growing on an imperial roof. But little does it know that one day it will be hacked down and uprooted.
Old Chen suggested we visit the Art Gallery to see Rent Collection Courtyard. The Ministry of Public Security had got us some invitation tickets. During the war, we had spent six or seven years in the countryside in Sichuan. Now that they were again talking of sending us to Sichuan, it was interesting for us to see Rent Collection Courtyard. I don’t like clay sculpture, but it re-awakened my wish to re-study old issues and materials. The tenant farmers’ life of cruel exploitation reappeared before our eyes, together with the sight of girls and boys labelled for sale on market day. We had never seen the illegal punishments meted out by the landlords or the dungeons filled waist-high with water.
In the afternoon, we went to see The East Is Red. Old Chen told F to write down his feelings about it. He wrote, ‘Ancestral country, I heard your heartbeat – thoughts after my visit.’ He added that to study even better and strengthen his thought reform even further, he hoped to be allowed to stay in Beijing, under whatever mode of life.
Director Wu came to see us, accompanied by Comrade Huang. He said, ‘The leadership has concluded that it would be best for you to go to Sichuan. Originally the idea was to send you to Yunnan, but then it was judged unsafe, because of the Vietnam War. But Chengdu is a lovely place, and a house has been arranged for you there. They’re even preparing a toilet. You can do your writing. But the main thing is to strengthen your thought reform. You can look up old friends, as long as you tell the organisation.’
F said, ‘The people I’d like to see would not necessarily want to see me; and I don’t want to see those who would like to see me.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m afraid of implicating them.’
‘You worry too much. Isn’t Nie Gannu your old friend? You can see him.’
After that, he took me aside. I was looking for a chance to explain why I didn’t want to leave Beijing. The main thing was my hat. I even said let him go, and I’ll join him when the hat has been removed.
‘This is a directive from the organisation, you must obey it. We can send on the materials. They can remove your hat there. You must help us talk Hu Feng round. You can write to me directly if anything happens.’
‘I’m already over 50. It would be better not to work at all than make mistakes and get criticised.’
They had separate talks with the children. We were left with no room for doubt: ‘Don’t be irresolute, forget your misgivings. Go to Sichuan. It’s been decided, the Central Committee has agreed – what’s more, they hope you can go a bit earlier.’ Looking out of the window, ‘This isn’t safe, we’re doing this for your sake.’
The children, including our new son-in-law, all urged us to go. The son-in-law even said that he and our daughter would also go, that Director Wu would help them get jobs and they could look after us. Younger son would finish school here and elder son would go back to Xi’an. I was in a fluster, unable to make a decision. The children wanted me to get a job, but F suspected that I wanted to go to Sichuan so I could become a cadre, that I didn’t want to help him stay in Beijing. He didn’t realise it was a Central Committee decision.
I suggested that F see Old Nie and Big Sister Ying and hear their views. Big Sister Ying promised to come the next afternoon.
When old friends meet for the first time in ten years, it can be both happy and bleak. Each has gone through hard times. Each has progressed from the promise of youth to the decline into old age. Each says, you’ve grown old. The wrinkles and white hairs of a decade, the bitter memories.
F said to Old Nie, ‘I never thought you would be implicated, that they would take your Party card away. I should have been less gullible. My friends paid a big price!’
‘There’s no escaping fate.’
They talked about things that had happened after their separation, and started discussing poetry. I steered Ying away and poured out my worries. Perhaps she could help me find a way of talking F round.
She thought aloud for a while, unable to make up her mind, and then surprised me by saying, ‘I think you should go to Sichuan. Beijing is not a good place. They may launch another movement – those left behind could easily get into trouble. If you have the chance of leaving, take it – the further the better.’
She saw how surprised I was. ‘You don’t know. The row surrounding Hai Rui Dismissed from Office might deepen. The Beijing Municipal Party Committee might not be able to stay out of it. It’s not a simple issue, that’s obvious from the Editorial Note.’
We returned to the small room. Old Nie also thought it would be better to leave Beijing. He even said, ‘When you’re settled, we’ll come too.’
F told Old Nie with deep feeling, ‘You should continue with your Zhuangzi and write your novel, for example by adapting Journey to the West or Legend of the White Snake. Bai Suzhen is a strong woman opposed to feudalism, she is worthy of a book. Research Dream of the Red Chamber from an aesthetic point of view.’
Big Sister Ying butted in, ‘Don’t be so pessimistic. You’ve been beaten and punished, what else can they do? If they let you out, they’re bound to let you work. Look at those war criminals, some are commission members and even commissioners. I spend all my time filing away materials for them, can you believe that?’
Everyone was moved by what she said. Our pent-up feelings seemed to dissipate.
‘Old Hu has one big fault, he thinks too much, and ends up creating anxieties for himself.’
The two men who in the past had drained glass after glass now sipped sparingly. I had bought a bottle of their favourite bamboo-leaf wine, but neither showed much interest. They were old men, in their sixties. When they talked of old friends, each sighed. Quite a few of them had been branded rightists. Big Sister Ying said, ‘You stayed out of trouble in 1955 but in 1957 you couldn’t escape. There are so many movements, it’s not surprising. I felt my heart was in the right place. By raising criticisms, I was trying to help the Party rectify itself. How was I to know I would be called anti-Party? But I learned from the experience. Old Hu, in future do as you’re told and you can’t go wrong!’
‘What do you mean, do as I’m told? Don’t you listen to the Party?’
‘Of course! But listen or not, we don’t understand, so we’re bound to go wrong.’
All things considered, we enjoyed a lively evening.
Before leaving, Old Nie said, ‘Old Tian would love to see you. Is that all right?’
‘No! His situation is not much better than ours. Don’t get him into trouble again on my account. He can write a letter.’
Shortly afterwards, I phoned to tell Old Nie and his wife the date of our departure. The same evening, Old Nie arrived, to see us off.
He and F had a long talk. From it, I sensed Old Nie had changed a lot. He thought deeply about things and boldly expressed his opinions, which was not easy. He had learned caution and was no longer negligent and unworldly. He had become a thinker.
From a paper wrapping he took out a poem he had written. It moved F greatly, and the two of them discussed it. He also gave F a set of the 80-chapter Dream of the Red Chamber edited by Yu Pingbo and some volumes
