during pregnancy?
• Do you routinely use IVs or pharmaceuticals in a normal labor?
• Do you perform episiotomies?
• What is your policy on artificial induction of labor?
• What are your recommendations for a healthy pregnancy?
• Will you respect my beliefs and refusal of artificial contraception?
• Do you perform, prescribe, or refer for abortions?
Here are a few things to ask yourself or reflect upon after meeting with a provider:
• How did I feel during the appointment? Rushed? At peace? Cared for? Important?
• Did the provider look me in the eye?
• Is it important to me that my provider is a male or female?
• How much time did I have with him or her?
• Did answers to my questions satisfy me?
• Did I feel comfortable expressing my opinion or asking questions? Did the provider ask me my opinion?
• How did her or she talk about the baby? Was my baby referred to at all? Would I feel comfortable with this person holding my baby?
• Does this provider make me second-guess myself or my ability to give birth?
• If this was a first visit, did the provider just assume his or her role, and respect that I hadn’t decided on a provider yet?
• If he was there, did the provider respect my husband and include him in the discussion and appointment?
Pope Pius XII actually addressed the topic, and his words are equally applicable to any kind of birth provider: “Undoubtedly nature’s voice speaks in [the mother] and places in her heart the desire, joy, courage, love and will to care for the child; but to overcome the suggestions of fearfulness in all its forms, that voice must be strengthened and take on, so to say, a supernatural accent. It is your duty to cause the young mother to enjoy, less by your words than by your whole manner of acting, the greatness, beauty and nobility of that life which begins, is formed and lives in her womb, that child which she bears in her arms and suckles at her breast; to make shine in her eyes and heart the great gift of God’s love for her and her child.”65
What a beautiful thought! Does the provider you are considering have this deferential and reverent attitude toward your motherhood? Does this person recognize the sacred privilege of being with you during this physical, emotional, spiritual journey into mothering this new child?
Once you have selected a provider, remember that you are not beholden to him or her to continue care. If that provider is not right for you, don’t let the fear of offending or going through the process of finding a new provider scare you. It’s better to be a bit uncomfortable now than to live with the regret of knowing you ignored warning signs that then played out in your birth. Find peace in knowing that there is the right provider out there for you and that finding him or her is invaluable. If you are having trouble finding a provider or making peace with the options available, consider praying to Saint Brigid, patroness of midwives; Saint Raymond Nonnatus, patron of midwives; or Saint Gianna Molla, patroness of physicians, to help you find the right person. Pray with your husband and include his input in your decision.
Whatever your decision on a provider, know that, no matter what, you are the mother God gave to this particular child. You are the one entrusted with making the decisions for your baby, and God will give you the grace needed to do so in your particular circumstances.
With my first pregnancy, I saw a family practitioner who also attended births. I didn’t have a very good experience with her, and I felt she wasn’t very knowledgeable, so I knew for the next I wanted an OB-GYN. Between my first and second pregnancies, I experienced five years of infertility. I saw two different gynecologists, trying to get answers and help, both of whom offered me the pill. Around this time I was talking with a woman at my parish whose daughter saw a Catholic OB-GYN who specialized in NFP, infertility, and did not give out birth control. I was intrigued. I found out that his office was about forty minutes from my house, but the drive was worth it. I showed him my fertility charts, and he gave me some excellent advice. Why hadn’t anyone else offered this advice instead of simply pushing the pill?! It turns out, miraculously, I was actually already pregnant on my first visit with him (naturally after five years!), even though it was too early to tell at the visit. I was so glad that God had led me to him even though I was already pregnant. He even prayed during my birth along with a recording of the Rosary I had playing. He and his partner were absolutely amazing, kind, and smart throughout both that pregnancy and my following pregnancy.
— Amanda D., mom to four
Should I Choose a Catholic Provider?
Some women don’t have the option of choosing a faithful Catholic midwife or obstetrician, but in some areas there are practices or individual providers who practice from a Catholic mindset. They don’t prescribe artificial birth control or perform sterilizations, don’t participate in immoral or unethical fertility practices, and will never refer for or be complicit in an abortion. Often they are versed in or at least respect natural family planning methods and will not pressure patients into limiting their family size. These providers are a great asset to the Church and the community.
However, simply because a provider identifies as Catholic is not enough for a woman to choose that person for prenatal and birth care. The provider should still practice evidence-based care when it comes to birth and respect the rights of the woman to make informed choices for her birth. Part of living the Catholic faith is acknowledging the dignity of the mother and her rights over her body and her God-given authority over her baby.
A Catholic provider, especially, should never coerce or manipulate a woman into birth choices based on his or her ease and schedule. He or she should always ask before intervening in any way and respect the natural design of God for labor and birth. He or she should always speak respectfully to patients and recognize the mystery and beauty of the act of birth, and reverence and respect the mother in her God-given role.
There is no requirement by the Church to choose a Catholic provider, and every woman needs to choose the provider who gives her and her baby the best, most dignified, evidence-based care for her unique situation.
When I finally understood the sacredness of this vocation and knew without a doubt the inherent dignity of motherhood, I was able to find the confidence to seek out providers that upheld my dignity and my baby’s. They weren’t always Catholic or in a hospital setting, but they were out there.
— Angie W., mom to four
Choosing Where to Birth
“Be strong and of good courage; be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”— Joshua 1:9
Another important decision you will need to make about your birth is where you will have your baby. This will be limited to what is available in your area and, of course, is closely connected to your choice of provider. You may love your provider and want to birth at home but find that your provider only attend births at a hospital. Or you may really want to be at the hospital, but
