my hair and walked around the corner of the main fair building toward the Death Machine. The overhead lights and most of the lights on the rides and game booths were out; I saw no one I knew from town.
Good, I thought. That’d only be more of a complication than I could cope with just then.
The roller coaster lights were out and I couldn’t see anyone around. I stood in the dark at the base of the entry ramp, feeling a tremendous letdown.
But how could I be so disappointed over not seeing someone who was nothing but a stranger to me?
Suddenly, there was movement in the shadows. Someone grabbed me, an arm around my waist, and a hand clamped over my mouth as I started to scream. I felt myself pressed tightly, yet gently, against a strong, firm body.
He twirled me around to face him, still pressing me tightly against him. Then a familiar scent reached my nose, just as warm, lush lips covered mine in a passionate kiss. I pulled back slightly and peered through the darkness at the black eyes I yearned for. He kissed me again, then led me to a blanket beneath the scaffolding. I glanced around.
“Rebel, not here,” I protested.
“Why not?”
“Someone might see us!”
“They couldn’t see much, and besides, they wouldn’t know who it was,” he replied, undeterred. “Come on—it excites you, doesn’t it? Knowing what we’re getting away with?”
But I didn’t have time to reply . . . he was slipping my top off over my head even as he lowered me to the blanket.
Perhaps it was the thrill of the forbidden; perhaps it was that I’d found the perfect lover. Whatever it was, I was completely caught up in it. Rebel’s muscles flexed as he lowered himself onto me. I wrapped my legs around his narrow, powerful waist and lost myself to passion. There was no future, there was no past; there was only now—now and Rebel, and this feeling.
Later, as we lay side by side, looking up through the scaffolding at the moon and stars, he said quietly, “Stay with me tonight.”
“What?” I asked.
He turned his face toward me. “Stay with me tonight,” he repeated.
“Oh, but—I can’t! No one knows where I am.” I blurted it out before I thought, then added hastily, “And I have to work tomorrow.”
He lay on his back in silence, looking up at the heavens. Something in his brooding silence tugged at my heartstrings. I raised up on one elbow and caressed his cheek tenderly.
“Rebel, I can’t stay tonight. Really. It’s not that I don’t want to . . . but I have a job I have to be at by eight in the morning. And I couldn’t explain to my parents why I was coming in just to change for work.”
“You couldn’t just tell them that you’d been with me?” he asked, with a sudden edge to his voice.
“Well . . . they’d want to know all about you. And what could I say? What do I even know about you?”
He pushed my arm away and rolled over, reaching for his jeans. He sat up with his back to me, pulling them on. “What do you need to know about me?” He spat it out, like I’d just insulted him horribly. “You wanna know if I’m an ax murderer? You think something like that about me?”
“No!” I cried, confused and upset. “No, I don’t think anything like that! But, Rebel—I don’t even know if . . . well . . . if you’re married!”
At that, he turned and gave me a long, level look. “If that mattered to you, then why are you here?”
My mouth dropped open. I could think of nothing to say. Because he had a point—a very good point: If that mattered to me, why was I here? Questions began to crowd my brain. What on earth was I doing? Sneaking around, having wild sex with a man I didn’t even know—a man who spent his life, for all I knew, roaming the country, seducing women in every town.
We dressed in silence. Rebel jerked the blanket up from the ground, rolling it into a manageable mound, then struck out toward his trailer, leaving me to find my way out on my own.
The next day was Friday. All day at work, one thought kept haunting me: The carnival would be gone on Sunday. Rebel would be gone . . . forever. My life would be back . . . normal. By four-thirty, I knew what I had to do.
When I got home, I told my parents that I was going to the fair with Kelly and Michelle, who shared an apartment, and would spend the night with them at their place. Then I threw a change of clothes into a duffel bag and left.
I left the bag in my car when I reached the fairgrounds, got out, and headed for the Death Machine, my stomach turning flips. The turmoil I felt is indescribable. I was going on blind faith, after all. For all intents and purposes, I was placing my life in the hands of a stranger. But I had to find out—was Rebel someone I couldn’t, shouldn’t, let go? Was he worth the upheaval in my life?
As I approached him, Rebel glanced up at me. Then, wordlessly, he continued with his work, adjusting a bolt on the machine. The invisible barrier was up again—I could feel it. I just stood there, patiently, and eventually, he looked at me again.
“What are you doing here?”
“I had to see you. Does the offer—does it still stand?”
“What offer?”
“The offer to stay the night,” I said softly.
He looked at the ground, then back up at me—a long, assessing look. I began to feel even uneasier as I wondered what was going through his mind.
“You’re not afraid someone will find out?” he asked pointedly, the edge still there.
“No. I want to be with you,” I said, hoping my uncertainty didn’t show. “I—I want to know you better.” It slipped out before I thought.
“Oh. Still not sure about what you’ve gotten yourself into, huh? Well, you don’t need to worry, cuz you’re not in anything. I’ll be out of here in two days, and then you can go back to your regular little existence and forget you ever knew me.”
“I don’t think so,” I said quietly.
“You don’t think what?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget you,” I said.
He hesitated a moment, then reached a hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me to him. And there, in broad daylight, where anyone in the world could see, he kissed me long and hard, and held me tight.
That night, I wandered around the fair, stopping by the Death Machine every so often, though Rebel was so busy he had little time to talk. Friday night, the fair was jam-packed with people. It seemed like just about everyone I knew was there. I can’t deny it; it made me uncomfortable. There was something furtive about my connection to Rebel, something I couldn’t quite pull out and deal with. At this point, I wasn’t ready for anyone from town to find out about Rebel and me. Mentally, I chided myself. After all, this was exactly what he’d been talking about. But it wasn’t
