1) the age of the onset of that which is traumatic to the child in his or her development;
2) what the trauma is—some trauma is more shame-producing than other trauma; and
3) the chronicity of that which is traumatic to the child—long-lasting versus short-term.
So often when we think of trauma, we think of the most extreme traumatic situations. I don’t want to take away from the impact such experiences have on people’s lives, but so often when we think of trauma we tend to think about natural disasters. We think of hurricanes, floods, or earthquakes. When we think of trauma, we think of shootings that take place in corporate offices and on college campuses. When we think of traumatic events, we may think of having been subjected to losing our home or perhaps even our community in a fire. We may think of a horrific car accident that we experienced. Certainly we think of trauma that affects large numbers of people related to war and acts of terrorism.
But the reality is that the majority of people who experience trauma are going to experience more subtle forms of it, and their trauma will typically be more chronic. It is this type of trauma that is most apt to exist within the confines of their family system. Even within the family system, trauma can be exceptionally blatant—family violence, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. Yet, in many families, it’s going to be even more subtle than that. It is about living with fear on a chronic basis at that time in your life when you’re developing your sense of worth, your identity and when you’re developing beliefs about yourself, other people, and the world at large. I’m talking about living in fear on a chronic basis as a five-year-old, a seven-year-old, a twelve-year-old, or a fifteen-year-old child.
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