American Prep. Ronald Mangravite

      INTRODUCTION

      Picture this…

      It’s early morning at an American boarding school. The dawn’s light, filtering down through majestic old trees – maples, oaks and elms - falls gently on a vast circle of manicured lawn, bejeweled with dew. A small herd of deer grazes serenely along the fringe of the campus woods. Out on the river nearby, the crew team is completing a morning workout. Soon chapel bells will begin to peal, heralding the onset of the school day. Students will stroll forth towards ancient ivied academic buildings where their instructors await to begin the academic day ….

      That’s quite an idyllic scene, isn’t it? But are boarding schools really like that? And how in the world does one go about finding out?

      My first encounter with the boarding school world was hardly romantic; more like film noir. I arrived abruptly, sight unseen, due to family circumstances. My father drove me to the campus on a raw, rainy morning in early fall. I had one suitcase and a foot locker. I checked in at the administration building, we shook hands and he left. My boarding school life began.

      The school was one of the well known ones, old and beautiful, but with an atmosphere as chill as the autumn wind. Despite this, many of the boys (for this was a single-sex school, as most were then) appeared to be having a grand time. These kids were fast friends, high spirited, enthusiastic about everything in school life, except perhaps the food and the daily chapel requirements. As a new boy, utterly clueless about boarding school culture, I was apart from this camaraderie. I struggled with my classes, and both feared and admired my teachers in equal measure. I felt unwanted and kept to myself, lonely and homesick.

      Over time, things changed. My academics strengthened. I found my voice in class. I made friends and began to have fun in clubs and sports. Going home at breaks began to feel odd; returning to school turned into “going home”. My grades improved, as did my poise and gravitas. I was just getting going when matriculation came, too late to truly succeed at school, especially compared to my accomplished classmates. Impatient for the future, I shot out to college so fast I could have had a comet named after me. My prep school days, I thought, were history.

      How wrong I was. At university and after, I began to understand how my preparatory education had changed me. My writing and oral argument had become coherent and clear. A willingness to seize opportunities and an indifference to hardships seemed second nature. As time went on I realized what I had absorbed from boarding school: self reliance; an ability to confront challenging situations and material and a growing love for such encounters; and an ease with people of varied backgrounds combined with an appreciation for traditional values and aesthetics. Without my knowledge (or consent) I had been prepped in ways far more substantive than mere college academics. I had been transformed. To misquote Nelson W. Aldrich, Jr., I left my school, but the school did not leave me.

      After college came career. This included years of teaching at the university level, with admissions committee service, which brought me back in contact with the prep world. Research for various writing projects led me into prep school history and current administrative practices.

      I taught at some of the schools as a visiting instructor and re-established my ties with my own as an alumni and admissions volunteer. When my own children came up to apply to schools, I had additional opportunities to closely track the school search and admission processes from an inside position. So, too, my role as a current boarding school parent and subsequent conversations with parents and professionals at an array of schools have greatly assisted my access to ongoing trends and challenges and new developments in the prep school world. As a consequence, I have learned a great deal from multiple perspectives about how boarding schools work and how to “do school well”. With this knowledge has come some regret: if I had only known way back when what I know now! I had the basic sense to value my experience in my student days, but had I had access to some practical advice, I strongly suspect that my experience would have been richer and fuller.

      Meanwhile, friends began to seek advice regarding the boarding school world. I offered some suggestions; more questions followed. Much of what they were asking seemed quite basic, but when I suggested that they do as I typically do, which is to research a subject in depth, they told me that there were very few books or articles available. They kept asking the same questions: “What is boarding school really like for the student? For the parents and family? What are some techniques to help a boarding student succeed?”

      These are reasonable and important questions, ones to which I wish I had had the answers when I pulled my footlocker out of the family station wagon on that first rainy autumn day so long ago.

      The choice to attend boarding school is a major life decision. Each applicant and applicant family would be well advised to know as much as possible about what they are getting into before they begin the arduous tasks of school searches and applications.

      In hopes of helping my friends, I set about to find appropriate materials I could recommend. After some rummaging, I came to the conclusion that my friends were essentially correct. Some excellent sociological texts are decades old and increasingly obsolete. Internet sites and on-line discussions offer information haphazardly and oftentimes incorrectly. Most of the few books in print go no further than the admissions phase, the “Getting In” part of the process. “Getting In” is very important up until the student is offered admission, after which suddenly it doesn’t matter at all. What does matter is “Doing School Well”, a subject of much more importance in the long run and the very one that most books, in print or out, ignore. Also and not incidentally, none offered an overview of the entire experience from the family’s viewpoint. This led me to the decision to write American Prep.

      As

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