhibition is necessary for interpersonal closeness. This is also paralleled at the neural level, as we have seen. This drive theme may be experienced as an escape from stress and life pressures in general (but also from dealing with life issues), a form of relaxation, of recreation and of tension release.136 Like the compulsion of eroticism, it is a more prominent drive theme in men than women. It associates with having a good time and with general enjoyment, and as such represents an intrinsically rewarding aspect of the event. Such intrinsic reward can act to ward off sadness, boredom, loneliness (and even depression, provided there is sufficient libido), and other negative feelings, by providing pleasure, comfort, companionship, and so on, in the sexual encounter. But it can also do so in a negative sense, as a way of coping through escape from discomfort, stress, and unhappiness, as much as it might in the positive sense of accessing nurturance, enjoyment and emotional support through the embrace of relationship building.
This drive theme represents an important reward component of the drive profile. However, if it is not adequately balanced by other drive themes, it has the potential of promoting one’s own happiness and pleasure at the expense of the needs of the other person, or of the relationship itself. Given that to love someone implies focus on the other person’s needs and a degree of responsibility, tension may result when this drive theme and the need to love coexist. Nevertheless, mutual abandonment provides necessary reward and enhances connectivity in a sexual relationship.
To the extent that a relationship associates with responsibility and loss of freedom, it might incline some people towards sexual expression outside such responsibilities. It may even find expression in a form of mutual exploitation where two people stay in a relationship for as long as it serves the purpose of their recreation: should this no longer be the case, they leave. (By exploitation, I mean each person is used as a means to an end, and may indeed feel ‘used’ in this way. In this regard, it also associates with the consumer drive.) This drive theme may be ascendant for those that struggle with self-discipline,137 it may play a role in friends-with-benefits arrangements or in promiscuity, and it associates with media images linking sexuality with freedom and pleasure. Not uncommonly, the sexual encounter can simply become an ingredient, along with alcohol and perhaps drugs, of ‘having a good time’. Despite the risk of potentially negative outcomes in the long term where this drive is poorly managed, the recreational aspect of this drive theme is clearly positive and plays an important role in a person’s SDP.
The drive to curiosity and discovery
The drive to curiosity and discovery is a drive theme not only about the other person, but also about the self (both in relation to self-discovery and the sating of curiosity), and the various and diverse activities and experiences a sexual encounter might allow.138 This drive is essentially about revealing or discovering something new — in this case, in a sexual context. It involves the thrill of uncovering something, or the promise of a new experience. Novelty is a critical aspect.139 Associated to some extent with the power motive, discovery connects with the excitement of conquest, and the overcoming of interpersonal barriers. However, once the object of passion has been uncovered or discovered, this drive can quickly dissipate. The knowledge itself is not as exciting as the process of acquiring knowledge, the discovery process itself. The acquisition of knowledge is like being granted access to something new: this is why pornography involves many images. Each new image grants a momentary anticipatory excitement, but once uncovered, it loses its novelty power, and other images are sought.
This drive not only has the erotic dimension of entering unknown and perhaps forbidden territory (creating arousal), but also the stimulation and interest of ‘otherness’. That is, it seeks relationship experiences that are explorative in both a sexual and non-sexual way. There is also the element of mystery and risk that contributes to sexual arousal.140 Perel (2006) described passion or sexual excitement as deriving from the unknown, risk, and surprise. While the eroticism drive is about the desire for sexual arousal for its own sake, this drive theme has more to do with curiosity and the discovery of something new. However, curiosity, while a positive factor in learning, can lead a person into risky sexual situations. Linked with initiative and adventure, it is a drive more likely to be associated with the masculine.
Difference is a key factor (‘differences attract’) when it comes to discovering new experiences. To the degree that it overlaps with gender trait differences (see the attraction to gender traits) this is
