May the image in your own mirror be your friend.
WEEK 1: THE BIG PICTURE
There was a time when I was between jobs and I would wake up at night and write down my connections. I would write about my friend Suzanne, my shelter; Margie, my fun and escape; Greg, my heart; Donna, the artist of my soul. I would remember Ohio and how I loved its fields.
Reminding myself that I was connected helped me fall back to sleep. The awareness of connection makes life stable and provides continuity in our changing lives.
Today we will begin the process of developing an awareness of a connection to our spiritual force and spiritual selves. In order to do that, we must see our lives in a context of all that exists. Connection makes the tiny dot on the map of ourselves expand to a feeling that we are more than ourselves; we are souls with one another and with the forces that made these people and this place. When we connect, we join in union, an alliance or relationship, and become part of something larger than ourselves. This is the “eagle eye” that Native Americans tell us about. Writing will help us develop this big picture. By putting thoughts and feelings on paper, we can begin to sort things out and find our soul’s calling.
Perhaps we remember, as a child, being aware that there was something more around the corner from our house. That’s when we learned to see beyond ourselves, when we became aware that beneath the concrete there was land and mother earth. We came to the realization that truth isn’t always evident and that it can be difficult to stay connected to what isn’t so easily seen. You may remember trying to tell your mom that the autumn light at dusk has fairies in it.
As we get older, we often lose this sense of connection, but we don’t need to wait to reestablish it. Connections can live in us whether we are in a primary intimate relationship or single, whether times are easy or hard. Look around and notice where connections are possible, right now, with the people in your life and spiritually. You may feel emotionally connected to the heart of another, such as when a friend tells you they understand and won’t leave you alone with a loss. Or your mind may lead the way to a heartfelt connection. I once worked with a client who told me that kindness made her want to live. For her, kindness was connection.
Writing gives us an opportunity to explore all the ways of connection. It gives us a chance to notice the mysterious ways of God—how connection to people, art, nature, and animals can make us feel more open to our spirit. By writing about our connections, we honor them. We ask our wise selves to become alive in us.
We may hold loneliness within us, but through our writing we can learn to open the window to our own spirit and call out our name. We can find a sympathy for ourselves. We can write to make sure to include our spirit in our lives.
Sometimes you may write and nothing comes. If this happens, it might help to think of yourself as a stream meandering to the ocean, sometimes speeding over rocks in its way, other times slowed by the turn of the land or the shallowness of winter’s rain. Be patient. Grace will come.
It’s an unsteady and uneven trip. This is why we start this journal with the awareness of connection.
Day 1: Wondering
My mother was raised in a fundamentalist church where they spoke in tongues. Her gift to her children was that she didn’t want the fear of God instilled in us like it had been in her. Yet she wanted us exposed to religion. My father believed in science. Occasionally, we went to a church my parents chose because it was considered intellectual rather than emotional. I enjoyed the church sanctuary, with its windows showing trees wearing their seasons, the white walls, the simple wooden cross, the vase of fresh lilies, but I put religion and God in a category for other people, not for me. The minister told stories that were too harsh. I remember thinking God was like the children on the playground who were punishing and mean.
“When so rich a harvest is before us, why do we not gather it? All is in our hands if we use it.”
—Elizabeth Ann Seton
Although I didn’t connect to a church, the experience initiated in me a sense of wonder. I wanted to feel more a part of things, or part of something that would help with the sense of separation I felt with my family. Going to church helped me become aware that connection to a god force was possible. It gave me the kernel of an idea that made me wonder how it could work for me. The deep sighing of my father in the middle of every sermon let me know that this gospel wasn’t written in stone. My father had lost patience with the harshness of the gospel. This sigh encouraged me to examine what was said.
Being exposed to church teachings and my father’s sighs gave me permission to wonder. It had never occurred to me that you could leave a question unanswered and that that could be all right. I was used to dealing with the linear ideal of a beginning, a middle, and an end. This openness to wonder pleased me greatly.
“God enters by a private door into every individual.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today we’ll begin to explore what makes us wonder, what brings us to the idea of possibility, of spirit.
Streaming
When writing about the inner world, about spirit, I find it useful to use a technique that I call streaming. Here’s how it works: You just start writing across the page. Keep going. Write your name if you don’t know what else to write. Continue without much thinking. Don’t stop. Make doodles to fill in the lines if you have nothing to say. Pay no attention to the inner critic questioning where this is leading. This is a time to just wonder. This is a time to be curious and explore. After several minutes of being “present” with your writing, you’ll find you’re in change of consciousness. In this more dreamlike state, you’ve really let go and are just writing. Keep going. After you’ve written for ten minutes, go back and underline insights and anything you’d like to continue at another time. In the exercises that follow, we’ll try out this technique. You may choose between these exercises or try all three.
“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”
—Joan Didion
Exercises
1. Use streaming to explore the experiences that held the seed of wondering for you. Write about how you felt as you opened to that sense of wonder and what this search could help heal for you.
2. Use streaming to explore what you may be wondering about today. Could spirit touch you? How would this make changes in your life? Write about the good, the difficult, the unknown.
3. To whom do you feel connected? Write down their names. To what do you feel connected? Write that down, too. Where don’t you feel connected? Use the technique of streaming to wonder why these connections are felt or not felt.
Day 2: Hope Holds the Opportunity
Remember the old-fashioned tradition of putting together a hope chest for marriage? Why shouldn’t we use that custom and put together a hope chest of things that help develop our awareness of connection to spirit and others: a journal, a candle, bath scents, a walking hat, a book of inspirational poetry, a book of art that lifts your spirit. Whatever helps you remember you are not alone. Whatever gives you hope.
Sometimes
