stores and seeing what fun finds can house your next gifts.
Let the presentation of your gift be a part of the gift, not an afterthought!
Timing
Consider the timing of your gift. Even the best gift in the world won’t be well received if she’s given it while she’s in the middle of cooking dinner for twelve people or while you’re in a loud, crowded place.
Make sure the recipient is able to fully focus on your gift. If it is ultra-personal, consider whether this is something you want to present with a lot of other people around or if it would be better one-on-one.
You can give the recipient a heads-up by saying something like, “I wanted to give you this during your party, but feel free to wait and read it later when you’re alone.” Or, “Hey, wanted you to have this now, but it might make your mascara run when you cry from joy, so I won’t be offended it you wait and open it later!”
What If They Don’t Like It?
You’ve created an amazing this-is-the-best-gift-ever kind of gift. You’ve presented it in a way that suits the person you are gifting and that gives the perfect weight and significance to the gift.
What if the unimaginable happens?
What if they don’t like it?
If you are old enough to be reading this book, then you are likely old enough to know that there are never any guarantees in life. It’s just the way it is. We could pour all our love and creativity into the perfect gift for someone, and yet when they open it, their face falls.
Whaaaaat? You might be thinking, “No way am I going to risk that,” as you reach for the Crate & Barrel catalog on your desk.
Listen, one of my favorite things is to remember is that a gift or a present is an item given to someone without the expectation of payment or return.
If we’re giving gifts, we are not expecting anything in return. And that includes gushing gratitude, happy exclamations, big hugs, or gosh-this-is-the-best-gift-evers.
But wait. Don’t throw this book down and walk away muttering just yet.
In my experience, 99 percent of the time these kinds of gifts are received with gushing exclamations, tears of joy, and “I-can’t-believe-you-did-this-for-me’s.” I could tell you hundreds and hundreds of stories about how these gifts have been the absolute perfect thing at the perfect time. I could tell you stories of oceans of happy tears. I can tell you about relationships that have been healed because of these kinds of say-it-now gifts. I could tell you of all the times someone has given a loving gift like this and it has meant the world to their loved one—and then that loved one has then unexpectedly died soon after, making it even more meaningful.
But, every once in a while, there might be something going on for the gift recipient that keeps her from receiving or loving your gift.
Here’s an example. When I first met my beau, Ian, we went to out to hear some live music together. It was Gypsy Jazz, flavored with swing. Couples were dancing all around us. I confessed to Ian that I’d always wanted to learn how to dance but that I was too clumsy, all left feet.
Ian offered to take dance lessons with me. He was extraordinarily patient and really made an effort to make our lessons fun. I was thrilled that we were doing this together, but deep inside, I was also mortified every time we went to class. Ian has a natural talent for dance, and he is incredibly comfortable in his body. Having spent most of my earlier life trying to check out any way I could, I was disconnected from my body. Dancing was such a draw, but it was also foreign to me. I was in my head too much and not able to feel the music. It was very awkward!
I didn’t let on to Ian the extent of this discomfort. Our relationship was still so new, and I longed to be the kind of woman I thought he deserved—and that was someone who was spontaneous and at ease in her body, not a forty-year-old woman who felt like she was a gawky nine-year-old.
Here’s where that all met the moment of a perfect gift: one morning after I had spent the night at Ian’s house, he and I walked to a nearby café to have breakfast. When we returned to his house, there was a surprise waiting for me. Ian had arranged for three musician friends to come to his house and play swing music for us in his apartment so we could dance.
He’d even had them set up some beautiful trays of food and wine for us. There were my favorite multicolored roses, the ones with half rose and half gold that look like sunsets. Everything was gorgeous. It was like I’d stepped into a movie.
Talk about romantic, right?
Yes. Except…
Except, I was the wrong person for the part. Instead of letting Ian swoop me up into his arms to dance gaily to the music they were playing, I slumped my shoulders and dragged my feet. Instead of being the leading lady, I turned into the self-conscious gawky nine-year-old. I was horrifyingly shy. My insides were all mixed up. I couldn’t tell him what I was feeling because it was all happening so fast and I just felt like the absolute wrong person.
You see, Ian’s gift was absolutely perfect. But at that moment, I wasn’t able to receive it.
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