pulled himself up on tiptoes to reach the colorful party garlands that he was trying to hang from the light fixture above the big kitchen table, all the way to the lamp behind the living room couch. He could have done with a second pair of hands, as the string kept slipping from his fingers and the paper fairies were forever sinking down to the height of his belly button. If someone were to look in from the outside, they would have observed tiny glittering fairies dancing on the table.
‘This is ridiculous!’ he muttered as he finally tied the last knot.
He eyed his work sceptically, but for now – with the emphasis being on ‘now’ – whimsical pink and purple paper fairies were artfully dancing above his head, just as they were supposed to do.
He let his eyes wander over the lovingly set birthday table. The muffins with their shiny frosting were piled up on two large platters, one on each end of the table; each place setting with its own colorful plastic cup and drinking straw; each paper napkin patterned with bright, fun polka dots; and a fairy name tag decorated with rhinestones for each little guest. Fairies were all the rage at Alyssa’s preschool right now. Heart-shaped balloons were bobbing under the ceiling and gently swaying in the breeze.
‘Not bad, not bad at all,’ Tim praised himself and wiped a few stray crumbs off the table.
Those crumbs, plus a muffin-shaped gap in one of the piles, were quite the evidence that some light-fingered Louie had already been at work. Tim shook his head in disapproval, although nobody could see him. Then he reached for his denim jacket hanging from the coat rack next to the front door, and called up the wide, spiralling staircase: ‘Mia, sweetie! Are you coming? We’re leaving.’
‘I’m in the yard,’ came the reply from the opposite direction, and Tim raised his eyebrows in surprise. It would appear that today’s spring-like temperatures had managed to lure even zombies from their crypts. Either that, or Alyssa’s birthday gift had made an impression on even her too-cool-for-words big sister.
Tim smiled to himself. The gift had been Lauren’s idea. He probably never would have thought of such a wonderful present himself.
He grabbed his keys from the apothecary chest in the hallway, which held hats, scarves, and assorted knick-knacks such as shoelaces and bicycle gloves, and strode through the living room in the direction of the back yard.
When he reached the patio doors, he stopped. Instantly he could feel the pleasant warmth of the springtime sun on his face, and for a brief moment he closed his eyes to allow that feeling of ease and comfort to run through his body. Spring, at last! Breathing in the powerful scent of the flowers, he tried to focus all of his senses on this one moment. The rays of sun that unleashed a red-hot celebration of colors behind his closed lids; the gentle breeze that still carried within it the cold of the fading winter; and Alyssa’s cheerful laughter, which was interrupted by an occasional squeal whenever she needed to gasp for air.
What a perfect moment this was. He found it hard to breathe and swallowed hard to get rid of the sudden lump in his throat. This could have been a perfect moment, if only . . .
He opened his eyes again and tried to wrestle down the rising unease and reminded himself to enjoy the beauty of this moment and, as best as he could, celebrate Alyssa’s birthday.
He made his way over to the small blonde curly-headed child, who was rolling on the lawn, giggling. The grass was getting a little high already, and he would need to get the mower from the shed at some point, Tim thought. But for today it would do fine.
‘Daddy, look!’ Alyssa called out full of joy, rolling over on the lawn, then patting the ground next to her with the flat of her hand and beaming when the new puppy threw itself on its back next to her. ‘He’s trying to copy me!’ she shouted and kept on rolling. ‘Isn’t he the greatest? I’ve only had him for a few hours, and already he has already learned so much!’
Tenderly, Tim rubbed the panting dog behind its floppy ears, and it started licking his hand.
‘That’s probably because you’re an excellent teacher, Alyssa,’ he praised his daughter and lifted her up in his arms. He kissed the tip of her nose and, as always when he did that, her freckled face filled him with happiness. She was his sunshine. Kissed by the sunshine and gifted with freckles.
‘Don’t be silly! There’s probably a flea on his back that is making him roll over,’ Mia sneered from her perch up on the garden wall, without looking up from her dark-blue varnished fingernails.
Tim sat Alyssa back down and walked over to his thirteen-year-old daughter. He let his eyes wander over his firstborn’s lanky shape, which seemed even frailer in her tatty black skinny jeans, biker boots, and black-dyed hair. He remembered only too well that only a few months ago she, too, had been a blonde-haired angel. But they didn’t need to fight about that right now. He briefly wondered if he should comment on the sweater she had chosen to wear today, but then decided against it. Her statement was loud and clear. Tenderly he reached for her hands and looked her square in the eye. She gave a shy smile, and he understood what she was trying to say – even if she held was keeping her dark-purple painted lips pressed tightly together.
‘Ready?’ he asked, and Mia nodded.
Alyssa jumped up and put Rowdy, the puppy, on his brand-new – and what else – pink leash.
‘Ready!’ she called out and dashed out of the yard.
‘Mom’s going to be so happy when she sees Rowdy!’ Tim swallowed hard but forced himself to a smile when Mia reached for his hand.
‘Come on, Dad. Let’s go,’ she said encouragingly, and he put his arm around her narrow shoulders.
He wanted to look ahead, but there was this image at the forefront of his mind. A fragment of a memory so vivid it was as if it had happened only yesterday. It was his memory of one summer night a long time ago. When he closed his eyes he could still hear every single word and taste every single tear from that night . . .
Eight Months Before, on A Summer Night
The bonfire in front of the house was blazing high into the night sky. It was late, yet still too early to end the evening. This was an evening that no one wanted to end . . . The children had pulled the last of the marshmallows from their sticks, and their mouths were glistening with gooey sugar. Happy and with a full belly, four-year-old Alyssa was snuggled into her mother’s arms, her tired eyes closed. Her blonde curls framed a tender face, and Lauren felt as if she had never before witnessed anything so peaceful. Even thirteen-year-old Mia was tired. Lauren knew only too well that she had not been able to catch much sleep these past few nights. And she wasn’t the only one. When Lauren glanced around, she looked into many tired faces. Familiar faces – beloved faces. Her family and best friends had gathered here tonight to be happy and together one last time. To celebrate life and the gift of time that they had been given. But they had also gathered to say goodbye. A goodbye that none of them wanted – but one that was, after all, of her own choosing. A goodbye that felt right and reassuring but that was painful nonetheless.
‘You have no idea how much it means to me to be spending this night here at the lake house with all of you. It’s my favorite place in the entire world – the place I have chosen, and it makes me happy to have all of you around me one last time. You are the lifeblood of this house – my lifeblood.’
Lauren couldn’t help but smirk at her choice of words. Ordinarily, she wasn’t one for waxing poetic, but in this moment even the simplest of facts seemed to somehow exit her mouth wrapped in only weighty phrases.
