Battles, we must consider the fact that the conflict may draw on much longer, and become more costly, than anticipated. This factor must be a major consideration. Are we willing to endure a long, drawn out, mentally and physically draining campaign? If we look back in history, many times we’ve found ourselves as a country, involved in campaigns that have continued on much longer and become more costly than anticipated. Is the objective worth the sacrifice?
We must look at the conflict and how to appropriately deal with it. Consider all scenarios... What is your exit strategy? Do you have one? At what point would you consider cutting your losses and remove yourself from the conflict?
3) Know Who You’re Dealing With!
In the martial sense, this would more appropriately be termed, Know Your Enemy. Since these guidelines are meant to cover a broad spectrum of conflicts or battles which may come our way, we will use, Know Who You’re Dealing With. In any interaction with people, there is a certain possibility of conflict. As discussed before, everyone has a certain amount of internal conflict. Therefore, when interacting with others, opinions and viewpoints will often differ, bringing conflict to the surface.
In order to plan out a strategy to avoid conflict, we must know as much as possible about the person or persons we have interactions with. This may be an adversary in business, a neighbor, a co-worker, a spouse, or anyone whom we have some type of relationship with.
First of all, knowing a great deal about the people we interact with, gives us a better understanding of them. We start to see and understand their values and priorities, which guide or drive their behavior. Understanding what things are important and fulfilling to them, allows us to create a more harmonious and balanced relationship with them.
Here are several important characteristics to remember that will help better understand people and why they do what they do.
• The number-one fear all people have is rejection.
• ALL people need to feel accepted by those around them.
• Everyone approaches situations with some concern about what’s in it for them.
• When negotiating or dealing with someone, you must do it in a way that protects or enhances their self-esteem.
• People will hear and adopt only concepts that they understand, and can relate to.
• People believe and trust those who like them, and share things in common with them.
Take a look at these guidelines, and see if they don’t give you a better understanding of how and why people act.
Knowing these characteristics of the way humans function, and implementing them into your strategy when interacting with others, will change the way you see and deal with other people. This allows us to better avoid conflict and if conflict occurs, allows for better communication and negotiation. Everyone desires to feel important in some way, and wants to feel as though they’re being understood. If you make it a constant practice to observe the people around you, and better understand what makes them unique, you will be much more successful in having balanced relationships with them.
4) It’s Not Always What You Say, but More Importantly, How You Say It!
Quite often, the delivery of the message is more important than its content. When we are involved in discussions with people, our intent is usually to get the other party to see our viewpoint.
They may feel defensive, or intimidated by our perspective. We may experience feelings of frustration, anger, or impatience, which can cause us to lose sight of our objective. If we do this, our delivery of the message can create a breakdown in the lines of communication. This in turn, makes our objective much more difficult, if not impossible. Remember, that our objective is to win the battle without a fight.
If the delivery of the message is done without the presence of ego, and is done in a manner that allows the other party to see that both sides share common values and interests, communication and resolve of the conflict will take place much quicker. This allows for the feeling of connection with people. Most people will be much more inclined to listen to someone, who they feel understands their interests and concerns.
Sometimes, we allow our emotions to negatively effect our presentation or delivery. If we are feeling emotions of anger or frustration, we may come off as gruff and unconcerned for anyone else’s feelings or viewpoints. This usually will result in a much more difficult resolution of the conflict. That’s not to say that sometimes our emotions cannot propel us and gives us the ability to deliver a commanding, inspirational message. Sometimes anger and the show of force can be a powerful tool when it comes to an adversary that only understands that mentality.
As you can see, this guideline is directly related to Know Who You’re Dealing With. When you better understand the person you’re dealing with, the delivery of you’re message can be incredibly more effective! When it comes to our emotions, we must choose which emotions are proper for the situation, and use them in a balanced manner. There’s that concept of balance, again! Yet it’s NOT the easiest thing to do, is it?
5) Take What You Do Seriously...Don’t Take Yourself Seriously!
Having an over abundance of ego and self-righteousness can, and usually does end up in the destruction of ourselves, and greatly impairs our relationships with others. Have you ever known someone who was extremely passionate and skilled in what they did, while maintaining a humble attitude about themselves? Their dedication and enthusiasm for what they do is an inspiration to those around them. Their humility creates a feeling of approachability and comfort, which draws people to them.
As people are drawn towards this person, they may pass along compliments and share their admiration. They may comment on this person’s incredible level of skill, or their vast knowledge in a given area, in turn putting this person on a pedestal. This is great feedback for the individual, for it gives them the ability to see they’re making progress and that they are delivering a quality service.
It is a wonderful thing to be able to feel we are giving good direction to others who share our interest. This is an important process in the development of this leader. Unfortunately, the drawback to this can be that even those who start out as the most humble can start to take these compliments, and themselves, way too seriously. It is easy to forget where we came from; we may forget that we are no better than them, just perhaps further along on the journey than they may be.
If we allow others to feed our ego to the point we take ourselves too seriously, we forget about being compassionate towards others. We lose touch with doing the best we can do, so others can’t benefit from our presence. Many great people have fallen because they allow themselves to believe they’re larger than life. Take what you do very seriously...but always be careful to NOT take yourself too seriously.
That’s why it is so very important to always remain a student. We must strive for continual growth and evolution in what we do, and in who we are.
A very important part of this growth has to come from having a good teacher. As we become more successful in life, we must always remember where we came from. If we, as teachers, forget what it was like when we were white belts, then we cannot relate to the student, and what they need. We must remember the humbling experiences we had when starting this journey.
The importance of having a teacher cannot be overlooked! A good teacher provides guidance to keep us on track. They have traveled this path before us, and can therefore guide us through the pitfalls that lay before us. If our ego needs to be put in check, they provide lessons on humility, when the need arises.
We
