V.I.P. Also Stands for Vile Inconsiderate (or Icky) Person
With the yard sale over, the rest of the weekend was dedicated to homework, which was fine with me because I had an assignment to finish, an assignment on Josh Taylor (I know … big surprise!). In my defence, I had to write about a topic I felt deeply connected to. So, you can see I really didn’t have much choice. Josh Taylor was perfect subject material!
My project is due today, and it’s an oral presentation, so I’ll be speaking in front of the class. A lot of people get totally freaked out by public speaking, but not me. I like being in front of a crowd. It makes me feel kind of important, like I’m a teacher or an actor or something. I’m actually a little excited about today, especially since I’ll be “teaching” everyone about Josh Taylor!
Yesterday I spent hours doing research, verifying facts, and checking out all the latest Josh Taylor gossip on celebritydish.com. This is where I found out that Josh was seen only last week having lunch with some mystery woman at the Manhattan Grill and Oyster Bar in New York City, and then later that same day, he was seen again at a New York hospital with the same woman when she was taken by ambulance to the emergency department. Cool, huh?
Once my research was done, I went on you-can-do-anything.com to get some pointers on how to give an exciting and effective presentation.
This is what I found out:
1 Know Your Material and Practise: No problem! My material, I know inside and out, backwards and forwards, and practice; who needs practice when you so know your material? Just the same, I ran over everything with Rachel on the phone last night.
2 Overcome Nervousness: Totally not a problem, but if I was nervous, I would just picture all the guys in my class wearing hot-pink bras. (Try it sometime; it really works!)
3 Engage Your Audience: I’m planning to start off with a joke. If I get them laughing, I’ll have them in the palm of my hand!
4 Stay Focused: How hard can it be to stay focused on Josh Taylor? Piece of cake!
So, the morning begins with a presentation on Formula 1 Grand Prix Racing. Surprisingly, it’s way more interesting than I expected. The next presentation is on Dance Dance Revolution, and as it turns out, is way less interesting than I expected.
“Okay Hannah, you’re next,” Mrs. Walker says, looking at her watch.
I look out at the rows of the bored faces and smile.
“Good morning everyone!” I say, a little louder than I’d planned. “I’m so happy to be here today.” Out of the corner of my eye I can see Scarlett
passing a note to Billy Butler. He reads it and nods, letting out a snort of laughter. I know it’s best to ignore them; hopefully it has nothing to do with me. But just the same, Billy Butler, at least in my mind, is now wearing a lovely, hot-pink, polka-dot bra with matching underwear.
“So, a doctor, a lawyer, two hillbillies, and a priest walk into a bar. The doctor says —”
“Hannah, is this a joke?” Mrs. Walker interrupts me. She really has a scowl on. She obviously has no sense of humour at all! I mean, who doesn’t like a joke?
“It’s part of my presentation,” I reply honestly. “I’m trying to engage my audience.”
“Hannah, just stick to the facts.”
“But —”
“Hannah, please get on with it.”
“But, I need to engage —”
“Hannah! The facts only, please!”
“Okay,” I reluctantly agree. “So, as I was saying, I’m super excited to be here today to talk to you about someone I truly admire, someone with massive talent, someone with enormous determination, and someone who is, like, super, majorly hot …” I glance over at Mrs. Walker and see she’s pursing her lips. “I mean … um … very good-looking.”
“Go on, Hannah,” Mrs. Walker prods, motioning with her hand.
“So, let me start by asking how many of you know who Josh Taylor is?”
All the girls’ hands immediately shoot into the air.
“Great, so now let me tell you a few things you might not know about him!” I hit the keyboard to start my PowerPoint presentation. “Josh Taylor started working at the tender age of six on a commercial for Sun Shine Orange Juice. He was the little boy who showed up at school with an orange-juice moustache. Remember that commercial?” I pause, giving everyone a second to think.
Mrs. Walker taps her wrist and glares at me.
“So, the world fell in love with that little Sun Shine Orange Juice boy; they knew he was something special. A star was born, and a career was launched.”
“Where was it launched, outer space?” Billy Butler says, laughing as he tosses a paper airplane, which ends up stabbing me square in the chest.
“Ow!” I wince in pain.
I hear a few kids chuckling. Billy gives Scarlett a secret nod. She winks and does that annoying, flirty giggle she always does around the guys. Suddenly, Billy pops up from his chair, both hands fly to his chest and he grimaces in fake agony … an obvious attempt to imitate me.
“That’s enough, Billy! To the office, now!” Mrs. Walker points toward the door.
I glance around the classroom; now everyone is laughing (and not in a good “engaged” kind of way). Mrs. Walker checks her watch again.
Okay, I remind myself, number four, you-can-do-anything.com — stay focused.
“That’s enough, class! Hannah, please continue,” Mrs. Walker says, wresting back control of the class.
“Okay … so,” I stammer, as the laughter starts to die down, “it was that sweet little boy with the orange-juice moustache who became the awesome musical talent we all know and love today, the one and only … Josh Taylor.”
“Okay, Hannah, that was wonderful,” Mrs. Walker says, yawning as she gets up from her seat. “So, Sam, I think you are next.”
“But wait,” I cry, “I wasn’t done yet; I barely got started!”
“Hannah, these are supposed to be short presentations, no more than five minutes.”
“But I —”
“Hannah, we have fifteen other students to hear from today, so I’m afraid there is no more time.”
“But I have so much more … I mean, how will you mark me when I haven’t even finished!”
“Don’t worry, you did fine.”
“Fine!”
