like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I almost cried, but then, I was always near to tears, it seemed.
“How can you look at me and be so proud, Luke?” I waddled toward him and gave him a pudgy-faced grimace. “I’m a water balloon about to pop!”
“Oh, I love water balloons. They’re so darned squishy and soft and bright and cheerful. Besides, Kelli—you are glowing. Simply radiant, sugar.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed at his playful assessment while Luke made his customary acknowledgment of the baby. Gently, he patted my oversized stomach, and held a sunny conversation with my belly.
Not unlike me, Luke enjoyed talking to my tummy and usually explained his latest trip and any excitement he’d had along the way. Not only did his one-sided chats entertain me, but his carefree dialogue seemed to affect the baby. It responded to Luke’s voice with a muffled squiggle and an amniotic gurgle.
“What are you doing here, now, Luke?”
He shrugged bashfully. “I took my vacation. I wanted to be here with you when the baby comes.”
“Who knows when the baby will be born?” I groused, weary of being pregnant, terrified of the childbirth ahead, and profoundly relieved to have him with me.
“I’d say soon. You hungry?”
“No,” I admitted, amazed that I hadn’t been all day. “Just tired and swollen. My feet hurt and my back is killing me.”
Luke’s grin widened hopefully. “Really?”
As if on cue, another spasm shifted the load within me and a sharp cramp shot through my torso. I stumbled, caught by Luke’s steadying embrace.
Alarmed and leery, I straightened, only to feel the almost soothing sensation of something warm oozing inside, then staining my maternity pants. I gasped and looked up into Luke’s eyes.
“Maybe we’d better put off lunch until after we call the doctor,” Luke said panting, his arms tight around me. He held me strong against his chest.
“Good idea,” I chuckled, then was hit by another savage jab.
For the next ten hours, Luke never left my side. He sponged my sweating face, watched the bleeping monitors, and didn’t even notice the ragged welts my fingernails had clawed onto the backs of his hands. When the baby braced itself against my lungs and wrung out the air within them, Luke drew a breath for us all, and loosened my labor with his tranquilizing voice.
When at last the delivery-time came, they draped a concealing sheet to separate me from the happenings below. Luke held my hand and braved the curtained sheet.
Through his eyes, I watched the birth of my baby. As I bore down for a last, tooth-grinding push, Luke gasped, and shared the life-freeing cramp with me. His mouth formed an awestruck circle and moisture glistened in his eyes.
Seconds ticked by, and time hung suspended in that breathless heartbeat. Then, my baby sputtered toward independent life with a shrill cry.
Helpless and fragile, the newborn’s voice grew stronger, more determined, until its scream was boisterous. And with each life-reaffirming squall, I gripped Luke’s hand, choking back my own bittersweet tears.
“Is it okay, Luke? Is my baby all right?”
“Oh, Kelli,” he twisted, eyes brimming with emotion. “She’s beautiful. She’s perfect.”
“Can I see her? Can I touch her?” I sobbed, squeezing his hand with all my frail, drug-induced power.
“Better not, honey,” the nurse interceded, blocking what little view I may have sneaked.
“Oh, please!” I beseeched her, but my pleas fell on deaf ears.
Fortunately, Luke was not as sensible. With a puckered smile on his lips, he leaned away from me and reached toward my baby.
Although I could not see my baby, the instant Luke made contact with her, I felt her in my entire being. I could almost feel Luke’s strong hand caressing her. His hand tightened on mine and his face beamed with unadulterated joy. Luke stroked her little body, and whispered sweet phrases against her ear. Soon, her angry cries hiccuped away.
“Oh!” Luke chortled, his tone thick, muffled by a wistful throb. “Her skin feels like wet velvet, her eyes are blue. Little, precious blue orbs! She looks like you, Kelli. Ten little fingers, ten little toes. She’s just the most precious little angel I’ve ever seen!”
I struggled to sit up and tear away the sheet that kept me from my baby. However, the entire hospital seemed to know of my adoptive decision, and the burly nurse grabbed my shoulders gently and pinned me back down.
“It’s better you don’t look, Kelli,” she murmured. Though I begged her to free me, she shook her head and pressed me to the bed. In my weak-limbed condition, I could not fight her. All I could do was grieve, and taste the sour, regretful tears that dripped down my face.
Looking again at Luke, my utter misery must have broken his heart. His face contorted and I saw wetness collect in the corners of his eyes. For one quick moment, he turned back toward the baby, his finger tracing her delicate, soft mouth. Luke kissed her forehead and breathed in her newborn scent. With paternal-like reluctance, he stepped away from the child, then moved to stand beside me.
With his lips to my forehead, his fingertips on my lips, he gave me my baby’s kiss.
A primal, bestial sob ripped from my deepest being, my heart shattered into a million, blood-dipped shards. Luke caught me to his chest, and bore the heartbreaking torrent of my dying soul.
After some scuffled footsteps and muted orders, my baby was gone—spirited away, torn from my body, withheld from my sight, and completely erased from my life.
I continued to struggle and scream. Even Luke’s tight hug could not placate me. Even my hero, Luke, could not diminish the sorrow that swallowed me whole.
“It’s okay, Kelli,” Luke wept, his tears mingled with mine. “It’s okay, you are doing the right thing.”
But before I could tell him he was wrong, explain how deeply in love I was with my unseen child, another compassionate nurse bustled at my IV, pumping yet another dulling drug into my veins. Blackness swirled around me as conscious thought drifted away.
I’ve no idea how long I slept. It could have been an eternity, or a timid half-second. Nevertheless, when I awoke, my entire body throbbed. My hospital pillow was saturated, yet my eyes were puffy and dry. On my bedside table stood a stack of official papers—papers that, once signed, would seal my baby’s fate forever. I couldn’t stand the thought of her receiving some other mother’s love. . . .
I wrestled to an upright position and saw Luke sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed. When he realized that I was awake, he offered a gallant, but vacuous, smile.
“How are you feeling, Kelli?”
“Like I was hit by your semi!” I managed a feeble grin, then felt the blurring of tears. I wondered if I would ever stop crying.
“Your
