spiritually, physically, and mentally while in a caring relationship with someone who has chronic pain.
We stress the importance of family members practicing good self-care, no matter where your loved one with chronic pain is with his or her treatment and recovery, if the family is to stay balanced and endure the life changes brought about by the chronic pain. We hope this book will give you the tools and guidance you need to achieve this.
Mel Pohl, MD, FASAM • Frank J. Szabo, Jr., LADC Daniel Shiode, Ph.D. • Robert Hunter, Ph.D.
We would like to express our deepest appreciation and gratitude to Stuart Smith for having faith in us and providing an opportunity for us to use our experience, strength, and hope to help others discover pain recovery. Stuart’s vision, commitment, and dedication made this book possible.
To our supportive families and friends who make the work we do possible.
To the excellent editorial staff at Central Recovery Press: Nancy Schenck, Dan Mager, Daniel Kaelin, and Helen O’Reilly. And especially to Valerie Killeen, for the expert job she did editing this book.
To the skilled and dedicated clinical team and support staff at Las Vegas Recovery Center.
To Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design, for designing this book. To David Fulk for proofreading.
If someone you love has chronic pain, you, too, are suffering. Chronic pain has caused imbalance in your life, and although it’s not your pain, you live with it every day. Even people who are in good mental health and are well-balanced have difficulty living with someone who has chronic pain, yet there are few resources out there to help family members cope with their distress. That is why we wrote this book.
Pain Recovery for Families will show you how you can be nurturing, loving, and supportive to someone with chronic pain without losing your own identity; how to allow that person to take responsibility for his or her pain; how to be caring without being a caretaker; and how to communicate honestly even when the person in pain maintains a victim role or does not acknowledge your feelings as being equally important. This book will provide you with the principles and solutions you can practice to restore balance in your life.
Some of you may not identify with recovery because it’s a term that is traditionally associated with addiction. In pain recovery, we define recovery as the process of moving from imbalance to balance. The family dealing with the disease of addiction is very similar to the family dealing with chronic pain, because both illnesses manifest in imbalances in the mind, body, emotions, and spirit. This is true for people who suffer from chronic pain and addiction as well as for people in close relationships with them (spouses or significant others, parents, children, siblings, friends, coworkers). Additionally, many people with chronic pain develop problems with use of addictive substances to manage the pain, and both conditions need to be simultaneously addressed by the person with pain and by the family.
Examples of unbalancing effects chronic pain can have on the family include:
The Four Points of Balance
Pain recovery is a process grounded in balancing the person 1) physically, 2) mentally, 3) emotionally, and 4) spiritually. We use this framework to create awareness of the aspects of one’s self that, when they are unbalanced, lead to problems in life. The four points of balance will help you identify the areas where imbalance has caused unmanageability in your life. These points are, of course, interconnected. To find recovery, you must pay attention to every point and the effect each has on the others. Additionally, your relationships and actions are a reflection of your internal state of balance. Developing an awareness of the points and applying the necessary corrections to bring them back into balance is where the solutions to chronic pain and other life challenges lie.
Overview
Part One includes five chapters that will provide you with a foundation of knowledge to help you develop your understanding and allow you to assess your particular situation. Chapter One presents an overview of chronic pain, and includes information about medications commonly prescribed to treat pain and problems associated with traditional pain management. Chapter Two discusses the effects of chronic pain on the family system and the pitfalls families commonly experience, such as codependency and enabling. In Chapter Three, we delve into the complex and sensitive subject of addiction. Chapter Four asks you to consider the possibility that your loved one is addicted and offers guidance on how to navigate this difficult issue. In Chapter Five, we will explain the process of pain recovery and examine the concept of balance.
Part Two includes four chapters—one devoted to each point of balance—that will help you discover the areas where imbalance is contributing to your negative experience of having a loved one with chronic pain, and teach you ways to rebalance them, thus reducing your suffering.
Part Three focuses on your recovery. Once you have identified where you are out of balance, you will be ready to take action and implement changes. Chapter Ten focuses on your relationships, emphasizing the importance of good communication
