I recommended that Astrid relax about writing everything down and allow herself frequent rewards and splurges. That advice wasn’t what she’d expected to hear from me—she was expecting praise for her rigidity and near-obsession over food and even more rules for what to eat and not eat.
As part of her new goal to relax a bit about food, I asked Astrid to “allow” herself a treat every few days. Her goal was to enjoy, savor, and delight in whatever she was eating. The only thing I wanted her to write down in her little notebooks was how much she enjoyed her organic dark chocolate bar, or the buckwheat pasta with peanut sauce, or whatever she chose as a treat. (We stayed within healthy but delicious boundaries!)
After working with me for a couple of months, Astrid felt more relaxed about her foods. She was no longer gripping her grocery shopping cart, tight-lipped and concerned, as she marched up and down the supermarket aisles. Instead, Astrid was smiling. Releasing her nutrition rubber band to extend out for occasional treats and splurges made her happier than she had been for a long time.
When you eat appropriately for your personal Nutritional Style, your nutrition and food habits are like a giant rubber band. Your Nutritional Style holds you firmly but flexibly in place; it expands and contracts with you. You mostly stick with the fresh, seasonal foods you know are best, but you also cut loose at Sunday morning brunch and indulge in your husband’s homemade waffles with maple syrup. Whatever you choose for your occasional indulgence may not be ideal, but you enjoy it. And because you are comfortable with your Nutritional Style, you easily snap back to your regular pattern the next morning.
During other times of the year, your rubber band stretches a little farther. Maybe it’s during the holidays when, like most people, you eat foods that you normally avoid or that come around only during this season. It starts on Thanksgiving, when you enjoy your mother’s candied sweet potatoes with marshmallows. Without flexibility, you eat too much. The next day you feel horrible and have a stomachache; instead of feeling happy to have enjoyed your family’s traditions, you head to a cocktail party, drink way too much wine, and lose control at the appetizer platter. And so it goes. With flexibility, however, you make yourself and your mother happy by eating a moderate portion, just enough to enjoy the treat but not so much to throw your Nutritional Style out the window.
I don’t believe it’s healthy to obsess over food. I don’t believe in counting . . . fat grams, sugar grams, carbohydrates, vitamin levels, or even calories for that matter.
Sometimes you stretch your rubber band beyond what’s comfortable—you might even think it’s snapped for good. Don’t beat yourself up and decide that you’re just destined to be sick and overweight. All it takes to get things under control again is falling back on your own Nutritional Style. You know that style—it’s full of the foods that satisfy you and keep you healthy. A few days of eating your own way and your rubber band will be strong and flexible once again. You’ll feel resolved to eat well most of the time and enjoy a treat now and then without guilt. Your Nutritional Style is back. You wake up feeling bright-eyed and productive because you’ve returned to the style of eating that makes you feel energized and light.
The importance of the rubber band perspective is that it’s sustainable. It’s not just about avoiding headaches, or a puffy belly the next day. It’s not about losing weight, or whether or not you “cheat” or “go off” a diet. Discovering and eating within your Nutritional Style lets you enjoy delicious, nourishing foods and drinks that will support you for the rest of your life.
JANE Permission to Adapt and Adjust
My client Jane was a classic Modern Vegan when we met. She described herself as “pretty much vegan,” which I took to mean, you’re vegan, except for when you’re not. She had strong vegan intentions for her food, not her entire lifestyle. She loved the idea of being a vegan and not consuming animal flesh. I get that.
Jane shared a story with me that impressed me as a sign of someone who had learned to tune in to her desires and cravings around food, in a healthy way. The week before, Jane had been traveling on business with her associates. She worked for a high-end investment firm and felt the pressures of her job; working with all men in this masculine environment was often challenging.
As she put it, they don’t get my green juice–toting ways, and God forbid that any one of them eat a salad. Ever.
One night on a business trip, the colleagues decided to visit a high-end steak house. She cringed, but said nothing, certain she’d find something to eat there (we’d spent a lot of time on that). When she walked in, Jane couldn’t face eating a cold salad. She felt a craving for some kind of animal protein—plus she knew her colleagues would make negative comments if that was all she ate. She felt guilty, but ordered a salmon steak.
She related the story to me the next day about how badly she felt she needed something more than greens, and how good her body felt after eating the salmon. She realized she hadn’t ruined her life by eating salmon, and she felt great the next day, too. She decided, with some leeway and encouragement from me, to add the occasional piece of fish back into her diet, if that’s what she was feeling the need to eat.
After a few weeks of enjoying fish a couple of times a week, Jane’s energy had improved and she felt more balanced and even-keeled. By working with me, she realized that what she ate didn’t have to be defined by someone else; she didn’t need anyone’s permission to eat what she wanted and felt she needed. Jane is still pretty much a Modern Vegan and doesn’t eat animal foods often, but when she does, she’s fine about it.
Discovering and eating
within your Nutritional Style lets you enjoy delicious, nourishing foods and drinks that will support you for the rest of your life.
Some foods just aren’t good for anyone, including you. I call them the Dangerous Liaisons, because they only mean trouble. They’re toxic and potentially dangerous for your health, and I want you to avoid them wherever and however possible. I’m giving this to you straight and upfront because I want you to begin this process of getting real about your food and its effect on your body. The sooner you get that and cut these nasty boys off, the better.
Like any dangerous liaisons, some are worse than others. Some are the liaisons I call the Bad Boys: Think of Johnny Depp as the greaser gang leader in the movie Cry-Baby, or Jim Stark, played by real-life bad boy James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause, or even the dangerously sexy vampire Edward Cullen in the Twilight series. These guys may look enticing, but you’ve learned the heartache isn’t worth it. It’s best to stay away.
Well, it’s the same with certain foods. You know they’re bad for you and that if you indulge your happiness will be short-lived, but you succumb anyway. Once in a while you enjoy the sensations—the satisfaction of knowing it feels so good to be bad. It’s so delicious in the moment, who cares that the next day you’ll regret it? You know in your heart that a steady diet of this would make you sick and exhausted. Still, these Bad Boys wear you out, but they don’t kill you.
Then there are the really bad guys. I call these dangerous liaisons the Serial Killers: the good-looking blind date your roommate
