who’ve had knee replacements, hip replacements, back pain, arthritis, you name it—these are the students that train the hardest. My teenage students, on the other hand, sometimes display the least effort in their training. I have to remind them over and over how lucky they are. Not only do they have two arms and two legs, but they have their health. I have to tell them there are people out there whose only wish is to be able to participate in the activities that they take for granted. Think about how badly you would want to just go for a walk if you were paralyzed. The desire to walk in that situation would be overwhelming. Think about that the next time you feel like skipping a workout.
Speaking of teenagers, some of you reading this may be well beyond your teenage years. You might even have children who are in their teens! When you see young people in their prime working out, it can be intimidating. You might think that compared to these fit people, you’re at a disadvantage. But you have to remember life is a balance. Everything adds up to a whole. The age of my students range from 3 to 60 plus. Compared to a 5-year-old, the 40-year-old student won’t be nearly as flexible. But compared to the 40-year-old, the 5-year-old’s focus and concentration will only be a fraction of that of the older student. Everything is a balance. What you might lack in physical strength will be compensated for in mental strength.
I’ve seen students in their twenties and in great shape who have never had to deal with any adversities, like a major injury. So when they get injured, they don’t know how to cope. Often they lose their discipline and gain a ton of weight. They might be strong physically, but weak mentally. However, many of my students in their forties and fifties have had knee surgeries or hip surgeries, so they can’t train as intensely as a 20-year-old student. But their determination is so strong. Their bodies might be weak from injuries, but as a consequence their minds become so much stronger. If they’re nursing an injury, instead of training harder, they’ll train smarter.
I also see a lot of my younger students give up very easily. For them, things come easily—especially fitness—so when they hit a roadblock, they want to quit. With my older students, they have a lot more life experience, so they’re more patient and have more perseverance. Never think you’re at a disadvantage just because you start late. The majority of my adult students start in their forties and for a lot of them, it’s their first time exercising seriously. Everything adds up to a whole.
You also have to remember that getting into shape is not a competition. Well, let me clarify. The only competition you’re in is the one with yourself. This is something I tell my students all the time, especially the ones who start Taekwondo later in life. They come in and sometimes see younger beginners who are more flexible than they are. They see these younger students being able to touch their toes in a stretch, or kick higher than them, or punch stronger. They see this and become discouraged. But I tell them that some people, especially the younger ones, are just naturally more flexible. After a year, maybe the younger student’s stretch will improve only by a little. But my older students, when they first joined, maybe they couldn’t even touch their toes without bending their knees. But after a year, they can reach beyond their toes. So even though the younger student might still be more flexible, the older student has made a greater improvement in their stretching.
If one of your friends loses 20 pounds in 20 days, that’s great for your friend, but don’t let that be your motivation to lose weight. I’m sure this is something you must’ve heard from your parents or teachers growing up: “If one of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” (What will you do if a friend gained 20 pounds? Are you going to try to match that?)
The temptation is always there to compare ourselves with others; but the problem with this is that too often, we only look at the best parts of someone else’s life, whether it’s the amount of money they have or how beautiful or in shape they are. We read magazines and compare our appearance to that of a model or celebrity. What if that famous person spent years feeling depressed about how he or she looked, and had plastic surgery? Or that model secretly starved herself because she’s unhappy with her body? We don’t compare ourselves with that aspect of their lives.
Life isn’t a contest or a competition, and getting in shape certainly isn’t. If right now you can only reach your knees in a stretch, let that be your starting point, and make it a competition with yourself to reach farther the next month and the month after that. Or if your goal is to eat less, start by eating 100 calories less per day, instead of something drastic like 1,000 calories. Next month, eat 200 calories less per day. Don’t worry about the person next to you progressing faster than you.
Now let’s imagine that you’re the friend that everyone is jealous of because you lost 20 pounds. You’ll feel pretty good about yourself, and you should. It’s hard work losing any amount of weight. But don’t feel too good, don’t feel like you’re better than everyone else. You should never think you’re the best. If you’re climbing a mountain and you get to the peak, where’s the only place left for you to go? Down. We’ve seen it happen to the greatest of champions. They get to the top, become complacent, and lose it all. Even after training in Taekwondo for over 40 years, I still don’t think of myself as the best. Whether it’s being a practitioner of Taekwondo or an instructor, I think of myself not at the peak of the mountain but somewhere near the top. That way, when I look up, I still have a goal to reach for. I never take for granted the skills I’ve acquired over the years but at the same time, I’m not satisfied either. I’m still hungry to improve. So I still keep practicing and thinking of innovative ways to teach my students.
And when I look down, I see how much progress I’ve made. When I think I’ve hit a plateau, I look down and realize that perseverance and an indomitable spirit got me to this stage—and they’ll help me get farther up the mountain.
Like most people, I’m not naturally flexible. As a matter of fact, I have to stretch out regularly in order to maintain my flexibility. But that’s precisely why I can help you become more flexible than ever before.
Yes, maybe someone who is triple jointed might be able to teach you some exercises to become more flexible, just like someone that was born into a lot of money might be able to teach you how to get rich. But I’d much rather learn how to make money from the person that started with nothing, and stretching from the individual that had to work to become flexible.
I believe there are a handful of top athletes who achieved their status through hard training, and some of them can also teach their craft well. But at the same time, I feel that most of them were gifted individuals who got to where they are through the right guidance.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. There are trainers and there are athletes—the athletes look super and the trainers look so-so. While the athletes worked hard to look and perform at their best, the trainers are the experts in helping the athletes reach their goals.
In martial arts, one of the main points that’s always stressed is proper respect, especially respect toward your teacher. Too often, we just look at the final product, and don’t pay enough attention to all the dedicated, underlying work. Like after watching a great movie, the audience might comment on how great the acting, the story, or the action was, and then just head out, never waiting to view the credits of the supporting team that made the movie so great.
Imagine that you have to cross a river and there is a bridge to get you to the other side; I want you to think of your teacher/trainer as the bridge that you need to use to get from one point to another, from being out of shape to being in shape. Just because a trainer doesn’t have less than five percent body fat and isn’t chiseled like someone on the cover of a fitness magazine doesn’t mean that this person hasn’t got the knowledge and experience to get you into tip-top shape.
In martial arts, it is very common for the instructor to yell at the students in order to command authority or to discipline students (especially younger ones). This rule is also pretty common practice in many households where
