Polly has the skill to convince everyone that she isn’t lost. Although you can see her “driving around” aimlessly, never going anywhere, she seems to have persuaded herself and others that she knows where she’s going.
Fearful Fred is afraid to be on course. He has become comfortable living life in a disoriented state and is content to be displaced.
Sad Sabrina likes the attention that she gets when she acts confused. She has gained the reputation of being adrift and is not happy unless she is sad.
I am certain that you have seen yourself in this chapter in one way or another. It’s all but impossible not to get lost in your life. No one is spared. This chapter’s exercises take a look at your own experiences with getting lost and review some helpful strategies to find your way back. As I mentioned in the introduction, each chapter will have a “REST STOP” portion, and this is the time to get out your My Journey to an Amazing Life notebook; it should be new and empty, ready to fill with your notes from the exercises.
Your first task is to reflect on the following questions and write down the answers in your notebook:
Which life events have left you with this feeling of being lost?
How long have you felt off track?
What have you done thus far to cope?
As you review your events and the ways you’ve coped and are currently coping, consult the directions below and see how you can take control of the wheel again and change your direction. Remember, no one controls your destiny but you. You and only you are in the driver’s seat setting the course for your journey. This means that wherever you may be at this point in your life, you can begin to change your course.
Directions for getting “unlost”—
1 Know that you are not alone. Whatever “lost situation” you may find yourself in, know and understand that someone else has been there before and you are not alone.
2 Admit that you are lost and need help. You instinctively know that you are lost, but you have to admit it to yourself and others to get the help you need. Find someone, whether it’s a friend, mentor, coach, or counselor, to help you find your way. Don’t get caught up thinking that you can find your way by yourself.
3 Change lanes. Sometimes you are just driving in the wrong lane. Get out of the fast lane. You may be creating your stress. If you are busy at work or feel that you don’t have enough time for yourself, your family, or other things that you deem priorities, do your best to lighten your load. Stop taking on so many tasks at work, and at home, stop signing your kids up for all those activities. Slow down and take some things off your plate.
4 Take the nearest exit. Sometimes you just don’t need to stay on the freeway. You may need to exit out of a job, relationship, or behavior that is not positive for you. Understand that staying on this route may lead you to a dead end.
5 Get to the nearest rest area. Occasionally, you need to just stop and rest. The fast pace of life and the need for urgency in accomplishing things causes unsettled spirits, sleep deprivation, and health problems. Take a break from people, technology, routines, schedules, and deadlines. Just rest!
6 Recalculate your route. Because you’re given free will to make choices and decisions about your life, we all screw up every now and again. You were given clear directions, your internal navigation system told you where to turn, but you decided to go the opposite way—or you took a wrong turn. Like the female GPS voice, your internal navigation system immediately detects that you did not go the way you were told and has to inform you that she is recalculating the route. What is significant to note here is that there is more than one way to reach a destination—if the road you are traveling on is too bumpy, has too much traffic, or construction, you can reroute.
7 Make a U-turn. If you are lost in addictive behaviors or unhealthy habits or relationships, you need to find the next street where you can make a U-turn and head in the opposite direction. Once you’ve discovered that you’re going the wrong way, making a U-turn as soon as possible may save your life.
TWO
Time to Recalibrate
Defining Your Destiny
IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER, we looked at ways we get lost and people or things we may have gotten lost in. We also reflected in our journals about what ways we personally have felt lost and how we’ve coped with it thus far. We’ve decided not to be like Stubborn Sams and others who stay stuck. This is good news, because admitting that we’re lost and choosing to do something about it are two necessary components to getting unlost. In this chapter we’re going to look at how to recalibrate our routes so we’re back on track—back on the journey to an amazing life!
First, you’re going to need to make some decisions about the journey you want to make. As with any trip, it’s important to start with the fundamentals: Where would you like to go? How long will it take you to get there? What route will you take? Whom are you taking with you? What are you expecting out of the journey? You may find it helpful to write down these questions in your Amazing Life notebook and leave some room for the answers. We’ll take some time to think more about and answer these critical questions a little bit later, but before you begin thinking about the actual journey, you need to think about you, the driver, and about what motivates you.
The Man/Woman in the Mirror
Who Are You?
When you look in the mirror, do you have a clear indication of who is looking back at you? How much soul searching have you done to discover who you really are? I know that may sound like a strange question because after all, surely you know yourself. Maybe you knew your old self, but news flash—the person in the mirror is constantly changing. What you want from your life, what you enjoy doing, what scares you, etc., is not going to be the same today, as it was five or ten years ago. As humans, we are constantly growing and adapting, yet sometimes we are stuck in the mindset that we are a version of ourselves that may not fit the person we actually are now. You have changed since last year. Some of your opinions, thoughts, beliefs, likes, and dislikes have shifted. For example, I have a friend who hated sushi, and would decline every time I tried to persuade her to join me at my favorite sushi place. Apparently, she was out to lunch recently with her co-workers and they talked her into trying the “crab dynamite” roll. Her taste buds fell in love with it. Now, surprisingly enough, she’s the one calling me and suggesting sushi! That’s a small example, but it just goes to show you that we can always surprise others, even those who know us best. Moreover, sometimes we can even surprise ourselves.
While you must allow room for the inevitable changes in your personalities and preferences, it’s also important to be in touch with what brings you satisfaction, joy, pride, and fulfillment. When you’ve lost touch with the core of who you are, that’s when you feel lost.
That was the case for Melanie, who didn’t have a clue about who she was or what she wanted from life. Reluctantly, she went to college because she wanted to please her parents. Her college days were filled with parties, hanging out with friends, and attending football games. Knowing that she eventually had to declare a major, she selected Early Childhood Education. She’s not sure why she chose that, because she never liked babysitting. After graduation, instead
