glands inhibit or decrease the amount of cortisol and norepinephrine in the bloodstream. These effects place you in a relaxed, contented, and secure state. Another related study from the University of North Carolina School of Medicine in Chapel Hill studied postpartum mothers. They found that higher oxytocin levels were associated with lower cardiovascular and sympathetic-nervous reactivity to stress.5
Indeed, a hug a day—especially a twenty-one-second hug—may very well keep the doctor away.6
What could this mean for long-term treatment of stroke victims during their physical rehabilitation, situational or even chronically depressed patients and their daily medical regimen? Could frequent hugs, or so many quality hugs a day, be prescribed as part of their medical therapy? Why not include a prescription that states, “Three twenty-one-second hugs a day, every day”? And for stressful conditions, add a fourth thirty-second hug when needed. Why not? There’s enough physical evidence to suggest hugs provide the recipient with measurable and reproducible benefits.
The scientific community hopes that anxiety patients may be helped more quickly with the aid of oxytocin. Oxytocin would have a positive effect on the patient’s perception of fear. It would aid in bonding between therapist and subject, suggesting a heightened increase in success of treatment. Oxytocin could become an alternative to standard anxiolytics like lorazepam or diazepam, but with a much more natural approach, and less risk of side effects. More clinical studies are needed, but early results suggest there is reason for much optimism. Oxytocin may change how we look at and treat anxiety in the future. The possibilities are virtually endless, or at least that’s how it seems now.
We see anecdotal examples every day. “When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and every stress that happened that day just melts away.” I doubt this father knew much about science, or that he understands the oxytocin effect behind this display of love and affection, but his statement speaks to the depth of his grasp of the hidden benefits behind his daughter’s hug. If hugs can have this level of influence on our daily lives, shouldn’t we incorporate human contact into our daily activities? I suspect we would all be much better for it as individuals, as families, and as fellow citizens of the world. If someone important has passed on from this world, what would you give to have the chance to hug them once more? Don’t be afraid to touch your loved ones—your health and well-being may depend on it.
The Benefits of Hugging from The Hug Store
1.Reduces stress, worry, and anxiety
2.Increases calmness
3.Reduces production of cortisol (the stress hormone)
4.Enhances bonding differently than language alone
5.Lowers levels of emotional and physical pain
6.Increases compassion and understanding
7.Relieves depression
8.Elevates mood
9.Boosts and enhances the immune system
10.Relaxes muscles in the body
11.Lowers blood pressure and improves heart health
12.Balances the nervous system
13.Reduces feelings of hostility and anger
14.Helps with nonverbal communication
15.Boosts self-esteem
The previous page is an excerpt from a children’s book that I think offers a profound lesson. If you are looking for a great children’s book, I suggest you read The Hug Store from Veronica Lane Books, written by father/daughter team Shana and Rick Morrison. It is based on a true story in which Shana (a five-year-old kindergartner) tells her grandfather that she “is all out of hugs” and needs “to go to the hug store to get more.”
Feeling Stuck
Sadly, people often feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction with their lives. Things are not turning out as they had hoped. They had plans that never materialized, goals and expectations they didn’t meet, or dreams they never pursued. Their lives are full of shoulds: I should be more successful. I should have gone back to school. I should be in better shape. My marriage should be happier.
Perhaps you have thought, I’m an unpaid chauffeur, driving my kids to lessons and practices and play dates. I resent being in this position, but I’m stuck. You’re comparing yourself to all the other parents and wondering about their levels of contentment as they drive kids to piano lessons or dancing lessons and hockey practices. Is this the way my life should be?
Or, maybe you are frustrated with your professional life. You may be thinking, I’m in a job that’s going nowhere. Half the time I’m bored, and the other half I’m frenzied and about to burn out. I don’t like what I’m doing—it’s a bad fit for my skills—but I’m stuck. Jobs are not that easy to find, and I should be happy I even have one. I have to support my family even if I don’t love what I’m doing.
Shoulds can lead you to a pity party: My marriage should have worked out. I should be in better shape. I should be making more money. I should be married. I should go back to school, because I’m not getting anywhere. I should have gone for another degree or pursued a career in a different field.
Does this sound familiar? Are there areas of your life that aren’t working? If you feel overwhelmed, dissatisfied, or just plain stuck, you are not alone.
Why This Matters
You are not stuck. By becoming aware of how you feel about your life, you have taken the first step on a life-changing journey. Hug Therapy is your guidebook.
Action
In all of life, and as you read the upcoming chapters, it is critical to identify what is and isn’t the truth. As humans, we are prone to getting caught up in the drama of our lives. You must learn to separate what’s actually true from your version of the truth. This must be done with razor precision. The challenge is that we get so caught up in our version of reality that we see it as the truth, even though an objective outsider will clearly see the distinction. Let Hug Therapy help you identify this difference. The value in it is immeasurable.
Begin to rely very heavily on these two questions: Did that really happen? and Am I completely certain that actually happened? For example, your best friend unexpectedly misses your birthday party. Many of us in a situation such as this have thoughts, like: They don’t really care about me. Are they really my best friend if they aren’t willing to go out of their way to attend my birthday? A best friend shouldn’t behave like this. In this instance, the reality is that they did not physically attend the party. The rest is conjecture, and yet we often treat “the rest” as if it is fact. As a result, we often create a world of suffering, and become trapped in it. Open yourself to looking deeply at assumptions that you have made about the people in your life. Are you doing this to some of the people with whom you are or have been close? Getting lost in these inaccurate versions of reality is not only hurting ourselves and negatively impacting our quality of life, it is pulling ourselves away from the people in our world.
“Each day of human life contains joy and anger, pain and pleasure, darkness and light, growth and decay. Each moment is etched with nature’s grand design—do not try to deny or oppose the cosmic order of things.”
—Morihei Ueshiba
Dear Reader,
Consider
