a meeting of my home group one morning, I looked around at all the members. These were the strangers whose kindness I had once depended upon for my life, the strangers who had become my friends and my teachers. In this room, I heard an old-timer say, “Put back your shopping cart.” I heard a member say, “Don't tell me how much you love your kid; just pay your child support.” I heard a woman say, “Do good and don't get caught.” I also heard, “Making amends means standing in their driveway with their money in your hand.”
This dingy church hall, I realized, was the gym that we came to in order to exercise our spirituality, taking time every day for what I came to call “The Soul Workout.”
I was sitting in that hall listening to the others because I was trying to save my life. I have the chronic, progressive, and fatal brain disease of addiction, which affects me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In recovery, I began to get better in this order:
As I did, I began to realize that each day I had spent in my active disease was a day in which I took my soul in both hands and shredded it. Toward the end of my active addiction, there was very little left of it, and I was living my life close to the animal level.
An addict is, practically by definition, almost completely consumed by self: self-will, self-centeredness, self-pity, self-importance, and self-hate. Spirituality is the primary means I have to break that obsession with self and put the emphasis where it belongs—on self in service to others. This change of emphasis breaks the compulsion and obsession at the heart of addiction, replacing the self-obsession with connectedness, fellowship, and love.
Service to others can take many forms, but it often starts when an addict simply reaches out to help other addicts. A smile for a newcomer in recovery, a hug for a new friend, a compliment offered sincerely, or a word of encouragement—these are small but important beginnings. I grow in spirit by being helpful, kind, and loving to others, and by treating them as I would want to be treated. I know this sounds so simple as to be trite, but, as an addict in active addiction, I was one of the most self-centered creatures imaginable, selfish beyond even thinking of performing these simple acts of basic human decency.
As I begin to reenter the mainstream of life, I extend this attitude of service to others, inside my fellowship and out. Paradoxically, I realize that the rewards I reap by extending myself to others will be ever greater, my spiritual “armor” ever stronger, the more I do for them. That is the philosophy behind this book, and it can work for anyone, whether inside or outside a recovery program.
In my active addiction, each lie I told, each cynical manipulation I engaged in, each person it was too much trouble to help, pay attention to, or even see because he or she stood between my drugs of choice and me, was another tear in the fabric of my soul. Each time I didn't show up for life, until in the end I couldn't show up for life, was another step toward what would have been my eventual spiritual (and physical) destruction.
However, the soul is an exceptionally resilient thing. Unlike the body, it can be brought back to life. The principles of surrender, hopefulness, honesty, acceptance, and so on, as suggested in The Soul Workout, will affect you spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally. Following the suggestions in this book will help you build your character as well as your spiritual fitness.
The connection between small, everyday acts of kindness and spiritual growth is not unique to recovery. Many religions instruct believers to perform good deeds in order to express the world of the spirit through actions in the physical world. My childhood religion taught me about “The Corporal Works of Mercy.” These included:
1. Feed the hungry.
2. Give drink to the thirsty.
3. Clothe the naked.
4. Shelter the homeless.
5. Visit the sick.
6. Visit those in prison.
7. Bury the dead.
Those instructions are specific, but how many of us, in everyday life, have the opportunity to visit prisoners or clothe the naked? Not many. What we can do, however, is break these instructions down into small, elemental parts. We can practice everyday acts of loving kindness. We can do The Soul Workout.
When I entered recovery, my spiritual vital signs were thready and almost indiscernible. Today, I exercise my soul through the practice of the Twelve Steps; through sponsorship, service, reading, and meeting attendance; and by the constant attempt to improve my “conscious contact” with God, as I understand God.
I do this in the prescribed ways, through prayer and meditation; however, for this addict, prayer and meditation occupy a discrete and often time-limited portion of every day. Life calls me out to live—to work, eat, sleep, love, and play. When I'm not in active prayer or meditation, I perform the actions of The Soul Workout with mindfulness that this is how I build my spiritual armor.
This book includes the small, easy-to-practice works of soul-building kindness and humanity I learned from my friends and teachers in recovery, as well as narratives detailing my transformation from a state of spiritual sickness to spiritual health.
The principles discussed in this book are those at work in the Twelve Steps of recovery. Those I write about are not the only ones there are; they are the ones I have recognized and attempted to develop within myself or live in since I reentered recovery in the mid-2000s. No step calls on or builds only one spiritual quality. Each quality is colored with and by the others, but all are necessary to build character, to strengthen spirituality, and to help you grow as a spiritual being.
By building spiritual practices into my everyday life, I began to rebuild my soul by “walking the talk,” every day. You do not need to be a member of a twelve-step fellowship to benefit from this book. You do not need to be religious, either. I'm not. Anyone who wants to enrich his or her spiritual life and who is willing to do a few simple actions and think a few different thoughts can reap the rewards of The Soul Workout.
THE SOUL WORKOUT
Be where you say you will be when you say you will be there.
Practice saying, “Of course, I could be wrong.”
Even when it doesn't seem to be working, as long as you truly believe your course of action is the right one, don't give up. Results sometimes come in increments, slowly, or not at all. Remember that you are in the footwork business and your Higher Power is in the results business.
