the airplane dropped and rose back up, causing my stomach to curl.
“That’s just a bit of turbulence,” Margaret said, in her usual soft voice.
Although I had no idea what she meant, I no longer felt safe. The airplane bounced and tipped to the side and felt like someone was shaking it. I looked out of the window but all I could see were thick, dark clouds.
My breathing quickened and my heart raced. Margaret placed her arm around my shoulders and drew me close.
“Take a deep breath,” she said. “Slowly, let the air out through your nose.” She held my hand until we touched ground.
We joined a line of people and waited our turn to be directed to a man in a booth, who examined the little books that Margaret handed to him. After a brief conversation, she showed him some papers and he stamped our books and waved us through.
Margaret recovered our suitcases from a moving black rubber belt, then we walked to a place where people stood searching for exiting passengers. Some called out names, while others hugged. As voices echoed around us, I could not understand what they were saying. I had never seen so many people in one place, not even in the Monn Nèg market. We followed a man in a blue cap who pushed our suitcases on a cart, and all I could think of was how quickly my life had changed.
“There they are,” Margaret said, pointing to John who was waving to us and holding a young girl by the hand. She looked older than I was and she was holding the biggest doll I had ever seen.
Margaret smiled and hugged her tight. “Iris, this is Cynthia; Cynthia, this is Iris.”
Cynthia looked like John and Margaret and like most of the people in the airport, even though her hair was the bright orange color of the sun when it is about to go behind the mountains. There were brownish spots on her nose, and her smile made her eyes sparkle.
“How old are you?” she asked me in French.
“Five,” I answered.
She studied me briefly, then handed me the doll with hair that looked like corn bread and eyes that were the indigo color that women in Monn Nèg used to rinse white clothes. I took the doll and smiled at it smiling back at me. I had seen dolls in the store in town where I had gone with my mother a few times, but none as big or as beautiful as the one Cynthia gave me. I held it in my arms, recalling that my cousins and I used to make clothes out of rags to dress up mango seeds that we pretended were babies.
Breathing the fresh scent in the car, I shivered feeling a chill similar to what I had felt in the hotel room in Port-au-Prince and inside the airplane. I wrapped my arms around my body and looked out the window at the cars speeding by in the opposite direction.
“How can people cross the street with cars driving by so fast?” I asked in the Creole-flavored French that my mother had taught me so that I could achieve her dream of succeeding in life. The little French she knew she had learned in school and later working as a maid for a rich family.
“This is a highway,” Margaret commented, and explained that people did not walk across highways.
After what seemed like a very long ride, John pulled into the garage of a redbrick house with brown-trimmed Tudor windows. I admired the slender drooping branches of a tree and the cut grass that was so unlike the wild weeds behind our mud-plastered house in Monn Nèg.
“This is your new home. We live in Westchester, New York,” he said.
Holding my hand, Margaret showed me around the house. Going from room to room, I wondered why there was so much space for only three people. In the kitchen, I inhaled an aroma that reminded me of the tea my great-grandmother used to make with cinnamon sticks and brown sugar.
At this point, I don’t remember every detail of the house when I first saw it, but later this is the way I came to know it. Built on a slope, the main entrance opened onto a foyer that divided the lower and upper levels. The spacious kitchen had a center island and a breakfast nook that led to an outside deck. Adjacent to the kitchen was a large formal dining room, living room, and a guest bathroom. The master bedroom suite was upstairs along with two other rooms: one was Margaret’s study, the other was John’s. A family room, three bedrooms, and two full baths were on the lower level.
A world of magic opened to me. Everything seemed so vast, open, and clean. There were no clothes hanging from lines outside, no pots and pans and calabash bowls stashed inside wicker baskets. I had to get used to a kitchen with appliances and food that I never knew existed. The days I spent in the Port-au-Prince hotel hardly prepared me for this new life.
About a month later, when the novelty of it all wore off, I began to think about my family in Monn Nèg and missed the aroma of smoke from my great-grandmother’s pipe. I missed the warmth of my mother’s dark, watery eyes, the sounds of my cousins’ laughter, and the taste of mangos that had fallen from the trees. This left me with a yearning for a familiar world. Sobs often rocked me to sleep when there were no tears left. One night, holding my doll, my sobs became so violent that I woke up Cynthia, who ran out of our room to get John and Margaret.
“What’s the matter?” Margaret asked, as she turned on the light.
“I want my mother!”
Margaret sat me on her lap and said with fondness in her voice, “I’m also your mom. John is your dad, and Cynthia is your sister.”
As he took Cynthia out of the room, John whispered to Margaret, “I think you’d better stay with her until she falls asleep.” Feeling secure with the doll close to my chest, I fell asleep as my new mom sang a lullaby.
* * *
The next evening when John came home, he smiled and with excitement in his eyes, said, “I have a surprise for you.” I rushed toward him to accept the framed photograph that he handed me. Seeing my mother brought a gradual smile to my face. There she was, stiffly sitting on a wooden stool, eyes fixed on the camera. Large, black, timid, scared eyes. Head tied with a scarf, her limp arms hung at her sides. John placed the picture on the nightstand next to my bed. After that, whenever I was alone I would tell her about the important and unimportant things that happened to me.
Eventually I got used to life without my Haitian mother. Within a few months, I had adjusted to eating new foods and speaking French and English. I even learned to accept the way people stared when I was out with my new family. The only thing I couldn’t get used to was the anguish my hair caused. I hated the daily morning ritual of Margaret combing out my matted hair. All she could manage to do was tie it with a ponytail holder that made it look like a pig’s tail. Usually I ended up in tears, wishing I had Cynthia’s soft hair flowing down my back.
What I disliked most was the way people found an excuse to touch my hair like a woman did one Sunday when Mom, Dad, Cynthia, and I went to brunch. While we waited for a table in the restaurant’s lobby, my sister and I went to the restroom, and when we returned we found Mom and Dad engaged in a conversation with an older couple.
“This is my daughter Cynthia, and my younger daughter Iris,” Mom said, wrapping an arm around each of us.
The man raised his eyebrows. His wife stared at me, then at Mom and Dad and Cynthia, before moving closer to me. With a frown on her face, she said, “I always wondered what these people’s hair felt like,” and without the slightest hesitation, she patted my head.
Flushed with irritation, I took a step back. “Stop
