became rare, but I did not worry too much as I thought she was preparing herself for the great event in September. I was busy myself brushing up my English and the national history as I intended to sit for the government exams that qualified students to go abroad.
Nearly a month had passed since our return from Onyang. One day, a few minutes before the closing time Miae turned up, out of breath.
‘I thought I had missed you. Come with me, I’ll buy you supper.’ She looked happy and excited. Outside Mr Han was waiting. The three of us went to a Music Room. One table away from Han, she sat opposite me and started in a whisper. ‘I hope I am not turning into the type of women that you and I despise.’ She said that recently she had been seeing Han everyday. He had proposed to her and was awaiting her reply. If she accepted him he wanted to become engaged in March. She knew it was wrong but could not resist his love. I thought I ought to look pleased but felt a sort of betrayal. I wasn’t at all sure about my feelings, when I said, ‘It’s entirely up to you, dearest. All that matters is your own happiness. As long as you don’t abandon our principles, you can’t go wrong, can you?’ By ‘Principles’ I must have meant the rationality that we had so highly upheld. Then the three of us had supper and I came away.
Next day I had a phone call at the office from Mr Kwŏn, the man we had met at Onyang. He said that as The Korean Academy was much being talked about among his colleagues, he was intending to come and see it himself, bringing a friend with him.
‘What would be a convenient time?’
‘Anytime between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.’
‘Is it true that Dr Kang is the Director?’
‘Yes. Do you know him?’
‘I haven’t met him personally, but he will know me when I explain who I am.’
‘Very well. Hope to see you soon, goodbye.’
He never came and I had nearly forgotten him when he rang again in the middle of March. He said he had been in Pusan on family business.
‘It is such a lovely weather. I wondered if you and your friend would like to come out for a little walk tomorrow. The Academy is closed on Sunday, I expect?’
Though reluctantly, I accepted his invitation. Indeed it was beautiful spring weather. When I went to Miae’s next morning wearing my favourite dress she was in bed thick with flu. I brought up the subject of Kwŏn, but she did not show the slightest interest. Going out in her condition was out of the question. Besides, Han was due to call on her shortly. Wishing I hadn’t promised to go, I went alone to the appointed tea-room.
‘Hello, Miss Yun, how good of you to come.’ He was obviously delighted to see me coming alone. He started to explain why he had to be away for so long. For family reasons he had to change his job and arrange a transfer to Pusan University. Fortunately, he said, the Chancellor was a close family friend and was only too pleased to have him as a member of his staff.
‘We won’t be able to see each other so often now,‘ he said in a solemn tone.
‘You make it sound as though we have done before,’ I said jokingly. He was instantly cheered up by my light mood.
‘Sukey, you are not as simple and straightforward as you look, are you?’ I noticed him dropping off the respectful ‘Miss Yun’ and calling me by my first name.
‘By the way, did you ring me at the college?’ he asked.
‘Why should I?’
‘There was a message on my desk saying a lady had phoned. I thought it might be you.’
Then he fell into silence and sat there thoughtfully like an object up for inspection. And inspect him I did. With strong eyebrows, large, expressive eyes behind gold-rimmed glasses, a high straight nose and a firm mouth, it was an attractive face. His light coat, shirt, tie and tie-pin showed a refined taste. As we stepped out of the tea-room, a breeze ruffled his tie and brought a whiff of a scent of the lily of the valley. The idea of a man using scent would have repelled me before but it seemed to suit him. I liked it. We walked up the slope and stopped at the spot where I had stood with Hyŏn on that particular evening of the previous autumn. I compared the two men bobbing up and down on my horizon, the one with a mature, rich personality, heroically encountering the whole world, and the other with the look of a fairy-tale prince, trimmed and polished, nervous and rigid, and probably pampered by rich, adoring parents. I longingly thought of Hyŏn, but at the same time felt resentment. He hadn’t sent me or Miae so much as a single postcard since he had left.
To change my mood, I said, ‘Miae is going to be engaged soon,’ and told him briefly how she had been set on becoming a nun, but had been miraculously won over by Mr Han.
‘It shows that the power of love is stronger than the persuasion of parents or friends.’ This rather trite statement moved me deeply. Only when I look back do I realize that Miae, my long-time comrade and support, having fallen in love and deserted me, had left me emotionally vulnerable. Subconsciously, I must have felt a need to fill the gap she had left. Things were out of my control. I was ready to be impressed by anything he said.
‘So that’s why you look so forlorn today,’ he said. I ignored this and walked on.
‘You are from Yonsei University? I expect you’ve got plenty of boys after you.’
‘Well, if I had gone to a co-ed school because I was boy-hunting, no doubt I would, but I didn’t. Why? Do I look like that kind of girl?’
‘No, I didn’t mean that. But surely you have at least a steady boyfriend?’
‘No, I haven’t actually.’ I strongly denied his supposition, and as I did so, I suddenly felt very shy. By denying this so emphatically had I not invited him to court me?
He bought an expensive lunch, and as a token of thanks I offered to buy the coffee. Sitting opposite him across the table in the coffee shop, I suddenly knew I was falling in love with him. That evening I told my sister Sŏnhi about him.
It was the time when everybody was trying to pick up the pieces from the ashes in the wake of the Civil War. Poverty stricken, most people went hungry. For parents who had daughters of marriageable age, the highest they could hope for was a man who had no debts, a house of his own, however small it might be, and who was able to keep his wife decently fed and clothed. A chauffer-driven family car, elegant clothes, good looks and a job as a college lecturer, these were conditions good enough to win my sister’s consent for a further relationship with him.
‘You really are a lucky girl. You’ve always been Fate’s favourite child, haven’t you?’ She was very happy for me. ‘Just think how lucky you were to get your job just like that when there is a years’ backlog of unemployed graduates all over the country...’
She started talking about those several occasions in the past that had shown how lucky I was, as if to reassure herself that nothing could ever go wrong with me in future.
While I was at college, my father had gone bankrupt. The beginning of each term had been a time of great anxiety for the family because of my registration fees. They were an enormous sum of money for a man in debt. Many times, in despair, I was prepared to leave college and get a job instead. Then the day before, or a day after the closing date a handsome sum of money, for quite unexpected reasons, came into my troubled father’s possession. Similar miracles happened several times. As he handed the money to me with no grudge,
