This makes for an important shift in my attitude about life. Social users and nonusers are people who are outside the program. The person who is still getting loaded is also outside the program. According to the primary purpose of my twelve-step program, I am supposed to help those who wish to recover from their addiction. However, I recall nothing in the program that says I should exclude other nondrinkers or social drinkers from my life. In fact, program literature talks about how, once I begin practicing the program, I can go anywhere and do anything if I am spiritually fit. Now that I do my best to stay spiritually fit, I can participate in life. Today I participate in life and see it as a completely normal thing to do.
“When I don’t drink, I can be as normal as anybody else.” This is a direct quote from my first sponsor. When he first mentioned it to me, it flew over my head. I thought that being alcoholic made me different from others and that I would be different for the rest of my life. However, I have come to understand that everybody has troubles and issues. We are all normal in some areas and not so normal in others; drinking has nothing to do with being normal. I have talked with many people who have no problem drinking alcohol. They also have crazy ideas, just as I do. They just don’t act on them. When I drank and drugged, I used to act on any thought that came into my head, as long as it “seemed like a good idea at the time.” Today I don’t do that. I take time to analyze the thought, the situation, even the consequences, before choosing to act. These are very normal activities. Giving other people credit for being normal because they do not drink leaves out all the possible difficulties they may have in their lives such as the illnesses they may have or the financial, family, or social demons they may encounter. These issues and concerns are not included in my equation or my understanding of what is normal.
Many people whom I consider normal have disorders that they believe make them different or abnormal, yet they somehow find ways to cope. There are so many diseases and disorders that I couldn’t possibly list them all, but a short list could include such things as overeating, gambling, smoking, sexual issues, abuse against oneself or others, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Many of these examples are common manifestations of the disease of addiction while others are not. Let’s not overlook cancer, diabetes, and other disorders of this ilk. These diseases may differ from addiction, but they nonetheless require a change in lifestyle not unlike what I have experienced. What makes these people seem normal is that they deal with these issues in more healthy ways than the ways I used to deal with my drinking. However, today I deal with my drinking in the healthiest way possible. I abstain and participate in a program that helps me learn to live a healthy and fulfilling life. While some people may not need, or use, a program to deal with their issues, many people like me do seek help. Seeking help for problems and issues we encounter is normal behavior. There are counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists whose offices are full of those seeking help. There are many forms of help available for addiction, and there are many self-help groups. Self-help titles comprise a large portion of available titles. Bookstores would not sell them if people did not want them. We all need a little help now and then. My participating in a program to learn how to cope with life issues is no different from another person’s use of self-help books or support groups.
As I see it, my fellowship mirrors life in general to allow for me to try out new thoughts and behaviors in a safe haven before I attempt them in the world at large. I sought and received help for my problem from my fellowship. What I didn’t expect was all the other support I received, both directly and indirectly. When I look at others in the program I see that they come from different walks of life, have all kinds of issues, differ in their willingness to try new things, and have big and small goals. Regardless of who or what they are, they all have one thing in common: They sit at the tables and seek help just like me.
My sponsor once told me that if you clean up a horse thief, you just have a clean horse thief, unless they decide to stop stealing horses. There are people, supposedly in recovery, who still lie, cheat, and steal. They have yet to discover how these activities hurt them and others. Hopefully, they will decide to change their behaviors if and when they are able to see the truth. However, there are people who do not have addiction and who also perform some pretty awful acts against their fellow man, for example, some members of the clergy. They are considered examples of what is just and right. Yet many of them are alleged to have abused children, stolen, or committed other crimes. It is true that no one is perfect.
In my fellowship I get a small snapshot of the outside world, and I am able to test new behaviors in an environment conducive to my personal growth. Then, the real test of my new behavior comes when I venture into the world outside the protected walls of my fellowship.
Once I heard a story about a man who was running late for church. Upon arriving at the church, he noticed everyone leaving. He got the attention of an elderly woman and asked if he had missed the sermon, to which she replied, “Sir, the sermon is just beginning.” So the man ran inside to hear what the pastor was saying, only to find the church entirely empty. The man came back outside, disgruntled, to find the little woman sitting at the bus stop. As he approached the woman, he stated, “I thought you said the sermon had just begun.” “Oh, but it has,” she replied. “The preacher said his piece and he is done with that. Now it is up to each of us to see how we can apply what we learned to our everyday lives. That is where the sermon really takes place.”
My program is a lot like the sermon. I go to meetings to learn. Then I apply what I have learned to my everyday life. That is where my program really lives—in my everyday life. What my program really does is allow me to see who and what I really am. This allows me to change the things I find objectionable. I make these changes with continued practice, with the help of people I have come to trust in the program, and most of all, with the help of God as I have come to understand Him. However, to make any changes, I must take action.
While I was active in my disease, I was not living life. I was, at best, existing. I took no action to make things better—for myself or for others. Since I have entered recovery, I have learned it is up to me to change me. I receive a great deal of help from those I meet in my program, but they are unable to fix my life. Only I can change me, through taking action. Even God is not able to change me if all I do is stay where I am, especially if my inertia is the result of being an addict. I have to take the necessary steps if I am to get anywhere.
I must participate in my recovery and in life. I must take action to apply the things I have learned in meetings, through reading and discussing the basic text of my fellowship, through talking with my sponsor, and by getting in touch with my conscience. For the most part I believe I know right from wrong, but some issues require more knowledge than I possess, or more wisdom than I am able to muster or exhibit. The program is there to help me with these things, yet it is up to me to take the necessary steps to better myself. The reward is nearly always worth more than the work involved. I can become involved in life; I can participate in the activities of living instead of plowing through the misery of dying the death of an addict.
Life is really one big, long process. It is made up of many smaller processes, but life is still a process. Once I begin to live my recovery, it becomes my mission to determine how much I want to participate in the process. I can be part of the action, or I can sit in the stands and watch. Neither is more important in and of itself, but I need to determine which makes me happy—or happier. If I simply “don’t use, and go to meetings,” that is what I will get out of the program: I’ll simply be abstinent at a meeting. However, if I want to experience all the opportunity life has to offer, I need to take more action.
When I met my first sponsor I was just four days out of rehab, but I knew I wanted something he had. He was happy. That was all I noticed at first, although I came to learn that he had much more than just happiness. I decided I wanted all that he had to offer. He was “happy, joyous, and free,” as is said in the fellowship. He had serenity, courage, and wisdom. I jokingly told him I was going to steal everything he had so I could use it myself. He told me that I could not steal that which was freely given. He wanted to share what he had with others if they were willing to do their part. If I was willing to participate in my
