hair be a crown that stands tall. Be proud of your deep-rooted culture(s). Be proud of the power of those who came before you, as the strength of generations will propel you forward and carry you through difficulties.
Be fearless. But, as you move through the world, remember: your biggest responsibility is to remain thoughtful, to honor where you come from, and to recognize you didn’t simply appear and find your own voice. Alice Walker wrote, “How simple a thing it seems to me that to know ourselves as we are, we must know our mothers’ names.”
Kenbe (be strong),
MJ
“It was when I realized I needed to stop trying to be somebody else and be myself, I actually started to own, accept and love what I had.”
—Tracee Ellis Ross, American actress, model, comedian, director, and television host
Dear Badass Black Girl,
You think I don’t know you, but I do. I see you when your face is stretched by a smile—when you make those around you feel like they are the only people you’ve ever truly smiled at. But I’ve also seen your face when you clamp your lips as if you could trap your sadness inside. And there is a story there—beginning, middle, and end—all laid out within the curves of your mouth. I see you with more possibilities than you could ever imagine.
Unless they get in the way of the talents you do have, please don’t waste time focusing on the talents you don’t have. Don’t even seek to improve them (maybe later). Don’t obsess over your flaws. How many hours will you spend furiously perfecting scales on the piano before you realize playing music is not your forte? Not everyone is Hazel Scott or Nina Simone. You don’t have to be on the dance team if it’s not your thing. You don’t have to know the lyrics to the latest Cardi B. or Nicky Minaj song. You don’t have to be fluent in Spanish. You don’t have to make a mean bread pudding.
Stop trying to be someone else—the girl your friends, your boyfriend, your teachers, or your parents want you to be. Instead, cultivate YOUR strengths. Be YOU. Don’t expect your flaws to fall from you like dried-up flakes of skin. If you’re not meant to do something, let it go. All your life, you’ve been told that you need to get better at what you’re not good at and don’t care about. It may be true that it’s good to try new things out, and that we surprise ourselves when we learn something new, but your time is better served when you focus on what you already do well.
You have so many talents. Prioritize them. You may not know exactly what these talents are—and that’s okay.
You’ll figure it out, and this book will help you.
In the meantime, you don’t have to prove yourself to others. You can’t dance. So, what? Slow dance, low dance, and fast dance like no one’s watching. Do it because the groove hits your spine and moves you in a certain direction. You can’t sing? So what? Belt out Beyoncé, croon to Aretha Franklin (R-E-S-P-E-C-T), and swoon to Alicia Keys with all the strength your off-key voice can muster. Play your music loudly, so the bass thumps in your heart and makes your chest feel like it’s alive. Because it is.
Kenbe,
MJ
“Pledge that you will look in the mirror and find the unique beauty in you.”
—Tyra Banks, American television personality, producer, businesswoman, actress, author, model, and singer
Dear Badass Black Girl,
When you hear the word talent, the first image you see might be something artistic or creative—knowing how to play the drums, dance, paint, cook, or create super rad jewelry. What if you’re not the creative type or the next Maya Moore on the basketball court? What if you’re not like your best friend Deja, whose slender ballerina body moves with a mixture of grace and precision, her hair, dark and soft, swept back in a smooth roll? And what if you really have no idea what you’re good at, and you feel like you carry this heavy uncertainty like an extra body, a cloak, or a mask that hides you from the world?
Of course, there are online tests to help you identify your strengths, but there are three no-fail ways to find out what you’re awesome at. Don’t forget—your best allies are the people who support you and encourage you to excel at what makes you shine.
Kenbe,
MJ
“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.”
—Lorraine Hansberry, Black American playwright and writer
Dear Badass Black Girl,
Through these steps, you can identify what has worked in the past and what you have going for you right now. Based on these successes, you will be more specific about your goals. Of course, nothing is set in stone—circumstances evolve, and people change. But it’s a good place to start and gain some insight and peace about the direction you’d like to focus on.
Know also that answering these questions is not always easy, and you might come face-to-face with your own trouble spots and weaknesses. You need to resist the temptation to look at yourself too closely through the lens of other people’s strengths. Maybe your friend, Celeste, is carefree and funny. She is liberated. Unlike you—so plain, so boring. You’re anything but plain or boring. You’re just not Celeste.
Girl, stop! Be your own person.
The key is to move forward, and this three-step evaluation helps you do just that.
Kenbe,
MJ
In our community, we understand the beauty of multi-generational families, and, if you’re like me, you’re super tight with your grandparents, your aunties and uncles, and many other members of your extended families.
Many of our Black families are non-traditional in structure. For example, 70 percent of all Black children are raised in single-parent households. And this number gets us a lot of bad press.
The high number of single-parent families in the Black community is caused by many different problems. What do you think some are? How does growing up with one parent or guardian make things
