to impose and never really thought to take them up on their offers. When I finally called one of Ann’s friends, she was happy to help out and wondered why I hadn’t asked sooner. It turns out she was feeling helpless and looking for a way to reconnect.”
It would have been easy to let the guilt get the better of him and just stay home, but Henry realized he needed those nights out to interact with friends and relax. It made him a better caregiver and allowed his wife to have a break from him, too!
“I was born with a fierce need for independence.”
—Michelle Williams
Not Today
Even as it became more difficult for my mom to do simple tasks, she always insisted on getting dressed for the day. It made her feel less infirm to be presentable, even if she was staying home. This makes sense since taking care of one’s appearance can have positive psychological effects. However, I never realized what a monumental effort this was for her until I came over early for an appointment. Usually if she had a doctor’s appointment, I would find her already dressed and ready when I arrived, but one day I decided to get a few things done around her condo before we left and showed up sooner than expected. While I was putting in laundry and unloading the dishwasher, I could hear her getting ready in the bathroom and bedroom. Time ticked by, and before I knew it, we were running behind. But my mom had still not emerged from her room. When I went in to get her, I was amazed to find her still struggling with her clothes—it had taken her nearly an hour to get this far! It became obvious that she needed more help than she was letting on.
In addition to the spinal condition, she was battling ever worsening arthritis and damaged rotator cuffs (as well as a host of other ailments), which made everyday tasks extremely difficult. By this time, I had already made many modifications to help her in the kitchen and bathroom, but I hadn’t thought of the effort of dressing and, of course, she didn’t say anything. (This would have been seen as more evidence as to why she shouldn’t be living alone!)
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