entry, and she wrote in her journal almost every day. Although sometimes she continued to overeat and use food to fill her emptiness, Lisa was gaining insight into her emotional needs and why she was turning to food. When she first came to see me, her binges were at least once a day. Once she started journaling, she reported that the binges were much less frequent, sometimes not even once a week. As we looked at her writing together, she began to understand what was going on in herself before she binged.
Assignment
It is important to express somewhere what you are feeling so you don't end up eating because of it. Journaling is one of the best personal-growth practices for emotional clarity, so get in the habit of writing in your journal daily, for at least ten minutes. Opening up in this way can be a deep, cathartic experience. You will discover the magic of journaling as you write what's going on for you, on the inside, honestly.
If you don't know where to start, you could begin with “What is bothering me today?” or “Why do I eat so much?” or “What makes me happy?” or “I am really angry about ____.” And, if all else fails, just write, “I don't know what to write” over and over again. The important thing is to keep writing.
Your entries will probably be a lot different than Lisa's—everyone is unique, and every journal entry is different. There is no need for any specific structure—just begin using the tool of writing and see what comes out. Write quickly, without censoring yourself; don't worry about spelling and punctuation. Great writing is not required, only a desire to uncover hidden feelings and get to the core of your being.
Begin to trigger old memories using photographs, old address books, or other memory-joggers. Getting honest is the first step in reducing the bingeing as you move toward the goal of self-acceptance. We all eat because we are hungry. Now you are beginning to identify the hunger. It is often not physical, but an emotional or spiritual hunger.
You are not alone. You are not the only person who has felt this way or used food in this way. It is important to have a support system, which we'll talk about next.
Chapter 3
Finding Support
No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.
—H. E. LUCCOCK, METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH BISHOP
YOU ARE NOW WRITING IN your food-mood diary every day, as well as journaling your feelings. As you continue with these activities, chances are really good that you will begin to have insights and aha moments. But since these are both solitary endeavors, it is time to also create a support system to ensure you get encouragement and strength from others. Moreover, you need to become your own advocate, your own cheerleader, as you learn to take better care of yourself. This chapter touches on both these aspects—creating an outside support system as well as learning to support and nurture yourself. In addition, Day 6 deals with seeking professional help, if needed.
Day
Often we are our own worst enemies. I vividly remember a poignant Ziggy cartoon illustrating the truth of this statement. In the first frame we see Ziggy, with head bowed, and the caption “God grant me one request—destroy my worst enemy.” The next frame is a large lightning bolt and the word ZAP! The third frame displays a pile of ashes with smoke rising and the words “Let me rephrase that!”
Yes, we can each be our own worst enemy. As you do the inner work necessary to curb emotional eating, it is crucial to encircle yourself with supportive people. While you will have the outlet of writing in your journal, it is also important to have someone to confide in. Then, if you fall into old patterns with food, you'll have someone to talk to about it. A typical response from your Inner Critic is blaming and shaming, which can lead to more self-loathing and more binge eating. A nonjudgmental friend, however, might acknowledge those feelings and then help you move past them with a fresh perspective and positive actions.
Surround yourself with friends or family members who care about you and want what's best for you. Having a support system is like having a safety net below you at all times. It gives you the courage to take the next step forward, and then the next, as you embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation.
Likewise, it is essential that you avoid people who might sabotage your efforts—those who discourage you from changing or who actively bring you unhealthy food as treats. Identify individuals who are critical, cause you to feel bad about yourself, or drain your energy—and stay away from them. Choose instead to hang out with those who applaud your efforts, who celebrate you for being you, and who are trustworthy with your feelings.
When I was at my lowest emotionally, I was fortunate to find Twelve-Step meetings. The openness and self-honesty I heard in the rooms were both foreign and frightening to me. Even so, I returned week after week because I saw, for the first time, people who had lost weight and were keeping it off. Over two hundred different self-help groups, with a combined worldwide membership of millions, now employ Twelve-Step principles for recovery. This book's Resources section offers more information about some of the food-related recovery groups.
When I stopped eating compulsively, I began to experience a hodgepodge of feelings. The Twelve-Step meetings provided a support system where I began to let others in, allowing them to see the real me by sharing my innermost thoughts, along with the fragile, newfound feelings that accompanied them. Later, I sponsored other people, assisting them in ending their own obsession with food.
It took me a while to understand the program, and applying the steps became my first experience with personal-growth work. The original Twelve Steps, as set by Alcoholics Anonymous, state:
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable [In food-related programs, alcohol is replaced with food, etc.]
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him [Many groups have changed Him to God to make it gender neutral. To make the statements originally including God more religiously neutral, the word can be changed to a Higher Power, or something similar. The Twelve-Step groups listed in the Resources are not religious but are spiritual and open to people of all religions, and of no religions, including atheists and agnostics.]
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10: Continued to take personal
