"That you and I are not the wisest people in the world, but that there are people wiser than we are.""Witty and apt. If there are people wiser than we are, then there are people more right than we are, and we may be mistaken, you mean? Mais, ma bonne amie, granted that I may make a mistake, yet have I not the common, human, eternal, supreme right of freedom of conscience? I have the right not to be bigoted or superstitious if I don't wish to, and for that I shall naturally be hated by certain persons to the end of time. Et puis, comme on trouve toujours plus de moines que de raison, and as I thoroughly agree with that..."
"What, what did you say?"
"I said, on trouve toujours plus de moines que de raison, and as I thoroughly..."
"I'm sure that's not your saying. You must have taken it from somewhere." "It was Pascal said that."
"Just as I thought...it's not your own. Why don't you ever say anything like that yourself, so shortly and to the point, instead of dragging things out to such a length? That's much better than what you said just now about administrative ardour..."
"Ma foi, chere..." why? In the first place probably because I'm not a Pascal after all, et puis... secondly, we Russians never can say
anything in our own language.... We never have said anything hitherto, at any rate...."
"H'm! That's not true, perhaps. Anyway, you'd better make a note of such phrases, and remember them, you know, in case you have
to talk.... Ach, Stephan Trofimovitch. I have come to talk to you seriously, quite seriously."
"Chere, chere amie!"
"Now that all these Von Lembkes and Karmazinovs.... Oh, my goodness, how you have deteriorated!... Oh, my goodness, how you do torment me!... I should have liked these people to feel a respect for you, for they're not worth your little finger--but the way you behave!... What will they see? What shall I have to show them? Instead of nobly standing as an example, keeping up the tradition
of the past, you surround yourself with a wretched rabble, you have picked up impossible habits, you've grown feeble, you can't do without wine and cards, you read nothing but Paul de Kock, and write nothing, while all of them write; all your time's wasted in gos-sip. How can you bring yourself to be friends with a wretched creature like your inseparable Liputin?
"Why is he mine and inseparable?" Stepan Trofimovitch protested timidly.
"Where is he now?" Varvara Petrovna went on, sharply and sternly.
"He... he has an infinite respect for you, and he's gone to S----k, to receive an inheritance left him by his mother."
"He seems to do nothing but get money. And how's Shatov? Is he just the same?"
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"Irascible, mais bon."
"I can't endure your Shatov. He's spiteful and he thinks too much of himself." "How is Darya Pavlovna?"
"You mean Dasha? What made you think of her?" Varvara Petrovna looked at him inquisitively. "She's quite well. I left her with the
Drozdovs. I heard something about your son in Switzerland. Nothing good."
"Oh, c'est un histoire bien bete! Je vous attendais, ma bonne amie, pour vous raconter..."
"Enough, Stepan Trofimovitch. Leave me in peace. I'm worn out. We shall have time to talk to our heart's content, especially of what's unpleasant. You've begun to splutter when you laugh, it's a sign of senility! And what a strange way of laughing you've taken to!... Good Heavens, what a lot of bad habits you've fallen into! Karmazinov won't come and see you! And people are only too glad to make the most of anything as it is.... You've betrayed yourself completely now. Well, come, that's enough, that's enough, I'm tired. You really might have mercy upon one!"
Stepan Trofimovitch "had mercy," but he withdrew in great perturbation.
V
Our friend certainly had fallen into not a few bad habits, especially of late. He had obviously and rapidly deteriorated; and it was true that he had become slovenly. He drank more and had become more tearful and nervous; and had grown too impressionable on the artistic side. His face had acquired a strange facility for changing with extraordinary quickness, from the most solemn expression, for instance, to the most absurd, and even foolish. He could not endure solitude, and was always craving for amusement. One had always to repeat to him some gossip, some local anecdote, and every day a new one. If no one came to see him for a long time he wandered disconsolately about the rooms, walked to the window, puckering up his lips, heaved deep sighs, and almost fell to whimpering at last. He was always full of forebodings, was afraid of something unexpected and inevitable; he had become timorous; he began to pay great attention to his dreams.
He spent all that day and evening in great depression, he sent for me, was very much agitated, talked a long while, gave me a long account of things, but all rather disconnected. Varvara Petrovna had known for a long time that he concealed nothing from me. It seemed to me at last that he was worried about something particular, and was perhaps unable to form a definite idea of it himself. As a rule when we met tete-a-tete and he began making long complaints to me, a bottle was almost always brought in after a little time, and things became much more comfortable. This time there was no wine, and he was evidently struggling all the while against the desire to send for it.
"And why is she always so cross?" he complained every minute, like a child. "Tous les hommes de genie et de progres en Russie
etaient, sont, et seront toujours des gamblers et des drunkards qui boivent in outbreaks... and I'm not such a gambler after all, and I'm not such a drunkard. She reproaches me for not writing anything. Strange idea!... She asks why I lie down? She says I ought to stand, 'an example and reproach.' Mais, entre nous soit dit, what is a man to do who is destined to stand as a 'reproach,' if not to lie down? Does she understand that?"
And at last it became clear to me what was the chief particular trouble which was worrying him so persistently at this time. Many times that evening he went to the looking-glass, and stood a long while before it. At last he turned from the looking-glass to me,
and with a sort of strange despair, said: "Mon cher, je suis un broken-down man." Yes, certainly, up to that time, up to that very day there was one thing only of which he had always felt confident in spite of the "new views," and of the "change in Varvara Petrovna's ideas," that was, the conviction that still he had a fascination for her feminine heart, not simply as an exile or a celebrated man of learning, but as a handsome man. For twenty years this soothing and flattering opinion had been rooted in his mind, and perhaps of all his convictions this was the hardest to part with. Had he any presentiment that evening of the colossal ordeal which was preparing for him in the immediate future?
VI
I will now enter upon the description of that almost forgotten incident with which my story properly speaking begins.
At last at the very end of August the Drozdovs returned. Their arrival made a considerable sensation in local society, and took place shortly before their relation, our new governor's wife, made her long-expected appearance. But of all these interesting events I will speak later. For the present I will confine myself to saying that Praskovya Ivanovna brought Varvara Petrovna, who was expecting her so impatiently, a most perplexing problem: Nikolay had parted from them in July, and, meeting Count K. on the Rhine, had set
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off with him and his
