to be clear, I haven’t eaten any kittens in tiny hats to compare their taste to unicorn poop, and it’s weird I have to clarify that.)
Maybe I should start again.
The first time I met Jenny was at a signing party for my book Cake Wrecks. She fed my entire audience of Canadians crap-shaped cupcakes, and they loved it. So much so, there was very nearly The Politest Scuffle In The World over the last cupcake. So when I heard Jenny was writing this book, I knew two things: 1) that it would hit the sweet spot in the Venn diagram of all things tasty, adorable, and delightfully geeky, and 2) there would probably be poop in it.
I was right, and that’s why you’re going to love this book. Because you need your baking to be a little more fun. A little more weird. A little more YOU.
So whether you’re into gaming or fantasy or explaining how Han made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs, get ready to embark on the tastiest quest ever. Because hey, when it comes to baking? It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this book.
(I mean, go pay for it first. I am NOT advocating shoplifting. That would be a terrible foreword. It’s bad enough I’ve said “poop” this many times.)
(I said “poop” again. Crap. I mean shoot. Sorry. I’ll stop now.)
- Jen Yates, author of Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong
Dungeon Master’s Preface: Using this Book
How to turn your baking trials into critical hits.
I’ve been waiting for you, adventurer.
Here in this darkened corner of this forsaken tavern, where I’ve been spending my days telling stories to anyone who’ll listen of baking adventures past. But the further away those days of baking wizardry get, the more hazy the accounts become. I mean, I barely even tweet anymore.
But I awoke with a start one night not too long ago, and I just knew this book had made it to your hands. I sensed you were coming; your eager mind and limitless baking potential was like a pulse of brilliant light from that haze of darkness.
And how did you come across this tome, adventurer? Perhaps you discovered it in the forbidden section of a Mage tower library, or journeyed up a mountain to be handed a copy by a withered shaman, eager to pass on his mystic baking arts. Or maybe you bought it off Amazon. However it ended up in your hands, its power is now yours to wield.
Before you venture far from the comfort of your starter area, we should discuss the items below for an overall understanding of how this book works and the journey that now lies before you.
Levelling Up
This book is divided into 3 parts, each increasing in difficulty. Always read the recipe all the way through before starting! Get familiar with the steps before you take them, and it will improve your baking experience.
If you are new to baking, I recommend starting at Level 1 and working your way up. If your baking skills are already maxed out, then feel free to jump in and start slaying dragons all willy-nilly.
Level 1 - Squire: Starter quests to begin your baking adventure.
Level 2 - Knight: Grinding your skills in the kitchen for maximum XP.
Level 3 - Dragon Slayer: Epic recipes and skill checks for the most heroic of bakers.
The final section of the book is titled Festival Reveler, and it will be your chance to do a victory lap. Celebrate the seasons with a glass of mead and these legendary seasonal recipes.
Side Quests
Every adventurer needs a little break now and then. Between each level, there are recipes to help you plan a sweet shindig for your adventuring party (and some new NPCs you may meet along the way). A printable party invite, recipe, and cocktail are included for each theme party to get the festivities started.
Essential Baking Spells
Pages 42 to 75 contain the essential baking spells required to make most of the recipes in this book. Learn them well, adventurer, and they will serve you in kind.
Templates
Included in many of the recipes are names of templates available for download from my website, books.geeksweets.net – they are used for cutting out specific shapes, usually for fondant or cookies, as well as for royal icing transfers. See page 206 for how to use templates with fondant, page 35 for how to use templates with cookies, and page 128 for how to use templates to make a royal icing transfer. If you don’t have a printer, use this quick tip: trace template shapes by holding a square of waxed paper up to your computer screen, tracing the shapes, then cutting them out as required.
Critical Misses
Keep in mind this eternal truth: there is no winning or losing when it comes to baking. Each creation is a step on your journey toward true baking wizardry. If something doesn’t come out the way you imagined or looking just like the photo, it’s all the same to your taste buds, bud. Pick yourself up, dust the cake crumbs off, and try again.
Rolling Natural 20’s
Just pulled off a feat of baking prowess the likes of which this realm has never seen? I’d love to see it! Share it with everyone on social media with the hashtag #geeksweets and I’ll share it too:
Twitter: @geeksweettweets, Instagram: @geeksweets, Snapchat: @geeksweetsnaps
Facebook: @geeksweets
We’ve been talking all night, and the sun is starting to crest on a new day. Time to go, adventurer, our quest begins. These old bones can still conjure a mystical sweet or two. Let’s settle up with the barmaid and leave this small town behind for the buttercream-frosted glory that awaits.
Leveling up your baking game with an arsenal of goodies.
Clear up some slots in your Bag of Holding – baking magics require the right tools for every spell. You will find details in alphabetical order below on many of the items you’ll need to recreate the recipes in this book, as well as swap-in suggestions for some harder to find items.
Not sure where to find something? Check the resources section of this book, on page 259, for
