made sure to get enough sleep. Then a particularly frustrating and stressful holiday season arrived. First his eating well fell by the wayside. It’s an easy temptation between Thanksgiving and Christmas. He continued to struggle all the way until Easter. By Pentecost, fifty days later, he’d created a six-month habit of poor eating. All the while, there was so much to do, so much traveling, so much work to fit in, and then the time he had set aside for workouts and for proper sleep started to vanish. Now, it’s been three years, and I’ll still hear him say: “I’m going to get back to eating right and working out. Let’s start Monday!” Then, if you haven’t guessed, Monday comes, but Sunday was a late night, and the gym is deprived of his presence again. Remember, this was one of my most in-shape, peak-physical-condition friends!
The fact is, we can’t practice virtue of any kind “on Monday.” There is no Monday, there is no “next week,” there is no “my New Year’s resolution will be …” when it comes to virtue. We only have one actual moment in which to choose the good, and that is right now. If we choose poorly now, it becomes easier to choose poorly again. But if we choose well right now, it becomes easier to choose well in the next moment, and the next moment after that, and the next moment after that. To paraphrase the Catechism, we build habit and firm disposition to do what’s good. This habitual doing good allows us not only to perform good acts, but to give the best of ourselves. Eventually, we pursue the good because we begin to love it and more easily choose it in concrete actions. That’s virtue, lived out in our souls and through our bodies. So… do it!
Chapter Four
Where Two or Three are Gathered
“Order your soul; reduce your wants; live in charity; associate in Christian community; obey the laws; trust in Providence.”
— Saint Augustine
Our need for other people is a central mystery that we can deeply relate to on a natural level. Four centuries before Christ, Aristotle recognized our need for others when he wrote, “Man is a political animal.” Loneliness — that lack of real and deep relationships — can break our hearts and sap our strength. Conversely, when we have a friend, a confidante, to rely on and share with, our joys can be magnified, our sorrows lessened, our failings nipped in the bud, and our successes repeated.
Throughout Scripture, too, we read of the power and importance of friends, of community, of fellow believers:
• “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gn 2:18).
• “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Eccl 4:12).
• “A friend loves at all times, / and a brother is born for adversity” (Prv 17:17).
• “Iron sharpens iron, / and one man sharpens another” (Prv 27:17).
• “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Mt 18:20).
As humans, we are created in the image of God, and as Saint John reveals in 1 John 4:8: “God is love.” God is, in his very nature, love; the Trinity is an eternal communion of persons. This, according to the Catechism, is “the central mystery of Christian faith and life” (234).
In our spiritual lives, we may (or may not!) recognize the importance of church, of praying with others, of seeking spiritual directors, or of having accountability partners to help us live a life of virtue and avoid sin. Each of these bring us deeper into the two great commandments: love of God and love of neighbor. What better way to love God than in and through our neighbor? And truly, if you are set on avoiding sin and growing in virtue, having a like-minded friend with whom you can share mutual accountability can transform the strength of your resolve.
When it comes to exercise and fitness, we similarly set ourselves up for success when we share a human connection in the practice of it. Camaraderie and friendly competition can transform fitness from something on a must-do list into something we look forward to each day.
I have a handful of friends I really look forward to working out with, and they pull me out of slumps when I’m (as I mentioned in the previous chapter) busy or sick or tired, and they do that in different ways. When I’m slacking on the discipline of duration, my friend Jeff is always up for a distance run or a long workout. When I’m not eating right, my brothers Josiah and Eli remind me to keep track of my nutrition and change up my habits. When I want to try something different, my friend Joe always has a new plan he’s just read about that we can do together. When I know I really need to ramp up my workouts and have my butt kicked, my buddy Hunter is ready (and willing) to do the kicking.
And when either my wife or I feel too busy, we have an “I’ll go if you’ll go” protocol, so we don’t miss out on time together but still take care of ourselves (and each other). The truth is, there are a ton of different ways that training partners can help each other, in both physical and spiritual fitness. There are also some practical needs and benefits.
Accountability: Sometimes you really just need someone to be accountable to, someone who will be there and that you will be letting down if you don’t show up (or if you don’t give it your all when you do show up).
This is true when it comes to practicing any kind of virtue, be it purity or push-ups (apologies for the cheesy alliteration). Most mothers won’t not feed their children because they know their children are counting on them. If your training partner is counting on you, chances are much better that you’ll show up and work hard.
Two caveats: First, if you’re the kind of person who has even a slight habit of no-showing, regularly being more than five minutes late, or trying to cancel things (not just workouts, anything) last minute, then you need to start taking more personal responsibility and put more emphasis on the importance of keeping your word. An accountability partner won’t be able to help you, simply because you don’t really feel accountable to anyone, even to yourself.
Second, don’t pick an accountability partner who will even think about having this conversation with you: “Man, I’m tired out, totally not motivated to do our workout.” “I hear you! You know what? Maybe we just skip it today.” That’s not accountability, that’s a millstone around your neck. So be a person of accountability, and find a person who will be the same.
Encouragement: Think back to a difficult moment in your life, one where you felt alone, or like you couldn’t do it, or just couldn’t make it through. Imagine how different it would have felt to have someone right there with you, someone who had been through the same thing, saying: “You can do this. I know you can do this. You’ve got it, you’re almost done. You’re doing so awesome, you got this!”
It may sound silly to compare a difficult workout with a difficult time in your life, but there’s more than a superficial correlation. If you work out regularly, and you work out well, I promise you will encounter challenges that you look at and say, “There’s no way I can do that.” And then, with encouragement, you’ll do it.
This principle absolutely translates over to the rest of your life. When you can look at small things you find impossible, small tasks that still seems insurmountable, and then surmount them, you’re encouraged and lifted up to tackle the harder things, the bigger moments of life with more faith and more grace.
Spotting: If you are lifting heavy weights, or trying an exercise for the first time, a friend can be a “spotter.” A spotter is someone there to watch your
