is the idea of creating enough space in your life, whether for thirty seconds or for thirty days, to make sure that you have first things first, that you are not so distracted that you lose the moments of meaning in life, whatever else you might be in the process of gaining.
Notice the definition of Stopping is “Doing nothing as much as possible.” “Doing nothing” is a relative term here. Sometimes it will mean not doing much, doing something that takes very little energy, or doing something that you love to do. Paradoxically, doing nothing is doing something very beneficial. Again, Stopping should not be confused with inactivity; life is what it is about.
Stopping is not running from life or avoiding responsibilities. On the contrary, it is moving into life and its responsibilities in a new way. It is having the courage to go precisely where your meanings and values lie and spend time there. Stopping is like an embrace: it holds close and dear those moments which matter the most to you.
Carpe diem seems to be a popular saying these days. I've seen it on tee shirts and it often makes its way into movies. Carpe diem means “seize the day” and are the words of Horace, a Roman poet who lived just before the change of the eras (65–8 B.C.E.). Carpe diem is an encouragement to take advantage of the time you have. Contemporary equivalents might be “follow your dreams,” “don't miss the chances life gives you, you might not get any more,” “take a risk.” If you really want something, don't let anything get in the way. Have the guts to go for it!
Seize the day. Go for it. Follow your dreams. Take a risk. This encouragement to achieve and get things done was popular in the ancient times of Horace, and we are still quoting him. So what about Stopping in the face of carpe diem?—they seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum. On the one end we have “stop, be quiet, take time to be spiritually awake, and remember the important things” and on the other we have “seize the day, get out and go for it, get what you want, and do it now.” Are these mutually exclusive encouragements? Not at all.
I would rather say they differ in sequence of application. In other words, before you seize anything, go for anything, dream, follow, or risk anything, you'd better know what it is you are seizing, going for, or risking. Because we have too much in our lives, we have a tendency to be impulsive, to act before we think—or better—go before we stop. It's like the executive who was so busy climbing the corporate ladder that it was only very near the top that the realization came: The ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. So before we get going, we had better start from a Stopped position or else our going, like my freshman “revolt” at Georgetown, will be inaccurately chosen, poorly carried out, unsuccessfully ended, or all three.
The combination of doing nothing and carpe diem is exactly what Stopping is all about. So with apologies to Horace, I say that we had better know what diem we want to carpe before we carpe it, or we are likely to end up with the wrong day. Before you seize the day, stop for a day.
Or even for a minute.
Finally it has penetrated my thick skull.This life—this moment—is nodress rehearsal. This is it!
F. KNEBEL
12
Stillpoints, Stopovers, and Grinding Halts
Stopping has three levels. They are based on length of time: Stillpoints, Stopovers, and Grinding Halts. All are effective, but each one is meant for different moments of life.
A Stillpoint is Stopping quickly and doing nothing for just a moment. It is brief and meant to be used anytime, all the time (every day, in fact), and many times a day. Stillpoints are essentially very short: a few seconds or a few minutes. They are designed to take advantage of the unfilled moments in life: waiting for the microwave to heat your coffee, brushing your teeth, or sitting at a stoplight. They are also to be used at moments of stress: walking into an interview, during a feeling of anger, or when you know you're going to be late for an appointment.
Somewhat less frequent are Stopovers, which are those times that are longer than a Stillpoint, an hour to several days. These are the wonderful times of Stopping, when you really have the feeling that you have been away and have had a mini-vacation for the soul. The most common expression of the Stopover is the afternoon, day, or weekend away, whether you go anywhere or not.
Grinding Halts will probably happen only a couple of times in most people's lives. They are times from a week to a month— or more. Obviously, these need more planning, require a larger and deeper commitment of time and energy, and typically happen at times of life transitions.
These are the three levels, or the three expressions, of Stopping. Each is effective, but the more frequent the repetitions or the longer the time, the more lasting the effect. Think of the three levels as going down (each one deeper and more effective) and plumbing the deeper recesses of your being, allowing you to creatively and joyfully do nothing and to become more fully awake and recollected. These experiences will help you to make accurate decisions and to maintain your true life-direction.
All three expressions of Stopping—Stillpoints, Stopovers, and Grinding Halts—are designed specifically to help you keep one thing in mind: all you have is “now,” “then” is gone, and “when” is not yet and may never be. As the quote at the head of this chapter reminds us, this is not a dress rehearsal for your real life, which will happen sometime later when you are more prepared. You are not waiting for anything to begin; you are in the middle of it.
Except for the point,the still point,There would be no dance,and there is only the dance.
T. S. ELIOT, Four Quartets
13
Stillpoints: The Heart and Soul of Stopping
Stillpoints are the expression of Stopping that can be used most often and that forms the basis, or undergirding, of all Stopping. Stillpoints are quick and focused. Creating Stillpoints during the day is fundamental to the incorporation of Stopping into one's life. They grow by accumulation and thus are the backbone that holds up the structure. A day with fifteen Stillpoints will make you much more peaceful, satisfied, and calm, no matter how much you've had to do, how many people you've had to attend to, or how many fires you've had to put out. Stillpoints also bring you closer to joyful anticipation of the longer Stoppings.
The overwhelming advantage of Stillpoints—especially compared to meditation and other time-consuming systems of quieting—is that they can be incorporated into your life with minimal disruption and maximum effect. You can be with someone constantly for a whole day and that person would never know that during the day you had been renewed and refreshed by fifteen or twenty Stillpoints. I do it all the time:
As I am presenting a seminar to forty nurses, at least ten times during the presentation, I do a Stillpoint. I take a deep breath, focus in, remind myself of what I want to create in this seminar and what I want to offer the participants, and then I go back to what I was doing. This takes a few seconds and the participants experience it only as a brief pause.
Stillpoints are life's little moments of gold that, when taken together, can give brilliance and joy to otherwise dull days. Stillpoints are the little times, brief interludes, quick respites, one minute breaks, breathers, intermissions, and lulls.
But
