Thomas, Lukas … and maybe Allan,” I added as he missed his shot from the free-throw line to a lot of jeering. “But after that, they’re all kind of the same.”
“Yeah. Mohammed’s pretty good, too. He’s on my street and we play together in the summer sometimes.”
It was my turn again, so I dribbled the ball and took another shot. It bounced off the rim and back to me. I shot again. This time, it went in.
Mr. Letner wandered over with his clipboard. “Okay, girls. Show me what you can do.” Jillian took a shot that arced into the air and through the net like she’d buttered it. Mr. Letner whistled in appreciation. “Let’s play some one on one. Who’s up first?” My hand went up and I looked over at Jillian, who had also raised her hand, and grinned. “You two,” Mr. Letner said. Jillian rolled her ball to the wall and I took my spot at the top of the key. Jillian crouched down, her ponytail swinging over one shoulder. I slapped the ball and dribbled it a few times, turning my body to guard it. Jillian moved in, swiped for it, but I dodged her, driving up the left, and took a shot. It went in and I bit back a smile. My runners squeaked as I ran back to the top of the key. Jillian had the ball, but this time she drove right. I had my hands up, jumping to block her. My arm caught my hijab, which was loose after all the running and jumping. It fell over my eye and I was distracted. Jillian saw her moment and moved past me easily. She took her shot as I stopped to fix my scarf.
Mr. Letner blew his whistle. “Okay, Sadia?”
“Yes,” I groaned, frustrated. It was like having to stop to tie a shoelace.
“Next two girls, you’re up.”
My hair kept leaking out of the bonnet cap underneath my head scarf. I had to move to the side to fix it. The first time I’d worn a hijab, it had taken me five minutes to get it on my head properly. Now, I could fix it without looking in a mirror in a less than a minute. But not in the middle of the gym!
Mom and Dad had agreed I’d start wearing hijab when I turned thirteen. The first day of grade eight, Mariam and I had walked into school with the head covering and people had given us funny looks. They didn’t know hijab had always been in our future, so I guess they were surprised. I was glad that Mariam had started wearing her hijab at the same time. It made it easier having her beside me. I was proud of the hijab and of what it meant; that I was choosing to be modest. A lot of people thought that I covered myself to avoid a man’s gaze, but it was more than that. It was a way to express my spiritual connection to God, and it was how I had been raised.
But still, walking into my middle school wearing hijab that first day had been nerve-racking. I’d left grade seven as a tomboy, playing soccer at lunch with the boys, but I came back covered up and feeling older, more mature. None of the kids asked any questions, but I saw them looking at Mariam and me as if they weren’t sure we were the same people. I didn’t play soccer at lunch that day, worried that I’d mess up my hijab and not be able to put it back on properly. Instead, Mariam and I had stayed in the cafeteria. But when I’d seen the boys come in, sweaty and red-faced after lunch, Josh bragging that he’d scored two goals, my insides had twisted. Just because I wore hijab didn’t change who I was on the inside. The next day, I left Mariam at our cafeteria table with Carmina. I went outside and hung around the goalposts, waiting for the boys to notice me. When the ball was kicked out of bounds, I got to it first. “Are you playing?” Josh asked, running up beside me.
“Whose team am I on?”
“We get Sadia!” he shouted out. I lifted the ball over my head, tossed it to Josh, and ran into the game. After that, it was like nothing had changed.
My hijab didn’t bother me so much when I was playing sports outside. The rules were loose and everyone else had on their school clothes. But it was a hindrance now, when I was trying out for a team and everyone else was in their gym clothes. Sudden movements and running could make it slip out of place.
I gave a frustrated groan as I felt the scarf slide farther back and had to stop to fix it, again. “Do you have to wear that?” Jillian asked, coming up beside me.
“Yeah,” I said. “I can’t take it off, especially here.” Did she understand what I meant by here? In public, with a lot of people around, especially males who weren’t my family?
“It must be such a pain.” I was about to argue that it wasn’t, but who was I kidding? I couldn’t take a jump shot without the bottom of the scarf flying in my face. It wasn’t like it was my first time playing wearing hijab, but I needed to do more than just play to make the team. I needed to bring it.
“And aren’t you hot?” She stuck out her tongue like a dog panting. “I’m sweating and I’m wearing shorts and a tank top.” I looked down at my black sweatpants and shirt that covered my arms, all the way to my wrists.
“Yeah,” I admitted. Hot and irritated.
Mr. Letner blew his whistle. “Scrimmage time!” Everyone put their balls into the wire bin by the equipment room and met in the middle of the gym. Mr. Letner numbered us off: “One, two, one, two.” Allan kept dodging his turn to be counted until he was sure to get a number one, which was Josh’s team. I was number one, too, but Jillian was on the other team and so were a lot of the really good players. It looked like the teams were lopsided, but Josh didn’t care. He called a quick team huddle, assuming the role of team captain.
“Sadia, you’re small forward. Allan, point guard. I’ll play power forward.” He pointed to the other kids, assigning them positions. I looked at Jillian’s team, where she was doing the same thing. We all put our hands into the middle of the circle and shouted, “Three, two, one, Thunder!” at the same time. Half the kids went to sit on the bench, waiting to be rotated in, and the other five of us took our spots on court.
Jillian was centre and towered over Abby, the girl Josh had picked for the position. Abby was long limbed, but didn’t move quickly. Jillian got past her and threw the ball upcourt. Josh intercepted it and the play switched toward our zone. “Josh!” I called for the ball, holding my hands up. Mohammed got in my face, but I dodged and caught the pass from Josh, drove to the net, and scored. Josh came running at me for a high-five. The scrimmage kept going like that for the next twenty minutes. Every two minutes, we subbed in new players, but my heart was racing each time I took a break on the bench. Beads of sweat popped out on my forehead, and I wished I could have played in shorts like the other kids, or even just a short-sleeved shirt!
Josh and I ran on again for the last shift. We’d just scored and the point guard on Jillian’s team, Thomas, slapped the ball to put it in bounds. We all ran upcourt, ready to defend their press. Thomas was trying to toss the ball to Jillian, but we’d boxed her in and she couldn’t dart away. As the ball flew through the air, I jumped up and tipped it out of her hands. I didn’t see Abby’s elbow — my hijab blocked vision on my right side. The bone came down hard on my nose, and I felt a warm spurt of blood on my upper lip.
Mr. Letner blew his whistle and the game stopped. I cupped my hand over my nose and mouth. “Whoa! Whoa! Sadia, you okay?”
I nodded, but kept my head down. A few drops of dark red blood dotted the gym floor. “I’ll get an ice pack,” Jillian said and raced to the gym office. Josh took my arm and led me to the bench. Mr. Letner handed me a wad of tissues.
“At least we’ll get a free throw,” Josh said, trying to find the silver lining.
My nose throbbed. I knew that if my hijab hadn’t been in my way, I would have been able to see Abby’s elbow coming down and could have ducked.
