me for training. It was a bitter blow, yet 25 years later I was ordained.
Afterwards, I spent six years living out that priestly calling in the context of being a religious, before being released from vows and spending ten years as rector of a ‘back-streets’ parish on the eastern edge of London. For much of that time I also exercised a ministry of spiritual direction and taught aspects of the subject as well as offering pastoral supervision. All this experience and more forms the context from which this book is written. Through it all, I’ve come to realize that at the heart of the priesthood there must lie an intentional desire to live out of the loving heart of Christ, and to be inhabited by that creative, compassionate Word.
Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
(St Patrick)
‘The Lord’s breast is the sponge of the heart.’2
Over the years I’ve come to understand that it’s through our immersion in the Heart of Christ, who calls us to follow him, that our calling is most fully realized, and throughout the book reference is made to the ‘Heart’. I don’t mean the physical organ or the place where our emotions reside, but the central part of our being into which God’s Spirit was breathed and which, St John points out, needs to trust in God (John 14.1). Yet it can become corrupted and deceitful, so the Scriptures tell us that we need to guard the heart above all else, for from it flows everything we do: ‘Create in me a clean heart, O God; and put a new and right spirit within me’ (Ps. 51.10). In the end, Jesus recognizes the need for a ‘right’ renewed heart when he pronounced the blessedness of those who have a pure heart, for they will see God.
So it is this uncorrupted ‘heart’ we look to in seeking to explore the priestly life and, while there will always be times when another has our attention, it is to the Heart of God in Christ that we must always turn. And if you’re happily married or partnered and worry about any sense of dualism between love of God and love of partner, don’t! The two aren’t in conflict but complement each other. You can never love God too much, for in turning the eye of your heart to him and allowing love to flow out it will overspill into every other aspect of life. But if a priest allows another to usurp the place of God then they are in danger of becoming deaf to their calling, as illustrated in the story of Jesus’ call to the rich man who asked to follow him (Mark 10.17f.). Of course, problems can emerge when a partner begins to feel they’re playing second fiddle to the Church, so we’ll consider that later on.
The compassionate gaze of God
In his Letter to the Philippians St Polycarp advised that ‘Clergy … should be (people) of generous sympathies, with a wide compassion for humanity … Any show of ill-temper, partiality, or prejudice is to be … avoided.’ I often notice the real compassion priests have for those in their care, and encourage them to realize their compassion as a reflection of God’s, and invite them to consider if any particular account in the Scriptures might help them to locate their compassion in a Divine context. Is there an image of God’s love that particularly appeals? The story of Jesus’ encounter with a leper (Luke 17.11f.) reminds us that it is his compassionate gaze we need to hold on to – for we, too, need to sit in that gaze and hear what it’s saying to us. A simple prayer-exercise for this might be helpful, so one is included in Appendix 1.
Prayer is a demanding practice because it not only requires us to set aside time for that encounter, but also to face the multiple distractions that will occur. It will also uncover layers of our being which we might have ignored, buried or turned from. So not for nothing are priests expected to pray the Divine Office each day and to spend time silently gazing on God, for this is a fundamental aspect of the redemptive process. How easy it is to slide into living out of the role rather than the heart of their ever-developing relationship with Christ. The role might inform that – and, please God, mould it in creative ways – but it can also hide us from the heart of our being-in-Christ. The collar can separate us from ourselves (as well as inviting us to become ourselves), so we must seek to open ourselves to God’s compassionate gaze, a gaze we might realize when kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament or facing the suffering of a child in our congregation, meditating on the Scriptures or seeking to aid a homeless person. What matters is that we allow that contemplative, compassionate gaze and not turn from it while deepening our realization that it is God’s gaze we must nurture in our hearts.
Trinitarian life
Archbishop Welby, speaking to 50 young Anglicans from southern Africa at a conference in 2017, declared: ‘I am who I am because I am in Jesus Christ.’ His words echo those of the remarkable medieval Franciscan Tertiary, St Catherine of Genoa, who said, ‘My self is God, nor is any other self known to me except my God’.3 The life of the priest is a life lived in the trinity of self, other and God, and, like all Christians, we are to hold this balance while always acknowledging that it is God we seek and who draws us beyond ourselves. It is this mystery of community to which we are called – life, participation, in God (cf. Ps. 82.6; Eph. 1.3–14). And wherever our priesthood is exercised, be it in parish, shop, school, the military or wherever, we must not lose sight of this calling even when we lay down any specific context in which our vocation is exercised.
Jesus, may your compassionate love flow into me,
your Mother’s heart enfold me
and your suffering and death strengthen me.
For with you close at hand I have nothing to fear.
May the shelter I seek be the shadow of your cross.
Let me not run from the mercy you offer,
but hold me safe from the forces of evil.
On each of my dying’s shed your light and your love.
Keep calling to me until that day comes, when, with your saints,
I may praise you for ever and ever. Amen.
(Prayer of Companions of the Compassionate Hearts of Jesus and Mary, based on the Anima Christi)
Questions for reflection
Who is Christ for me?
How do I nurture my relationship with Christ and how might this need to be enriched that others may find him through who I am? What of Christ might they notice through me? What needs more attention?
Is there anything about myself that needs to be opened to Christ’s compassionate gaze?
Notes
1 R. Hauser, ‘Priestly Spirituality’, in P. Fink (ed.), The New Dictionary of Sacramental Worship. Liturgical Press, 1991, p. 1024. [© by Order of Saint Benedict. Liturgical Press, Collegeville, Minnesota. Used with permission.]
