You Have Me to Love. Jaap Robben
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DAVID DOHERTY studied English and literary linguistics in Glasgow before moving to Amsterdam, where he has been working as a translator since 1996. His translations include novels by critically acclaimed Dutch-language authors: The Dutch Maiden by Marente de Moor (long-listed for the Warwick Translation Prize 2017), Monte Carlo by Peter Terrin, and The Dyslexic Hearts Club by Hanneke Hendrix. He has also translated the work of leading Dutch sports writers Hugo Borst and Wilfried de Jong. David was recently commended by the jury of the Vondel Translation Prize for his translations of The Dutch Maiden and You Have Me to Love.
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AUTHOR
‘One day a woman in an old-people’s home lay her hand on my knee and said, “do you know you have really beautiful legs?” I said, “no, but thank you very much.” Then she asked, “do you have a girlfriend?” When I answered yes, she quickly took her hand away. That incident made me think: what if that old woman was your mother, who mistook you for your father, and began to fall in love with you? Under what circumstances could you maybe go along with that?’
TRANSLATOR
‘Translating this novel was a huge responsibility, as I began to weigh my own words against Robben’s tender and poetic account of a disturbing family tragedy told through the eyes of the only child. Above all else, I knew that every word I put into this young boy's mouth had to ring true. So when the Irish Times review spoke of an extraordinary narrator who is to be believed, I couldn't have been happier. Mikael had made it into English with his voice intact.’
PUBLISHER
‘This novel is one of my personal favorites. Jaap Robben has an incredibly fine eye for detail and images. The story he tells is discomforting and moving at the same time. This beautifully crafted debut novel made me absolutely fall in love with Robben, even before seeing his legs.’
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JAAP ROBBEN
You Have Me to Love
Translated from the Dutch
by David Doherty
WORLD EDITIONS
New York, London, Amsterdam
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Published in the USA in 2018 by World Editions LLC, New York
Published in the UK in 2016 by World Editions LTD, London
World Editions
New York/London/Amsterdam
Copyright © Jaap Robben, 2014
English translation copyright © David Doherty, 2016
Cover image © Teun Hocks
Author’s portrait © Charlie De Keersmaecker
This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data is available.
ISBN Trade paperback 978-1-64286-001-6
ISBN E-book 978-1-64286-021-4
First published as Birk in the Netherlands in 2014 by De Geus BV.
This project has been funded with support from the European Commission. This publication reflects the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained herein.
This book was published with the support of the Dutch Foundation for Literature
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Facebook: WorldEditionsInternationalPublishing
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For Patrick
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Many thanks to Ad, Sander, Thijs, Marieke, the World Editions and the De Geus family. To Passa Porta for providing me with a pleasant and quiet place to work at the right moment. To Henk for hoppakee, the word that hung above my computer and kept me going. To my loving parents, Sylvia and Gerard, for unfailing support and pots of soup. To David, for his loving translation. And thanks to my own sweet Suus, without whom this book would never have seen the light of day.
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I
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1
My tongue felt like it was crawling with ants. My feet were heavy. I was standing at the back door in my swimming trunks, towel around my neck. Mum had come into the kitchen, but she hadn’t looked at me yet. ‘There you are,’ she said without raising her head as she lifted the lid off the pot. She ladled my bowl full of soup, then hers.
She dipped a finger into my soup and stirred. ‘Just right. Tuck in.’ I sat down on my chair and stared at the steam rising sluggishly from my bowl. ‘Don’t leave too much for Dad. If he’d wanted a decent helping, he should’ve been back on time.’ Spooning soup into her mouth, she returned to her sewing machine in the living room. ‘Just finishing this off. Won’t be long.’
My hands lay motionless on the table. Inside they were shaking. I could hear the scraping of gulls sharpening their beaks on the gutter above the window. I knew I should be eating my soup, but it was all I could do to take hold of the spoon.
I took a gulp of water from my glass. It felt like I was choking. I gagged and a little of what I sicked up disappeared into my soup. I wiped away what had landed next to the bowl with a furtive sweep of my hand. Mum hadn’t noticed. She was leaning forward in her chair, staring intently at the rattling needle of her sewing machine, only letting up to see if she was still going in a straight line.
After a few minutes, Mum came back into the kitchen