intervention group) and half not (the control group). They administer cognitive tests to both groups of kids before the music lessons and after. How reliable are the results?
Variables include the number of kids the researchers can afford to include in the study, what type of music class they choose, who teaches the class, how many weeks or months the lessons go on, and how frequently or intensely the kids train. Not to mention how many kids drop out of the study along the way, how soon after training the kids are retested, which tests the researchers use, to what extent their analysis attempts to rule out other potential causes for the results (usual suspects include parents’ income and IQ), whether previous studies lend credence to the results. And so on and so on.
On top of that, even when the results of a study have been confirmed many times over, they still may not describe your child. If a study concludes that infants need fourteen hours of sleep a day, well, some infants in the study slept eleven hours and some slept nineteen. In the final report, statistics describe the median—and any individual child may fall outside of it.
Not only is every child different, but every parent is, too. All of these are reasons you may follow a piece of advice and get a different result, or not follow a piece of advice and get the same result. You just have to try things and see what works for your baby.
Use this book as a guide, both to starting down a good path and to staying on the path you choose. Enjoy the photographs. (Don’t worry—none of our homes look this tidy when a photographer’s not coming by.) Don’t feel the need to follow all seventy tips, either. Once baby arrives, as much as you can, relax.
I know we all have lots of questions. But in the process of writing this book, I found what we’ve all known all along. What really matters in parenting are the big things: being responsive to baby’s needs, truly being present when you’re together, talking to baby a ton, being firm but warm in discipline, lots of hugs . . . and sleep.
This book is about how to do those things, which will help you lay the foundation for raising a pretty great kid: smart, happy, social, emotionally healthy, moral, curious, loved.
Best of luck to both of us.
Tracy
Pregnant women tend to have a long to-do list. Put “weekly massages” on the list, and don’t fret about the rest. Baby’s needs are minimal: a couple key nutrients, whatever sleep and exercise you can manage, and low stress. Spend your time cultivating friendships.
Peace and quiet, please (at first)
Can you turn your embryo into a genius in the womb?
No. For decades, product manufacturers have preyed on vulnerable parents-to-be: give birth to a smarter, calmer, more attentive baby who can already spell!
It started in 1979 with Prenatal University, a twice-daily program in which you pressed your pregnant belly while teaching your fetus words such as “pat,” “shake,” and “rub.” Then came the Pregaphone, which amplified your voice into the womb so that you could communicate even earlier with baby. You placed a plastic funnel on your belly and spoke into a mouthpiece connected via a tube. Today’s descendants include a belt that emits heartbeat sounds. You wrap it around your pregnant belly for two hours a day to train your fetus to discriminate sounds. The claim: it will “enrich your unborn child’s forming cognitive, empathic, and creative skills.”
Lured into the marketing copy, you can’t help but wonder, “What if it really does work?” Save your money. No commercial product that claims to boost the braininess of a developing fetus has ever been scientifically proven to do anything useful.
Baby’s needs are simple
Perhaps baby is too busy to bother with any interference from products. In the first half of pregnancy, baby starts creating her first brain cells—neurons—at the crazy rapid rate of 250,000 per minute. In the second half of pregnancy, the brain begins connecting those neurons, creating 700 synapses per second in the first few years of life. All baby needs at this stage is the nourishment you provide by eating well, exercising, and reducing your stress.
We tend not to live near our families, and who pops over for tea anymore when there’s txt msgs and Facebook?
We’re increasingly isolated. But taking care of a baby is one thing you should not try to do alone. Parents need the emotional and practical support, and babies benefit from exposure to plenty of people. Social isolation can stress you and your marriage, in turn creating an environment harmful to baby.
You’re going to need help. And it’s up to you to make sure you get it.
You’ll need friends to . . .
• bond with while your babies, preferably the same age, play together.
• watch baby while you sleep, shower, get a pedicure, or just do whatever.
• bring you dinner in the early weeks, when you won’t want meals to involve much more than finding a fork.
• babysit, so you and your partner can have a regular date night.
• join you for girls’ night or guys’ night.
Apart from your existing friends, family, and neighbors, where can you find these people?
Plan dates with other parents-to-be from your childbirth education class.
Join a social group for new parents on meetup.com.
Ask around your neighborhood. You might be surprised by the number of resources for new parents. My neighborhood, for example, has a message-board group for parents, a yoga studio with prenatal and mom & baby classes, a café with a baby play area, a children’s museum, classes for parents (breastfeeding, babywearing, bitch sessions), classes for babies (music, movement, swimming, story time at the library), new-parent support groups, and parents’ nights out hosted by churches, community centers, and baby gyms. Before baby, I didn’t know most of these existed.
Talk to strangers. Strike up a conversation with another parent or parent-to-be at the park or grocery store—as simple as “Aww, how old is your baby? What is she doing these days?” or “How are you holding up?” Share something honest. Don’t pretend everything’s perfect and perpetuate the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.
Then, don’t leave without exchanging contact info: “Hey, let me give you my e-mail address.”
TRY THIS
Before baby, invite your dearest friends over for a cooking party, and stock up on freezer-friendly meals. Nourishingmeals.com has ideas for new moms.
As your due date nears, sign up with an online meal registry. This is a huge help in organizing
